I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

Savvy_sewing

Kids running amuck in the bedroom. As fast as I try to settle them, they jump out of bed again and start making each other laugh!
5 minutes before I decided to put them to bed they were rubbing their eyes and getting sleepy!
I hope that I am not worn out before they are, but I am not sure if I will win this one!!!

Savvy_sewing

Wonder what today will bring?
I had plans but I don't seem to be on the same page as everyone else these days.
I have been hibernating in my room with my tea and reading. Allowing DS to deal with the children.
I have a list of todo's, wants, musts and shoulds , but a reluctance to get moving!

BrassicWoman

Mooloo, please take this as coming from a place of concern for you.


For all that you had made hard decisions about not taking on extra children, you seem to have taken on extra children. And I know you agonised over this for weeks!



Single parents organise babysitters and childminders for when they need to work.



Maybe DS needs reminded of this? You seem to have slipped into the carer role simply because he needs a carer. It does not have to be you all of the time...


You are entitled to your own life!

elisamoose

I know for DS it is not quite as simple as hiring a childminder or asking a friend.When children are on a child protection plan and subject to public law outline procedures , everyone who cares for them has to be DBS checked or undertake an assessment.

hb2

Yes, I was thinking what Brassic Woman said Mooloo, you have very quickly become sole babysitter for DS's children - sometimes without warning and, it seems, always without prior consultation. You can only stretch an elastic band so far before it breaks . . .

pollyanna_26

I've been away for a few days so just had a quick catch up. Totally agree childminders etc aren't an option in the present circumstances .


I can see why posters are talking of ds feeling overwhelmed . However there was a clear order of dealing with things that needed sorting. Apart from court which he handled well on his own the two main priorities on his list were sorting the bank situation including opening a basic account in a bank unconnected to his present one.
It still isn't clear if any cards the gf was using were jointly held or solely in his name .


The 2nd priority was contacting a decent free debt service . I suggested Stepchange but there are a few other decent choices . It isn't clear if that has been done and any debt put into an affordable monthly arrangement .


The fact is if he's not sorting things properly it does become overwhelming when other things are on the list. He's very aware Mooloo will help and advise him even though only he can deal with the bank and debts.So he has support and back up but reading about him not coming home and not letting her know is downright rude.


Looking at the time she sent him a text she should have been fast asleep and not trying to get in touch with him .
I may be wrong but it looks as though he's avoiding dealing with urgent things which I can understand in a way . Nobody wants to be in such situations but the fact is you can run but you can't hide and everything escalates to a higher level , charges mount up and things are harder to untangle.


Reading about Mooloo mowing the lawn while knowing she had a lot of work to get through made me wonder why he couldn't have mown the lawn while she sat in the sun for a while before starting sewing. He could still have gone out afterwards .


I really wish I could post something positive . Of course he's entitled to a bit of down time but it looks as though he's not seeing the bigger picture and doing the important stuff too.


You spoke of yourself as his host a few days ago Mooloo. You aren't running a hotel or guesthouse although they too have rules . You're his mum , you have dgd to care for and Sats2 will be happening in a few weeks. He and the little ones are living in the family home officially which has involved you contacting both housing and hb so your benefit can be adjusted . Basically he needs to act like a family member , not go walkabout when he pleases and give you reasonable notice of any changes to his shift times.
pollyx

Savvy_sewing

BrassicWoman wrote: »

Mooloo, please take this as coming from a place of concern for you.


For all that you had made hard decisions about not taking on extra children, you seem to have taken on extra children. And I know you agonised over this for weeks!



Single parents organise babysitters and childminders for when they need to work.

Maybe DS needs reminded of this? You seem to have slipped into the carer role simply because he needs a carer. It does not have to be you all of the time...


You are entitled to your own life!

Unfortunately not.
I suggested a babysitter, my Saturday girl with her Mums back up, but social frowned upon it. Basically vetoed the possibility. Despite my knowledge of the family etc

Savvy_sewing

hb2 wrote: »

Yes, I was thinking what Brassic Woman said Mooloo, you have very quickly become sole babysitter for DS's children - sometimes without warning and, it seems, always without prior consultation. You can only stretch an elastic band so far before it breaks . . .

I chose to put my foot down and refused to babysit today, at breakfast he said his hours 6-till close had been changed to 12-6.
I refuse to babysit. I said I had plans and also that I could not cope.
DS was not home before 3am so I was up and down, baby woke at 6.45 am and I had to take him down stairs to his Dad and wake him.
I decided enough was enough, said I had made plans and went out for the day.
It did mean DS lost work but actually it also meant he had to stay home with the kids and not disappeared.
( I felt guilty, but I had also felt trapped, if I had not been reading about assertiveness while drinking my tea, I would have not rebelled.
Instead I got to drive my convertible with the roof down, and walk by the river on a glorious day.

pollyanna_26

Good for you Mooloo . You driving with the roof down reminded me of Lucy Jordon driving through Paris in a sports car with the warm wind in her hair. If you don't know the song google The Ballad of Lucy Jordon , she never did get to drive through Paris and it ended with lost dreams and hopes . A good reason to stand firm with your dreams and plans and stand strong when others actions may not be what you need.
Wishing you a peaceful night .

pollyx

Savvy_sewing

Back to school for Dgd and the 4 year old. Work for me. I didn't sew as much as I had expected over the weekend, so I will be taking the jobs back with me. Today is curtains that are coming in and must be done in the opening hours ready for collection at 4pm
The possibility of doing much else is quite slim. But we will have to see.
I can hear the children chatting away in their room. I suppose it's time to properly meet the day then.
Here's hoping for a good one!
It's needed.