I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

Savvy_sewing

spirit wrote: »

I would also be alarmed at her appearance by the time she got to school.

The worrying thing is that there are so many predators out there who prey on vulnerable kids, those who perhaps are living a chaotic lifestyle and get sucked in by on line predators. If you don't already, you must check her phone and Xbox for such conversations - daily.

DS is keeping tabs on her XBOX etc he is good at that.
The meeting yesterday was good. New Social worker is going to be assigned next week. Formal reply coming in the post.
Reasons to be able to argue the current custody means we can possibly apply to the court earlier for changes.
Things hopefully will calm down soon.

hb2

I'm glad yesterday's meeting went well Mooloo.

I hadn't realised just how much your Gd has been through. It is an awful lot for a youngster to endure and it wouldn't be at all surprising if she needs a bit of professional input to help her deal with things.

Savvy_sewing

hb2 wrote: »

I'm glad yesterday's meeting went well Mooloo.

I hadn't realised just how much your Gd has been through. It is an awful lot for a youngster to endure and it wouldn't be at all surprising if she needs a bit of professional input to help her deal with things.

At the moment she doesn't want to go back to Cams. But I will be keeping my eye on her, and take as much time to chat with her as I can. I will suggest talking to School etc if she wants someone else to chat too.
It is difficult definitely. All of us are in a difficult place at the moment.

I am babysitting for Biggest now. Looks like I have to stop writing as the baby suddenly needs a change. Now she has started solids, peg anyone??

Almost-free

I’m not sure DGD is the best judge of whether she needs to go back to Camhs. If they can find the right therapist for her it could be a huge boon for her to have someone completely impartial to offload to.
My daughter found her social worker invaluable, and it opened up a dialogue between her and me- things she hadn’t been able to tell me because she knew how stressed I was myself about the situation we were in with my ex.

Don’t leave it until she has a breakdown , there may be a delay due to waiting lists in any case .

Mental health problems in her age group are very common as the hormones start raging , and if you are feeling stressed - as an adult who can think logically about things- how must she feel?

It must be like living on quicksand in your home Mooloo despite your best efforts and devotion to your family . Feeling matters are out of control is one of the most stressful things, and can lead to things like anorexia and bulimia as they try to assert some control over their life.

annandale

I can’t imagine coping with all that you do but there are red flags going on here. X box. Take it off her at night. She needs her sleep. She is living in chaos. Not of your making but it is chaos

The bag of worries won’t sort out what’s going on in her life.

Your son needs to get a grip. Father of two.

Your kids take the mick because you let them.

Your ex doesn’t pay a penny and you are sitting feeling bad because your adult daughter can’t get 50 quid from you.

Stop the constant guilt feelings.

Seriously. This isn’t your fault but imagine being your grand daughter being brought up in this chaos.

No wonder she is struggling

Your family use you. That’s the bottom line. You took your sons kids in for the best reasons. That’s clear. But your kids use you. And they’ve been doing it for years. Stop clearing up after them. You are enabling them

I’d cringe if I ever treated my mum like that.

Savvy_sewing

Funny how I see things one way and it is interpreted in another way.
Most of my thoughts and rants on here are not expressed in front of the children. Most of the Chaos is within my head, trying to deal with things. Those around me tend to see the routine, the organised side, the swan on top, not the feet below.
But obviously not as much as I thought.

