I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

Savvy_sewing

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Isn't going to happen though is it Mooloo (apart from occasional one offs after remonstration) So you need to continue living your live on your terms as much as possible and not curtailing your money making opportunities or general life.
He should be falling over himself to fit into your life, doing jobs around the house etc.

Haha!
Can I cry please?
I have been very low today. Although when the sun came out I sat in the garden with my diary and listened to the birds etc until DS arrived about an hour ago.
I have a lasagna in the oven, but he will probably have to go to work before it is ready, and definitely leaving me to feed and sort out the children. Why does it annoy me? It really shouldn't. I should be happy to help with my grandchildren.
I should be enjoying them.
But my heart is heavy and my head is struggling to keep my sanity at the moment. Usually writing about my thoughts helps me to sort things out but at the moment I'm struggling with everything.
I tried a hypnosis tape earlier on. But Even that didn't help me to feel better.
I tried to mind map. Walking away from it because it was the worst map I've ever done. The colours were bright but the words were on the wrong vibration completely.
Want to go to bed and try getting out of the other side, so to speak.
Obviously I cannot do that.
Even having a cuppa is not helping me to regroup.
Scary feeling that I cannot find any optimism at life today. I know that it will pass, I know that I will find it somewhere but it feels harder and harder to achieve than ever
5.30 DS definitely will have to wait his meal.
His problem not mine. So why do I let it get to me?

charlie3090

Moo,
it should annoy you as the is being thoughtless and frankly taking the pee.

I know that they are your grandchildren but they are his children and his responsibility, at the very least if he needs you to feed/babysit them he should at least have the decency to ask you first.

rant over, its so frustrating to see you being put on all the time.

-taff

Mooloo wrote: »

I should be happy to help with my grandchildren...
His problem not mine. So why do I let it get to me?

Enforced babysitting is not the same as being happy to help..With your work and your gd, you've already got a parenting job and are working full time.
You let it get to you because you feel responsible. Something he seems to be struggling with.

pollyanna_26

Mooloo wrote: »

Haha!
Can I cry please?
I have been very low today. Although when the sun came out I sat in the garden with my diary and listened to the birds etc until DS arrived about an hour ago.
I have a lasagna in the oven, but he will probably have to go to work before it is ready, and definitely leaving me to feed and sort out the children. Why does it annoy me? It really shouldn't. I should be happy to help with my grandchildren.
I should be enjoying them.
But my heart is heavy and my head is struggling to keep my sanity at the moment. Usually writing about my thoughts helps me to sort things out but at the moment I'm struggling with everything.
I tried a hypnosis tape earlier on. But Even that didn't help me to feel better.
I tried to mind map. Walking away from it because it was the worst map I've ever done. The colours were bright but the words were on the wrong vibration completely.
Want to go to bed and try getting out of the other side, so to speak.
Obviously I cannot do that.
Even having a cuppa is not helping me to regroup.
Scary feeling that I cannot find any optimism at life today. I know that it will pass, I know that I will find it somewhere but it feels harder and harder to achieve than ever
5.30 DS definitely will have to wait his meal.
His problem not mine. So why do I let it get to me?

Mooloo I suspect even Tony Buzan couldn't come up with a good map for your situation at the moment.
I find it unfair and upsetting that you are questioning your reactions rather than looking at the bigger picture . In reality you are being taken advantage of and that wasn't how things were meant to be. Why should your son come and go as he pleases and get on with his life with no consideration for you and other family members.


I deliberately focused on two priorities bearing the Dyslexia in mind. The weeks are going by and nothing suggests he's done anything about contacting a debt advice service or his bank.
Meanwhile you're taking the heavy load energy wise , emotionally and financially.


It's only 4 months since you started this years thread with a determined plan for this year . You smashed your debts, sought out contacts who may be useful for when you leave the shop . You planned so much and now you're stuck in once again being taken off track by someone else.


TBH I think it's time for a showdown . It's no good telling your son you're disappointed , you need to tell him you will no longer be willing to use your energy, lose time when you should be working ,sleeping or having some time for yourself while he is doing his own thing regardless. It isn't right or fair.


Hope dgd is better and fit for school tomorrow
pollyx

charlie3090

pollyanna_26 wrote: »

Mooloo I suspect even Tony Buzan couldn't come up with a good map for your situation at the moment.
I find it unfair and upsetting that you are questioning your reactions rather than looking at the bigger picture . In reality you are being taken advantage of and that wasn't how things were meant to be. Why should your son come and go as he pleases and get on with his life with no consideration for you and other family members.


