I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

WabbitWabbit

I just feel that Mooloo should have been allowed to enjoy the time away with her mother and granddaughter. Her son is 26 and to be crying down the phone over being tired or his sister telling him what to do is selfish.
Mooloo has had a very stressful few months taking on the responsibility of her two young grandchildren as her son has and is not stepping up to the plate. I do think that this break is going to be the last relaxing time away (was meant to be relaxing) for a quite a while. It was just one week that is all but her son could not let her enjoy it, ...I am sure that Mooloo is very stressed and it is so unfair and totally unnecessary.

CruisingSaver

WabbitWabbit wrote: »

I just feel that Mooloo should have been allowed to enjoy the time away with her mother and granddaughter. Her son is 26 and to be crying down the phone over being tired or his sister telling him what to do is selfish.
Mooloo has had a very stressful few months taking on the responsibility of her two young grandchildren as her son has and is not stepping up to the plate. I do think that this break is going to be the last relaxing time away (was meant to be relaxing) for a quite a while. It was just one week that is all but her son could not let her enjoy it, ...I am sure that Mooloo is very stressed and it is so unfair and totally unnecessary.

Biggest also has responsibility for this as well. Her kicking off at DS is not helping Mooloo have a relaxing break and the least she can do is keep her lip buttoned and just get on with it until Moo is back from holiday.

KatrinaWaves

geminilady wrote: »

We do not know what the texts Mooloo mentioned said and your statement that DS found it necessary to cry in a wendy house as if it is a good thing and shows is sister can control him,.Have you thought he just might be at the end of his tether, one minute he can be with his children then he can't. Is driving someone to tears a good way to control them?. Do you know that a large number of suicides are young men?. You can roll your eyes as much as you like your comments ARE harsh.

Likewise, we don’t know what was said.

I’m not going to engage in your sensationalist and crude allusions to suicide as they are simply intended to make everyone back off from criticism. Are you really saying that his sister has made him suicidal?! No. You’re just reaching.

Mooloo has spoken at length about her inability to ‘influence’ her son into good habits with money, childcare, work, various things. The fact that his sister is able to get to him is, in my opinion, a good thing. He needs gotten to. If that means he has to cry to realise then fine. Assuming that someone is crying therefore is suicidal is a reach and a half.

Someone needs to get through to her son. I mean he isn’t contributing to the children because he has no money but can pay for the Xbox, but ‘it’s better than drugs so let’s accept it’ it’s a hugely slippery slope.

He needs a voice in his life that shouts at him and tells him ‘the Xbox is a piece of plastic that is taking your time and money away from your children. Get a grip!’ If that is his sister then I applaud every harsh word his sister has said. He clearly isn’t getting it from Mooloo (not a criticism but it’s very clear that he will be defended regardless by his mum, and that’s probably what mums are for, but that means he needs a critical voice even more)

KatrinaWaves

CruisingSaver wrote: »

Biggest also has responsibility for this as well. Her kicking off at DS is not helping Mooloo have a relaxing break and the least she can do is keep her lip buttoned and just get on with it until Moo is back from holiday.

The daughter moaning at the son is nothing to do with mooloo. It’s not the daughter moaning to mummy, it’s the son. The only person dragging her in is her son, and it’s worked because she is backing him up as if he’s trying his best and everyone else should just accept that. He might be trying his best but it’s been clear that’s not good enough...

geminilady

KatrinaWaves wrote: »

You are out swimming with dolphins whilst she deals with 5 children. 2 of which because she is trying to help you out, to help her brother out.

From what I read she was not dealing with 5 children she went to work. My comments about suicide were not sensationalism they are facts and I did not say his sister was driving him to it I said he might be at the end of his tether. I do not think trying to control ds is the answer he needs some councelling, advise on how to deal with his debts and support dealing with the social workers

Babe1

Mooloo, I agree with Dreaming completely - don't take one side over the other here - they are siblings, and although you have seen evidence of what has been said, it's best to let Biggest and DS deal with this themselves.

Katrina Waves, is right that Biggest has kept the Boys within the family, while you are away - but it will have come at a cost to her, I expect from her Husband. They are themselves only just trying to get over a relationship "blip" - this will be an added pressure on that relationship, that is possibly still a bit unsteady.

I don't see why you are not able to have continued holidays with your Mum, Mooloo? The two of you sound like you have a lovely Mother/Daughter relationship - why should you not continue to have those special holidays while your Mum is still fit enough, to take them?

When SS/Court etc gets sorted finally, are you not able to say that twice a year, that the children need to have respite care so you are able to continue to have time with your Mum. Surely that is not unreasonable, after all you are taking on.

Why do you have to think "no more holidays with Mum", and that the future agenda will be that it is down to you to arrange holidays for DS and the Boys.

I know your Mum gets to go and stay with your Brother, but maybe her holidays with you are more leisurely and she feels more rested after. I think it would be terribly sad for both of you, that those breaks won't continue.

If Respite is in place for X amount of days per year, it will also stop this very situation that has happened this holiday between Biggest/DS.

