I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

Savvy_sewing

I am in touch with Molly's daughter, I don't like to disturb Molly as she has been very ill. When the shop is closed I might be able to find time in the day that would fit in with her routine, but I hear she has recently had another operation and is a little improved.
I certainly miss her, and our chats.

SingleSue

Mooloo wrote: »

She gets tonsillitis a lot and it has impacted on her school. The sickness bug is doing it's rounds, her teacher had it and was also off. Personally I would send her back to school today but the schools policy is she has to be 48hours after the last bout. So she cannot go until tomorrow. Whether I want her to or not.

I send her to school as much as possible, they call me to go and get her, I cannot win.

I am very concerned that she is not going to pass her SATs and very concerned about her mental health, as some of you are pointing out. Appointments take months to get to CHams. I cannot make that happen any sooner than they say.

I am doing my best.
I am not blind, or stupid, I am well aware that we are all affected by this at the moment.
I can only do what I think best and that may not be making enough miracles for some people, but I know that I am doing my best and adding guilt to the mix will not do any more favours to my mental health either.
There are currently things going on that I cannot comment on that are taking their toll on everyone, from my Mum down through the hole family.
I can only tell my story, and not everyone else's, and I have to omit some of it to be fair.
Your only seeing the tip of the iceberg at the moment.

I had the same thing with the school and youngest, I knew he was not wanting to be there so he would invent tummy aches, headaches and all sorts to try to be able to stay at home. I got wise to what he was doing and would take him into school only for them to call me shortly after to come and pick him up!

On top of that, any sneeze or cough or wheeze had them running to the telephone for me to pick him up, although with his medical history (a fair few bouts in intensive care), that was less surprising but no less frustrating.

CRANKY40

Dgd doesn't need to "pass" her SATs. They have no bearing on her high school education whatsoever. She will be tested again by whatever high school she goes to when she gets there and will be banded according to their own testing. Even then the banding isn't set in stone as my House Troll (aged 14) has been moved up a set in maths since he started in high school. Despite missing a fair few days due to pain from hypermobilty he was still top of his year (out of 350 children) in his last English exam.

I'd encourage Dgd to do her best but remind her that SATs aren't a true reflection of her ability and she will need to try her hardest in high school. Feeling like she's behind because of her time off could be the source of her anxiety and dislike of school. (She may just not like school - my HT prefers the social aspect to the work side, sigh!). High school will be a new start for her and she may grow out of having tonsilitis so much (my sister did). I've only had tonsilitis twice and it's impossible to pretend that you have it. Even when you think you feel better just half a day of normal activity can leave you feeling completely wiped out.

When my HT went back to school last September he had just attended the funeral of a friend that had killed himself. We have a good relationship and talk about most things but I was upset for the child's mum as we have known each other a long time. I talked to his head of year about what had happened and she arranged for him to have a "learning mentor" for the first half term. He was taken out of lessons once a week to talk to one of the teachers in confidence about anything that was worrying him in case he felt that discussing things with me would upset me even more. Maybe Dgd's school could arrange something like this if you asked them. They may have a pastoral teacher or somebody similar who could help. The HT didn't need Camhs intervention, but he did need some support. Someone who isn't deeply involved to talk things over with may be more what Dgd needs rather than feeling that everything she says is being scrutinised for other reasons.

You seem to have a lot on your plate just now. Good luck in wading through it all. I hope some of what I've said may help a little.

Bextow

As said above, don't worry about her passing her SATS.

My son failed all except reading and this lead to him having a teaching assistant at High School. This actually made his transistion to big school much easier as he had an adult to help him, which built his confidence and now he is in top sets for science and English and no longer needs assistance.

Just remember that you are doing your best and Dgd knows how much you love her and that is so important at her age (and all ages!)

SingleSue

Youngest also failed his SATs, mainly because he was either under the desk or running from the room (he couldn't cope with the noise from pencils scratching on paper).

It did have some impact years later at high school when they decided that based on that, a prognosis made when he was 5 and his statement, that they would not really bother with him and stuck him in the lowest groups for GCSEs and the most disruptive classes in the school with the end result of not doing so well. However, a change to a more forward thinking college post GCSE results saw him leaving 3 years later with GCSEs at A*, 3 x A* A level equivalent and the top student in his year group.

He is now 2nd year at university doing an Integrated Masters.

Savvy_Sue

Mooloo wrote: »

I am very concerned that she is not going to pass her SATs

Right, now both you and she need to STOP GIVING ANY MORE THOUGHT TO THE SATS. They are not worthy of head space. No-one will ever care for more than 30 seconds what marks she got, and most of the grammar they are pushing for them to learn in English is completely over MY head - and I've studied multiple foreign languages, some at degree level!

And as others have said, there is no 'pass' or 'fail', and if she does not do 'as well as expected' then that should lead to more help in secondary school.

I could say more, but if you want some more sound advice find a lady called "I know I need to stop talking" on Facebook, but I warn you she's addictive.

pollyanna_26

Mooloo wrote: »

I am in touch with Molly's daughter, I don't like to disturb Molly as she has been very ill. When the shop is closed I might be able to find time in the day that would fit in with her routine, but I hear she has recently had another operation and is a little improved.
I certainly miss her, and our chats.

Thank you for the update on Molly. Posters come and go on the forums but some stay in the memory and she stayed in mine.
I'm hoping the recent op will help her and the time will come when you can both share time together.


For anyone unfamiliar with Molly and her signature.


