I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

Savvy_sewing

I came upto bed just after 8pm. Did some reading and listened to my hypnosis before lights out at 9.30
I woke around 1.30 and found it hard to get back to sleep so I put the hypnosis on and fell asleep listening to it again. I woke about an hour ago, decided nobody else was awake and went back to sleep. I didn't set my teasmade up so I am regretting that as I will have to go down stairs to make a cuppa and will disturb DS who came in very late last night from work.
Luckily I don't have to rush around this morning, I don't have to go out until just after 12. We have a Christening to go to today.
Then organise Dgd for back to school tomorrow.

I am supposed to be at a social core meeting tomorrow, but I am considering sending my apologies as I am finding myself taking on the worrying but unable to contribute anything further as I am not in a place to help any further. I don't want to be part of a slanging match between DS and the Ex, and the professional people have made such a mess of it all, I despair at the situation. So I think I am best out of it.

Time to tiptoe down and make tea and use the bathroom !

Savvy_sewing

So I took my tablet at 8 last night, and I am only just beginning to feel like me, and able to drive in about an hour when I need to go to the christening. So it is about 16 hours after I take my tablet that I feel I can function. So on that theory then to be able to work safely on my sewing machine etc I will need to be taking my tablet between 5pm and 6pm!
Which will render me useless again about 40 minutes later. This could be interesting!
DS has had hassle from the Ex again for the last 3 hours via calls and text messages. The woman is totally off her rocker!
She is trying to change the pick up time and wants DS to collect and take her home after a party that the lad has been invited too, originally DS had said he was happy to collect the children from the party, but he didn't want to take her back to hers (in the opposite direction), and I had to tell him that to keep the peace perhaps he should bend a little but warn her that it is the one and only time he will help and that she must make plans before the day for her transport etc.
She went off on a tangent threatening he won't get the children, demanding all their clothes etc?? And god knows what else.
I don't understand what she expects the children to wear when she has kept all the new clothes we have sent them home in.?
Sending them back with clothes that are too small and shoeless?
I really don't understand her? What does she need the clothes for? She can't wear them? The clothes that they wear and need should be with the children as needed?
I believe that she is now trying to get a house exchange to our town, and that worries me. She has no other links to this town but us.
If I wasn't spending a fortune building my log cabin I would be tempted to exchange away myself!!
On the plus side of life it should be easier for DS to get a private rental once he gets his life sorted out and finds a better job. Now that the laws have changed

Tikitaki

I would really go and see GP to change tablets. There are many. My hubby had same issue as you. He was like a zombie on the floor. Hearing muffled like cotton wool in his ears. Changed tablets and was fine within 3 days! Xxx

pollyanna_26

Do you feel your son will be able to hold his own at the social core meeting , clearly state his case and remember what went on? Part of me applauds your decision to not attend but it bothers me the ex is very manipulative and on a mission. Would a clear email giving a clear picture of exactly what is happening be an idea if you decide not to go? A letter would be better if you've ink in the printer.


Re Needing the clothes . It's control pure and simple . She's making things as difficult as possible without a thought for the children needing their clothes when they're with dad.


If nothing has been done to seek a non-molestation order it really is a priority. At the moment she's free to do as she pleases with the messages texts etc and impact the whole family as a result.


DS Needs to stick to picking up and dropping the boys and refuse to accommodate her whims and take her various places. Varying pick up times seems to be a feature, there can be times it's necessary but it looks like another mess with his head thing to me. He needs to stick to arrangements and not enable her further.


As for planning to move to your area with the way she wasn't paying bills etc I can't see that happening.


It does sound as though the meds are limiting you a bit too much. We're able to phone for a telephone appt with the GP. If your practice does the same it could be worth arranging one . I assume you may have been started on the lowest strength so it could mean a change of med. Some work well for individuals others not so.


Do you know if the ex is aware of the new gf? She does seem to have ramped up the toxic behaviour.
pollyx

supermezzo

I too wondered if the ex had heard about a new g/f.