No stress, no pressure, no worries - the Boys looked after in Foster for a week, you and your Mum have a lovely restful break, DGD at her Mums - DS can do what he wants for the week.

I don't like harsh words - I think we can all have opinions and voice them, but Mooloo does her very best by everyone else, but I think she always comes last. It doesn't mean that anyone is "right/wrong"... We all walk in different shoes and along different paths.

beanielou

Babe1 wrote: »

Mooloo, I agree with Dreaming completely - don't take one side over the other here - they are siblings, and although you have seen evidence of what has been said, it's best to let Biggest and DS deal with this themselves.

Katrina Waves, is right that Biggest has kept the Boys within the family, while you are away - but it will have come at a cost to her, I expect from her Husband. They are themselves only just trying to get over a relationship "blip" - this will be an added pressure on that relationship, that is possibly still a bit unsteady.

I don't see why you are not able to have continued holidays with your Mum, Mooloo? The two of you sound like you have a lovely Mother/Daughter relationship - why should you not continue to have those special holidays while your Mum is still fit enough, to take them?

When SS/Court etc gets sorted finally, are you not able to say that twice a year, that the children need to have respite care so you are able to continue to have time with your Mum. Surely that is not unreasonable, after all you are taking on.

Why do you have to think "no more holidays with Mum", and that the future agenda will be that it is down to you to arrange holidays for DS and the Boys.

I know your Mum gets to go and stay with your Brother, but maybe her holidays with you are more leisurely and she feels more rested after. I think it would be terribly sad for both of you, that those breaks won't continue.

If Respite is in place for X amount of days per year, it will also stop this very situation that has happened this holiday between Biggest/DS.

No stress, no pressure, no worries - the Boys looked after in Foster for a week, you and your Mum have a lovely restful break, DGD at her Mums - DS can do what he wants for the week.

I don't like harsh words - I think we can all have opinions and voice them, but Mooloo does her very best by everyone else, but I think she always comes last. It doesn't mean that anyone is "right/wrong"... We all walk in different shoes and along different paths.

I so agree.

pollyanna_26

Just catching up on the last few days. If anyone remembers Trigger's broom in Only Fools and Horses ( only a number of replacement handles and brushes) that sums up my laptop,I was about to post and the touch pad decided to give up. Managed to pick up a mouse today so plugging that in has thankfully let me use the touch pad as usual.


Mooloo I envy your time with the dolphins and can picture dgds joy at being with them once again. The apartment seems a much better choice for you all.


I wouldn't discount going abroad again. Wait until you're home to get to the bottom of things. I think it was thoughtless of ds and Biggest to message you on your much needed break . Whatever the problems they should keep it between themselves. Both I and others have said in the past there are times you shouldn't be upset by texts and messages and this was such a time. In an emergency it's different but other than that all they should do is let you have a break while making sure both dgd , your mum and you make the most of your time away.
pollyx

SingleSue

I can be a bit of a Sergeant major, I don't always intend to be but people not pulling their weight or making excuses brings it out in me...maybe biggest is the same and it frustrates her as it does me.

My mum makes so many excuses for my brother and his wife, I tend to be a little more forthright in my opinion as they fail to put offspring first and it is something I don't agree with. To my mind, using depression, low self esteem etc is not an excuse for not putting your child/children first. I had a breakdown, was in an abusive marriage for over 20 years, had the self esteem of zero, was a single parent and my children were still front and center in my efforts despite being completely exhausted due to lack of sleep because their varying disabilities meant little to no sleep and rushing around like a loony during the day. I've even signed myself out of hospital early when I had sepsis. Then there were school runs with pneumonia, gastroenteritis, a back so badly injured I couldn't walk, kidney infections, school meetings and parents evenings when I was so depressed I just wanted to hide under my duvet and leaving the house was just panic attack after panic attack. The boys and their needs and well being always came first.

I had no choice but to carry on, to find some way through it despite feeling like a piece of excrement on the bottom of someone's shoe or feeling so tired/ill I was like the walking dead...it's what you do when you are a parent.

Savvy_sewing

The remarks about suicide are not rediculous. Unfortunately DS's best friend committed suicide a few years ago, and DS has been so low that I have said many times that that is my fear. Biggest is complaining, DS is stressed. Twin 2 is asking for help as no electricity and everyone is out for the night, she's scared of the dark.
My ex bf's Dad was buried yesterday and he is texting. I am getting phone calls from customers and from social.
Life unfortunately doesn't switch off because I am not at home.
But we are enjoying our time here, although I have actually hardly been in the sun at all. We have spent hours people watching from the balcony, and enjoyed reading and reminiscing. Dgd should have webbed feet by now from being in the pool so much.

Please all stop stressing about the fact that I got annoyed with my family. I told you, I write as I think it, but I have not fawned all over DS or let rip at Biggest.

I may well give everyone a piece of my mind when I get home, but it will be about the future not the past.
Now it is late and I need to get some sleep as I only have one day left and we are going to the zoo marine to see the shows that we couldn't do with Mum as it was too much for her the other day.
We have been and brought her a salad for lunch , etc and she is going to stay here while we go back tomorrow.