I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

pollyanna_26

Sorry you're having restless nights and the nightmares are back . You have so many things to think about at the moment. I've no idea why ds couldn't sort things at the bank but he needs all financial connections to the gf severed . If he is responsible for debt related to when he lived there he can arrange to pay his share .
He needs to make it clear to all involved that he no longer lives there , holds residency for the little ones and the relationship is over .
He can open a basic bank account if his earnings are paid into an account . If he's receiving any benefits they can go in too. The advantage is he can't go overdrawn or have a credit card . So if not done already , clear letters to all concerned and a copy kept .


It must be good to see the space for the workshop dug out . Exciting times indeed . Do you like herbal teas? Some of them are very helpful when sleep is difficult .
pollyx

Savvy_sewing

Bank said that subscriptions would roll over to any new card he had so it would not stop what she's already doing. Amazon said due to data protection they can't deal with DS ( even though she's used his details the account is in her name!)
I have suggested that he emails her to say that she is committing fraud and unless she stops and refunds him, then he will have no choice but to go to the legal route. ( not sure what legal route, but as she's not the brain of Britain she might think twice!)
Shop is busy, and that's good. But I am fed up of explaining that I might be convenient etc not enough people buy to be sustainable.

pollyanna_26

I can see a problem Mooloo . Whether he's given her his bank and card details or she's come across them herself he will struggle to sort this as he'll be seen not to have protected his security.
He needs to stop any cards in his name and open another account.
No one but me knows my bank details however trustworthy. It's part of the terms and conditions and not protecting those pins , card numbers etc remove protection if fraud occurs.
pollyx


ETA If the accounts with amazon and the subscriptions are solely in her name and she's using a card solely in your sons name it is fraud .He probably wont get back what she's spent but the situation needs clearly explaining to the bank,amazon and whoever the subscriptions are with.
A notice removing him from any future link with her financially can be done stating he will not be responsible.
Keep a paper trail of all contact with the bank etc

charlie3090

Moo,

if the account is in his sole name,can he just close the account and open a new one with another bank?,
they cant take money if there is no account any more. x

pollyanna_26

charlie3090 wrote: »

Moo,

if the account is in his sole name,can he just close the account and open a new one with another bank?,
they cant take money if there is no account any more. x

I think I forgot to mention opening his new account at another bank. He needs to research which banks aren't connected to his present one as a number are in groups. There are a few banks which are pretty good at setting up new basic accounts . Nationwide is one which comes to mind but as I say it depends who he's banking with now.
polly

beanielou

Yes, good idea for DS to open a new basic bank account which is unrelated to any other account.

Savvy_sewing

Stressed tonight.
DS has gone walk about to clear his head he said, but I think he is avoiding me as I said I needed to talk money etc.
My Mums best and last friend died today, and I also cared about her, knowing her 40 years, and it is hurting me not to mention Mum.
Trying to look forward but feel very stuck in the mud at the moment.
Luckily tomorrow is another day and hopefully we will start again.
My loan for the workshop has come through, scary and exciting too.
I have to make it work now and I don't need the family rubbish to distract me, but tonight I actually broke down and gave it the full loud shoulder shaking tear making sobs.
I had a fleeting moment where I thought I would go get Dgd home tomorrow, get on a plane and use my funds to start a new life. But obviously it's fleeting and reality knows that I cannot be impetuous and I am to face the flack what ever it is.

pollyanna_26

I'm so sorry to hear about your mums friend . So sad and upsetting for you both after so many years for your mum and then you too.


It's horrible how so many things hit at once. Cry as much as you need for all the different reasons . You stay strong,carry on but sometimes tears are needed and now is a time to let them lead you to some healing. Tears aren't just for taking dust from our eyes they're a release for pent up emotion and exhaustion.


I understand feeling like escaping but it doesn't answer anything so was just a fleeting thought. When you are calmer firmly tell ds you are trying to untangle a messy situation not of your making and he can't just walk away when the going gets tough and leave the mess to you.


Anyway on a lighter note . I'm so pleased the money is through for the workshop . Have you picked the one you want yet? You mentioned customers not wanting you to leave the shop . Just keep pushing the fact you are relocating and will let them know when things are sorted.


I wish I could give you a hug Mooloo but am sending a virtual one to you,your dear mum and the rest of the family who knew your mums friend.
pollyx

beanielou

Happy news on the workshop .
Sorry the rest is getting you down,keep plodding

Savvy_sewing

DS didn't come home last night, I messaged him at 2am asking if he planned to come home, he said that he was at a friends who was in trouble, making sure they are ok. I am not impressed. I told him it is only polite to let your host know what you are doing, but even more so when your host is your Mum. I said don't bother answering just think about it, and I tried to get to sleep.
I woke up to the sound of the Bins being emptied. I could have slept longer, nobody else here this morning.
I have moved the loan into the savings account until it's needed.
I have an idea of the building that I want, but have yet to order it.
I will put the exact order in when the hardcore etc has been done, as my neighbour will be doing it in with his extensions works.
I plan to gather my sewing machines that need services (beyond the services that I can do), and drive them over to the warehouse, take Mum along with me for a jolly, have lunch somewhere on the way back.
I plan to enjoy my day.
I realise that DS is not going to hurry to talk to me, sadly, and I cannot help him without his envolvement.