I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

Savvy_sewing

What will be will be.
I have enough of the facts to know that Biggest is not the help etc. Recently she has really laid in to me both at my home and via the message option on the phone.
Yes she has been the biggest support over the years, but that doesn't stop the fact that today ( and actually I have seen it before) that she is domineering, argumentative and putting her brother down constantly. With hubby throwing his weight into the mix.
Long story I will try to explain another day.
I need sleep tonight.
Good night all x

beanielou

Sleep well:)

candygirl

beanielou wrote: »

More than happy for you to post here polly.
I love reading your posts xx

Me too, n I'm not at all confused, which makes a bloody change at the mo:rotfl:

Savvy_sewing

Morning.
Here is hoping for a good day and no drama from family.
Dgd is still fast asleep.
Mum and I have had our first cuppa.
Found that the chairs from the bar are more comfy for Mum so I have commandeered one for her to sit on on our balcony. As it has arms she is finding it better.
It's very hot out here so we are mostly staying in the shade or in the air conditioning of the room.
We will venture out this morning and go for a drive, I will need to buy something for tea and breakfast for the rest of the week so a trip to Aldi or Lidl is on the cards. We will probably eat out in a restaurant at lunchtime.
We are still on the cash we had with us, but may need the ATM today.

KatrinaWaves

I honestly feel truly sorry for your eldest daughter. I don't know why she is getting such a hard time and your son gets a hard pass on everything!

A quote from before the holiday

Biggest and her husband are in holiday. She rang yesterday that she's double booked herself next week having the boys for me and working somewhere 9 till 3, so she needs DS to help her, he's not thrilled as he is waiting on shifts with the new place.
I think she should look for alternative help or not do the work she's booked in because the children ( that includes hers) need someone on top of things and although I hate to say it DS struggles with his two so having 5 is not going to work.
Well that is her problem not mine.

So she was expected to revolve her life around her brothers children? I'd be pretty cross too. She should cancel her work just in case he gets some shifts he is 'waiting on'

You are putting far too much on her and then blaming her when she cannot help you. YOU committed to looking after your sons children, not your daughter. It is NOT her problem.

I assume she is currently stopping those children from being in foster care, as your son cannot have them alone, right?m What credit is she getting for that? I don't care if she is slagging off your son, making snide remarks and asking him to kiss her feet! She is stopping his children being in care right now. He should be grateful for anything she throws his way. She is his sister and she will no doubt be harsher than you are with him.

I cannot believe you are calling your only child who cares for all of their own children a selfish mare! Someone who is currently looking after 2 additional children because your son chose drugs over them. You truly need to think about what selfish means and who is actually being selfish in this situation. The fact your mum chimed in to agree? I truly, truly, feel sorry for your eldest daughter. What has she done to deserve this eh?

Savvy_sewing

Maybe she doesn't deserve to be called selfish all the time. Maybe I am selfish.
Yes she offered to have the children at hers, but she should have thought about how she was going to cope. Yes it saved the children from going to Respite care for the week, or my cancelling the holiday for Mum, Dgd and Myself.
But the other side of the coin is that she is making DS run around after her and is sending him awful messages. They knew very well that DS was not supposed to be looking after the children on his own, and booking her self to teach dance and leave him with the children got him into trouble with social at the beginning of the week.
Then unfortunately she has now pulled a ligament in her foot, and now DS is having to do her children as well as his own. If some thought had gone into the situation then perhaps they actually would have been better in the respite care, instead of bursting at the seams in a house full of tension and aggression.
There is little point in snide remarks and bullying. They knew that DS was not able to be on his own, etc they had the children for 5 or so weeks last year, so they are well aware of their issues etc.
I am cross with the way they are treating DS, I am not taking his bad habits in the past as a reason to continually be horrible to him, he's already at his lowest point, and no good will come of it.

Good intentions don't mean that good deeds are born from it. Stressing everyone out is not a good outcome for any of the children, here or his.

Obviously Mum and I will not be having any future holidays now, we know that this is the last one if I have the children under my care.
I will have the children to consider but this holiday was booked a good long time ago. I will save for a Haven or similar for next year for the children. Mum will not cope with little ones. So she will only be able to go to my Brothers in future.

DS obviously cannot do tight for doing wrong, but actually he is trying to help. He is very well aware of his failings in the past and he is trying to change. His self esteem etc is rock bottom. He needs councilling, and support, and sensible options. He needs the opportunity to continue to right his life. I don't agree with his actions in the past, and I am very disappointed with that, but that will get us nowhere.
What is making him wear a hair shirt going to achieve?
I am not trying to make him out to be a saint, I know full well he is not.

KatrinaWaves

He probably needs a combination of what you are providing, and what his sister is providing. You accept you have been too lenient with things previously (drugs, xbox, spending time with a new girlfriend, the larping, not helping etc) She is clearly not having any of it, and good on her. maybe she IS being too harsh, but you are being too soft, so a combination of both may be a good wake up call to your son that not everyone will just let him do as he pleases and pick up the pieces.

Just taking his word on what is happening and the reasons why is not a good move. I am sure she will have something to say on the matter, and whilst she may be being a out and out b*tch, I think I would be to my brother if he did this to my mother...

What I will say is, you say you cannot tell him what to do etc. Clearly your daughter IS managing to 'control' him in such a way that he feels it necessary to cry in a wendy house because of the treatment. Why is she able to 'get results' out of him, get him to do what she wants, where you cannot? Maybe you need to take lessons from her in how to handle him, because she is getting a different reaction from him than you do, and maybe its not such a bad thing...

Savvy_sewing

I am not just taking his word, and I haven't said anything to her either. Just vented my frustration on here.
I saw screenshots of her messages so I can read.
Kicking a lame dog is not going to make it walk any better.
Finding out what is making it lame works much better.
There are days when each of my children will be driving me mad, and days when I'm happy with them.
My frustration doesn't last for ever, and staying angry doesn't work.
Maybe I am too soft.
Maybe she's too harsh. I am trying to be firm. Though it doesn't seem to be coming over as such. Maybe on here I am defending him too much.
I never said I was perfect. I am not.

KatrinaWaves

No one is saying you are saying you are perfect.

The issue was with you chatting with your mum about both having a selfish mare for a daughter.

You are out swimming with dolphins whilst she deals with 5 children. 2 of which because she is trying to help you out, to help her brother out.

Calling her selfish is terrible, sorry, and makes you seem extraordinarily biased towards your son, who actually IS selfish. yes, kicking him whilst he is down isnt going to help, but maybe its actually a kick up the backside that he needs.

WabbitWabbit

I think that your son is so selfish and immature, you are doing so much for him and his children yet he spoils your time away complaining about his sister. Why not wait until you get home as most people would, there is nothing you can do whilst away.
Yes, he should be tired, most single parents of young children are, it is exhausting getting up in the night and early morning starts. He has not had to do that when staying with you as you are the one that gets up for them and lets him sleep in after a late night...single parents do not have that benefit.
I feel that your daughter must be a little put out as you can't really help with her children now but you are doing everything for your sons children.
From what I understand your son does not contribute anything towards his children and that his earnings are for himself. Is he contributing towards his sisters increased expenses?
Please do not fall out with your daughter, you both need each other. I am sure your son will not be living with you for much longer.