I deliberately focused on two priorities bearing the Dyslexia in mind. The weeks are going by and nothing suggests he's done anything about contacting a debt advice service or his bank.
Meanwhile you're taking the heavy load energy wise , emotionally and financially.


It's only 4 months since you started this years thread with a determined plan for this year . You smashed your debts, sought out contacts who may be useful for when you leave the shop . You planned so much and now you're stuck in once again being taken off track by someone else.


TBH I think it's time for a showdown . It's no good telling your son you're disappointed , you need to tell him you will no longer be willing to use your energy, lose time when you should be working ,sleeping or having some time for yourself while he is doing his own thing regardless. It isn't right or fair.


Hope dgd is better and fit for school tomorrow
pollyx

This exactly x

*max*

Mooloo wrote: »

Haha!

I have a lasagna in the oven, but he will probably have to go to work before it is ready, and definitely leaving me to feed and sort out the children. Why does it annoy me? It really shouldn't. I should be happy to help with my grandchildren.
I should be enjoying them.

This makes so angry on your behalf! You have NO REASON to feel guilty about feeling this way, it's perfectly normal. The problem is you are not given a bloody choice about looking after them - we all know you love them, you son knows you love them, and he's taking advantage, pure and simple. He's counting on the fact that you would feel too guilty to say no! Of course it should be a pleasure looking after them, but not when it's sprung up on you with no notice and disrupts all you plans. You have every right to feel put out! It's very nearly emotional manipulation, and at the very least completely thoughtless and selfish. I wish I could have a word with him, honestly. This is not on. :cool:

Anyway, I hope you manage to regroup a little and have a relatively peaceful evening. Take some time for yourself, empty your mind for a little bit.

Babe1

pollyanna_26 wrote: »

Mooloo I suspect even Tony Buzan couldn't come up with a good map for your situation at the moment.
I find it unfair and upsetting that you are questioning your reactions rather than looking at the bigger picture . In reality you are being taken advantage of and that wasn't how things were meant to be. Why should your son come and go as he pleases and get on with his life with no consideration for you and other family members.


I deliberately focused on two priorities bearing the Dyslexia in mind. The weeks are going by and nothing suggests he's done anything about contacting a debt advice service or his bank.
Meanwhile you're taking the heavy load energy wise , emotionally and financially.


It's only 4 months since you started this years thread with a determined plan for this year . You smashed your debts, sought out contacts who may be useful for when you leave the shop . You planned so much and now you're stuck in once again being taken off track by someone else.


TBH I think it's time for a showdown . It's no good telling your son you're disappointed , you need to tell him you will no longer be willing to use your energy, lose time when you should be working ,sleeping or having some time for yourself while he is doing his own thing regardless. It isn't right or fair.


Hope dgd is better and fit for school tomorrow
pollyx

Polly is so right Mooloo - sas said everything that those that have followed you for so long, wish they could put into words.

This cannot continue - from what we read/think, DS's life has changed very little; the Boys are fine, he has somewhere to lay his head, wash and eat!! You on the other hand are back tackling a financial situation that you shouldn't be in, cannot rest... I am not adding to this list, we all know how long it is.

You know I rarely post Mooloo, but I feel for you - please put big girl pants on, stomp feet, and say ENOUGH!!

You can do it - we all know you can. Stay strong. Sending you hugs. X

Babe1

*max* wrote: »

This makes so angry on your behalf! You have NO REASON to feel guilty about feeling this way, it's perfectly normal. The problem is you are not given a bloody choice about looking after them - we all know you love them, you son knows you love them, and he's taking advantage, pure and simple. He's counting on the fact that you would feel too guilty to say no! Of course it should be a pleasure looking after them, but not when it's sprung up on you with no notice and disrupts all you plans. You have every right to feel put out! It's very nearly emotional manipulation, and at the very least completely thoughtless and selfish. I wish I could have a word with him, honestly. This is not on. :cool:

Anyway, I hope you manage to regroup a little and have a relatively peaceful evening. Take some time for yourself, empty your mind for a little bit.

This also - so well said

BrassicWoman

I think you know what needs to be done, and I wish you every strength to do it.


xxx

Savvy_sewing

I have written 28 pages in my diary, attempting to change my head from the total chaos I find my head in.
I feel stronger now. It was harder than ever to achieve this time.
I will be talking to DS and I will be blunt.
I will be looking for my own purpose again, and I will find my next move. My big girls knickers are back on! I can sort out my head, and sleep tonight.