I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

beanielou

A different life indeed .

hb2

I think many of us can identify with the fact that things now are very different from how we imagined them 10 years ago. I was hoping to do more cycling and wondering when I could retire. 10 years later, cycling is completely out of the window and I have retired. Both due to an injury to my sciatic nerve.

Here's hoping the next 10 years bring unexpected pleasures.

Savvy_sewing

After a few days of interrupted sleep, stressful emotions and pleasing everyone else I am having a cannot be bothered day.
I have had a slow start to the day, had a very long soak in the bath with masses of bubbles. Left DS to deal with the children and come to sit up in my cosy corner of my room with a cuppa and a biscuit. I have Skyped my Mum and am not needed there today.
So I am taking back the day for myself and I am going to read and write and do very little else.
I still am struggling with the imminent future and what I will have as my life moving forward so I need to deal with it before the end of the year so I can find and keep a positive start to the next decade.
I really don't want life to be such a rollercoaster of a ride.
My mind changes like the wind with all the issues I have had to deal with and how to move forward. Perhaps I am over thinking because nothing is very clear at the moment and writing usually sorts that out.
I can hear the four year old having anger meltdown at the moment. Dad is dealing with it in his own way. But the urge to intervene is not on my radar at all.
I could easily run away today, get in the car and drive anywhere or hide under the duvet.
I just want to disengage from the lot of them today.

ivyleaf

Not surprising you feel like that, SS!
Wishing you well for 2020.

NeilCr

Savvy_sewing wrote: »

After a few days of interrupted sleep, stressful emotions and pleasing everyone else I am having a cannot be bothered day.
I have had a slow start to the day, had a very long soak in the bath with masses of bubbles. Left DS to deal with the children and come to sit up in my cosy corner of my room with a cuppa and a biscuit. I have Skyped my Mum and am not needed there today.
So I am taking back the day for myself and I am going to read and write and do very little else.
I still am struggling with the imminent future and what I will have as my life moving forward so I need to deal with it before the end of the year so I can find and keep a positive start to the next decade.
I really don't want life to be such a rollercoaster of a ride.
My mind changes like the wind with all the issues I have had to deal with and how to move forward. Perhaps I am over thinking because nothing is very clear at the moment and writing usually sorts that out.
I can hear the four year old having anger meltdown at the moment. Dad is dealing with it in his own way. But the urge to intervene is not on my radar at all.
I could easily run away today, get in the car and drive anywhere or hide under the duvet.
I just want to disengage from the lot of them today.

I come back to this thread with trepidation (I'lll get accused of not having children) but - having experience of much the same with my partner - I would like to chip in again

First of all you can't please everyone. It's not possible. Don't even try.

To be honest in this situation you have to work with the least worst alternative. You, also, really need to schedule in "me time". I've learned to plan ahead. I talk to her son (and her, obviously) and get things in the diary. We went up to London for her birthday (as a surprise - worked very well) - we went to see Sir Rod just before Xmas. We have a few other things in the next couple of months

In a way I am lucky as her son knows his work pattern well ahead - not sure about your son - but, you know, at times your son should be able to not have to work extra hours and let you have your own space and time.

As you say your mind changes regularly - it's really noticeable with your posts. Much as it is hard for her my partner is more focussed and controlled. I think that is good but hard - it makes the whole situation no less frustrating, though, for her!

I, genuinely, as ever, wish you well. Easy to say difficult to do. Make a plan and stick with it. It ain't easy but if you repeat enough '"I am out tomorrow/on the nth of the month" it does get through. Much as the son might grumble..,������

Savvy_sewing

I think my dilemma is more about my ability or not to work while dealing with the family issues. I am not going back on the agreements to care for the children, it's just how I manage everything.
I will get there.
I just need to find a way forward that sits with my ethos of working against caring. As I cannot see my ability to do both well anymore.
But I still need an income

NeilCr

Savvy_sewing wrote: »

I think my dilemma is more about my ability or not to work while dealing with the family issues. I am not going back on the agreements to care for the children, it's just how I manage everything.
I will get there.
I just need to find a way forward that sits with my ethos of working against caring. As I cannot see my ability to do both well anymore.
But I still need an income

I have no idea of your son's work pattern but can you not designate 1/2 days a week that are your work days . So he/your family knows/know those are sacrosant

Unless you can establish some order this is just going to go around and around. At the moment it sounds like the tail is wagging the dog.

hb2

Ss, like Neil, I think it will be important to get some sort of routine in place. So, time for children, time for work and time for you. Don't forget that you are important in your own right, not 'just' as mother, daughter, babysitter, taxi driver etc.

Savvy_sewing

I have trapped a nerve or something in my upper spine and it is agony moving my head or my left arm.
I have had to retire to my room and leave DS to deal with the children. Luckily for me he had cancelled work this weekend after the terrible toothache and antibiotics/morphine etc had originally knocked him for six. A trip to the doctor is probably on the cards for tomorrow.
Been a long time since I have felt so much pain.
Looking forward to the new year and school starting again, little one is going to be going to Nursery three days a week soon. I will have one day for time with Mum etc and two to work. Things should settle down once the celebrations are over.
DS tries to give me advanced notice of his shifts but his boss is very bad at doing the rota in advance.

hb2

I'm sorry you are in so much pain, I hope your doc is able to help (((hugs))).