" I will face my fear."
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me, and when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see it's path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing .
Only I will remain.


It's a long signature and I used to wonder how she managed to fit it in on mse.
Many times I've appeared to be the swan gliding smoothly in worrying times while needing to feel the fear and do it anyway.
Those words in my head have got me through.
Thanks to Molly and Frank Hubert who wrote it.
pollyx

pollyanna_26

It's good to see so many people explaining SATS today.
As the person who's mentioned it may be worrying dgd I'm aware many children do worry in the long lead up to the tests.


Schools vary widely in how they manage the lead up to the tests . The wisest keep things very low key while others make it the focus for the school year and it's guaranteed to make children feel they need to perform and do well.


I've known parents pay for private tutors when really the whole thing has been blown out of all proportion . I've always thought it was a bad idea when the transition to big school is ahead to put the pressure on .
The fact it's a type of assessing the schools performance too seems to muddy the waters and ramp up the pressure on pupils.



There is a margin built in for children with poor attendance records due to ill health and I know Mooloo always contacts the school if dgd is too ill to attend . The number of times school themselves have sent her home through illness will back that up.
I would stop worrying Mooloo. An 11 year old will change a great deal in many ways in the years to come and it's impossible to predict their future now.


With proper support from professionals to process her past and come to terms with it she will move forward .
Once things are clearer on the homefront she will hopefully feel more settled and less anxious.


One thing has occurred to me Mooloo. I know you have a long list of things to do but thinking back over the years dgd has had a lot of ear infections as well as bouts of tonsillitis.
I know the Dr has seen her and issued ABs each time but has she had regular hearing tests?


My middle dd had constant ear infections and bouts of tonsillitis from toddler age onwards . Always saw the doc and got the meds. She was a about 4 when I realised I was constantly asking her to turn the volume down on the TV . I ended up standing back from her and speaking in a normal tone and realised she couldn't hear me.


She was in hospital and both tonsils and adenoids were removed and eventually grommits were tried . They then were replaced and the type that need removing rather than dropping out fitted.


Specialist hearing tests revealed both scarring of the eardrums and a degree of nerve damage legacy of full blown scarlet fever rather than the milder scarletina accompanied by a bad case of measles at the same time which meant she spent her a month over Christmas and New year in hospital while older brother and sister were sent to the grandparents.


It 's worth judging if dd has music etc too loud and doesn't always respond when spoken to in a normal tone. Difficult I know as she's at the age of every thing too loud and not always listening.


I'm aware you have too much to do and I'm in no way suggesting my dds problems are likely to be hers .
Repeated ear and tonsil infections can result in mild to more severe scarring or damage to the eardrums . My dd had many a burst eardrum which left scars when it healed.


The fact she has a tendency to falls may be related to her ears if they are damaged or blocked . She may just be someone who rushes without thinking however.
If there is a problem she may not be able to hear in school properly and that can be quite isolating.


Sorry for the long post and something else to consider.
You're in my thoughts.
pollyx

Savvy_sewing

Today my stress levels were tested, luckily I had been listening to Charlie Landsborough with the baby, he fell asleep after the first soothing sound of that man's voice, and I kept the luxury of a cuddle for several more songs, so I was relaxed when the post arrived baring bad news that DS Insurance was cancelled due to his information email not being sent ( the email failed and DS didn't notice), so yet again his car was unintentionally uninsured, so I had to throw my clothes on, and take them to the Babies hand over and his PLO meeting. As my car is tiny I ended up with my seat as far forward as it could be, so I could get a baby seat behind me!
I felt like I was a giant in a mini!
My knees were up around the steering wheel, it was comical really but at the time I didn't think so. So my plans were all cancelled. The other granny was not at Collection point, so we only just got to the meeting in time. I fiddled with rubbish in my handbag for the hour. The grandmother eventually collected from the meeting. On the way home DS realised he had missed his HGV theory test, again. I despair. When we got home we were on to the insurance. They wanted £3,900 to sort the insurance!
So I went on line, and googled and eventually after two hours we found a new insurance company, and it was £1,400.
So I demanded a refund from the other company, which will eventually be sent to me, but less their extortion charges.
However for once it is actually going to be £1,500 back. So at the end of the day, I will at least get my money back. In a few days anyway.
While at it I helped apply for his replacement Driving License that needs to be at this address, we need that for the housing, his new bank account, and anything else that he needs ID for.
I don't know what went on in the meeting today. Not sure if I want to know.
I am calm, but I am drained and just don't want to go anywhere or do anything else today.
So my jobs for today are rolled over into future days.
I am pretty much used to changing plans at the last minute.

I will deal with what ever I have to and that's it.

pollyanna_26

After reading how your day went just do the minimum today. You may not be feeling it yet but driving so far forward although needed is bound to have an impact on your joints and muscles.


Make sure you eat something if you haven't already . A hot deep bath with no knocks on the door or other distractions should help ease the muscles and prevent the arthritis etc flaring.


Would it help to lengthen turnaround times for any work that comes in beyond your present jobs? Even weighing up how much time new ones will take and timing accordingly may take some pressure off.


It seems you've has your day off taken off course once more so I hope you manage to catch up with your mum and do some things you enjoy.


Hopefully dgd will be ok for school tomorrow. It's easier to do the last 2 days this week than go straight to Sats on Monday.


Just aim for some rest this evening whether watching something , listening or just not doing anything. Hope you get to bed early and sleep.
pollyx