Depriving the boys of their clothes (and indeed, the recent holiday) all smack of control and to quote Jeremy Kyle 'using the kids as a weapon'.

Date and document everything before the meeting if you do decide to go - I actually think that now your thinking is a little calmer, you'll be able to get somewhere far easier. I get that it seems yet more to do, but in the long term I think it will serve you all well as regards showing a united front to both the ex and social services/courts.

I was sent to my obnoxious and violent non resident parent every weekend (well, when he could be bothered to remember to pick me up) and just used to take clothes with me. The ex is clearly not going to do that, so you're obviously going to have to keep clothes and shoes at your house for them, and send them home in what they came in. Again, document it and take pics to show that when they are with you, they are wearing appropriate clothing but that you never get these clothes back.

No doubt at all that the ex g/f is in control at the moment, with absolutely no regard for the effect on her children. Stupid woman indeed.

Babe1

Polly and Super mezzo have made some very good points Mooloo.

In regards to the meds, as Polly has mentioned some can suit others, but the GP needs to start somewhere. She may have put you on something stronger to knock you off your feet a little - in the longterm, probably not what you need but has given you some breathing space to sleep and the body to be able to rest.

Do you have a new appointment to see her again? Or definitely a phone consultation to see if something more suitable now.

My sister and my neighbour have had similar problems with ex's and clothing. I agree with Super mezzo, that the Boys are returned to the ex in what they arrived in. This is what my neighbour does when she looks after her nephews. She was buying new clothes each times she had them - having to replace everything, but never saw any of it again!

Awful, controlling and spiteful behaviour by the Boys Mum - let them wear what you buy for when they are at yours, and they go home in what they arrived in.

I agree also that it is good that you are taking some distance regarding tomorrow, but as Polly says can you send a letter/email with your thoughts, especially around the clothes and her changing times. Terrible that she changed the weekend so the Boys missed out on Dover - better for you and DS, so you could have a break but beyond how any good Mum would thinkm.

Thinking of you Mooloo - sending you hugs. X

pollyanna_26

I've been thinking about the meeting tomorrow Mooloo and have mixed feelings. I'm more inclined you would be better to attend but only you know if that's the right thing for you.


You will worry anyway if you don't as your loved ones are your concern and rightly so. I'm concerned that after pulling on the big girls pants over the months to raise concerns with SS you may in the future blame yourself if you don't give that input now.


This has been going on since last year and now we're in June . Apart from the shared custody things just seem to be going round in circles although there have been many meetings. Slanging matches between mum and dad distract from what should be the central focus, the little ones. There seems to be a lack of control during the meetings which wont get things resolved.


What is needed is a voice of reason speaking for the little ones , Whenever you've highlighted those concerns you have spoken for them calmly and honestly.


I agree with supermezzo regarding a united front . There are many ways you can no longer help and they're wise,well thought decisions .


None of us are walking in your shoes ,you're the one living this situation so I and I'm sure everyone else will understand if you don't attend . Only you know how you feel. I hope the new sw is on the scene this week and is more effective.


If you don't feel up to going can you do a bullet point email to them summing up the situation?
pollyx

pollyanna_26

I've just read the post from Babe1. I've been assuming your Dr will have started you on a low dose as you aren't a regular user of such meds. However it's worth looking the medication up online and looking to see if there is a lower strength version which will help calm the anxiety while not impacting so much on being able to get through the day. Some meds do come in various strengths others not. The information on yours should be on the packet or in the leaflet supplied.
pollyx

Slinky

Could you take half a tablet instead of the whole one?

Savvy_sewing

I will call the doctor tomorrow and ask advice.
I am not sure if I will be able to go tomorrow but I do see the reason behind thinking that I should go.
We had the Christening this afternoon with a bbq afterwards, although it rained so we were all separated around the pub because it's all small rooms like a house.
We are home now. DS is home and just putting the boys to bed.
I have taken my tablet, had a cup of tea and will probably go and read in my bedroom.
As it rained I have had to bring the washing back in wet and am tumble drying some while the rest hangs up in the bathroom.
I will make my decision in the morning.