I will take a step back and look at things with a different eye. I will ask School about referring her back to cahms. Before the possibility of her having a breakdown.
I still have my own doctors appointment to try and book. I must admit after spending Sunday writing my diary, I had felt back in control of my thoughts and on an even keel. I thought we had all slipped into a better basic routine in the house. ?
Time to readjust my thinking about things. Last thing I want is for Dgd to suffer because of my Sons life.
I have definitely come to the conclusion DS can only actually follow through with one task at a time. He definitely needs help, the ex is bombarding him constantly and last night I had to tell him to block her for the rest of the night. She has the children and she should be concentrating on them. She has already failed at being able to get the lad to preschool and DS is having to do the trip now. So we have grounds to appeal the court rulings, DS is seeking the solicitors advice this afternoon.
Time to wake them up. Yes DS should wake himself up, but as I am going down stairs I will automatically be waking him.

hb2

Morning Mooloo et al,

Please don't take our comments as criticism. Most people have been on your thread for much longer than me and it is clear that they are speaking out of a real affection for you. You are doing a great job but the fact is that, even taking into account the less than desirable circumstances, you shouldn't have to be taking everything on to your shoulders (((hugs)))

pollyanna_26

hb2 wrote: »

Morning Mooloo et al,

Please don't take our comments as criticism. Most people have been on your thread for much longer than me and it is clear that they are speaking out of a real affection for you. You are doing a great job but the fact is that, even taking into account the less than desirable circumstances, you shouldn't have to be taking everything on to your shoulders (((hugs)))

I agree with this Mooloo . Apart from the odd troll from time to time those here are supportive and wish the best for you and yours.
My concern is the amount of balls you're constantly trying to keep in the air.I know feelings of guilt come along with being a parent but the electricity and food situation with Twin2 continues whether you bail her out or don't. I know how long you tried to get her support but you can only cope with a few things not everything.


As I see it ( yourself and other posters may disagree ) Your focus needs to be on those under your roof yourself included and your Mum - I hope she coped with the funeral and will in time be able to move on from the loss of that friend of many years and be glad she was in her life.


From when you had the twins and babies living with you you've been firefighting . for them , ds and Biggest along with DGD. Thankfully Biggest has stepped up and become a support to you .
Once the legal stuff is sorted one way or another DS needs professional help to move forward especially if he needs to get to a position to himself put a roof over the little ones heads , handle a budget and cope.


I'm glad you will be discussing support for DGD . She's been with you through all the ups and downs and trying to shield a child from various situations doesn't work however hard you try .
She's at an age when she could become a target for predators whether a school bully/bullies or those who can spot someone vulnerable a mile off . I don't say that lightly, my youngest was targeted by older men as she tried to cope with the Aspergers diagnosis that was wrongly diagnosed at the age of 13.
The fallout wrecked her life for many years and it's only with intensive therapy she's worked her way out of the damage.
I'm not saying that will be DGDs fate but the right support now may prevent any problems .


If CAMHS can't sort it talk to your GP . You've done your best but someone qualified has to deal with this.



I would hate to think your safe place to vent or discuss life in general isn't feeling supportive to you. You need to choose your battles , acknowledge that guilt is not helpful or deserved . There have been times you've enabled certain behaviour but we all do that until we realise it's pointless and doesn't change things.
pollyx

Savvy_sewing

I need to get to work. Yesterday I struggled to achieve much at work. Far too many interruptions. DS has seen his Solicitor, they have a meeting with Social next week, that I am not part of (and glad I am not!), and will then decide what steps to take next.
So we are just plodding along at home for now.
The job for today is the loo seat! I never did it either. I know the seat is fine but the lid had snapped and I hadn't realised how many times I put it down and sit on it when in the bathroom, from sorting the laundry, bathing, etc
Or I have the washing on it while I hang it up in the bathroom.
Use it as a table when I am in the bath etc!! So it's frustrating me now.
Here is hoping for a more productive day.

Savvy_sewing

I am at work. 5 fittings done and it's only 11am
One trouser hem all I have seen. I have a sharp pain in my tummy, not good. I don't need to get poorly now.

My brothers grandson is very poorly in hospital, he has some form of cancer, he's only 9. So my brother may have to come over to the Uk soon. His partner is over here at the moment helping her daughter move home.
Mum has decided not to go to my sister's this summer. So she is going to need my help all through the year now. Normally I get a couple of months off when she goes to France.
Everything seems to be changing at the moment