I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

NeilCr

WabbitWabbit wrote: »

Why not wait until you get home as most people would, there is nothing you can do whilst away.

This was the bit that struck me.

There is no way any of my partner's kids would do this - unless there was an emergency of course. Even if we are out for lunch/the day they rarely call. If they do she usually says she'll get back to them in the evening when she gets home

She always talks about kids (small ones!) needing boundaries. In your case, Mooloo, I really do think that is something you need to set up with your son and get him to stick to them. Otherwise, it will happen more and more.

beanielou

Shocked by the harshness on this thread.

KatrinaWaves

beanielou wrote: »

Shocked by the harshness on this thread.

Does MSE have an eyeroll emoji?

It has been said before, this is not a forum for outpourings of unconditional support regardless. Clearly a lot of people, myself included, felt a certain way about the opinions and words used, so we expressed ours back.

I am shocked you are shocked...

beanielou

KatrinaWaves wrote: »

Does MSE have an eyeroll emoji?

It has been said before, this is not a forum for outpourings of unconditional support regardless. Clearly a lot of people, myself included, felt a certain way about the opinions and words used, so we expressed ours back.

I am shocked you are shocked...

We can agree to differ then!

NeilCr

beanielou wrote: »

Shocked by the harshness on this thread.

To be honest I was a bit shocked by the comments Mooloo (and her mum) made about the daughter.

I am an admirer of Mooloo and all that she takes on. I try to post constructively - there have been times I have sat on my hands as I don't think OTT criticism helps much (although as suggested balance is good). Not sure, though, Mooloo always helps herself. I think sometimes things are said in the heat of the moment and it might be better not to post until the dust settles and all is clearer.

I speak as someone who learnt the hard way (mostly through trying to get emails done late at work) that taking a bit of time and coming to something with a fresh approach is often good!

beanielou

NeilCr wrote: »

To be honest I was a bit shocked by the comments Mooloo (and her mum) made about the daughter.

I am an admirer of Mooloo and all that she takes on. I try to post constructively - there have been times I have sat on my hands as I don't think OTT criticism helps much (although as suggested balance is good). Not sure, though, Mooloo always helps herself. I think sometimes things are said in the heat of the moment and it might be better not to post until the dust settles and all is clearer.

I speak as someone who learnt the hard way (mostly through trying to get emails done late at work) that taking a bit of time and coming to something with a fresh approach is often good!

This is so true

Savvy_sewing

I am not going to dissect and anylise my posts to death.
I haven't fallen out with her. I didn't copy down what was said to make me feel as I did yesterday.
I am sorry that I have shocked people and had such a harsh reaction from others, but that is how I felt yesterday and how my Mum feels about my sister who is very selfish.

Maybe my coming away with Dgd and my Mum was not the best timing in the world and maybe we should have cancelled it. But Mym would have lost all the money she's paid for it as it was booked long before I said that I would try to help with the boys, and I told Social about the holiday at the very beginning.
DS has less than £100 a week at the moment and it's all gone out on his overdraft and yes the Xbox. I am not happy about that but I would rather he kept the Xbox than went back on drugs.
Every week that he is off the drugs it is a bonus. Every week he engages with the social, goes to the rehab place, is giving hope for the future.
I told Social that I cannot do it on my own only a few weeks ago. They said DS could be alone with his children, then they have said he can't, and nobody seems to be giving anyone the reasons why etc.
He does get up with his children, he does do the night times, it has only been the odd time that I have done it with him still in the house.
Things are just a mess

Savvy_sewing

DS had promised to help me empty the shop as Biggest and her hubby said they would help then they decided to have a last minute holiday, that was fine, I bought the tent for them. But no DS can't help me with the shop, and he was trying to do the jobs I had asked him and then couldn't. I have said that it doesn't matter, I will have to do it myself before the week is out as the lease runs out.
DS is happy to do his own children, and would have done if Social hadn't changed the goal posts.
He thought that as his sister had offered to have the children then he could do the jobs, attend the meetings, and help at bedtime. He was happy to take his children out but social told him he couldn't.
No doubt when we get back someone will say it was not meant to be this or that. I will be glad when the courts finally decide what they want us to do. Then a can't tell us b and change it to c five minutes later.
DS is helping his sister, and he sat with her and 4 children in A& E for 4 hours when she hurt her foot dancing.
Her Husband didn't.
I do feel for her hurting her foot, I worry how she is coping, and how DS is helping her.
We will be home on Sunday afternoon and then everyone can calm down and get back into a new routine ready for work and school

dreaming

I'm not going to criticise Mooloo for what she wrote. Sometimes you just have to say something out loud, or write it on a page, to get it out of your head. Much better that she says it on here than starts ringing back home and shouting the odds. I do however think she should stay out of the argument and tell her adult children to sort it out between themselves. This is the attitude I take with my two, sho haven't actually spoken to each other for a year or so (although they do send cards for birthdays and Christmas). To be honest it's pretty much the same way I dealt with their childhood arguments. Unless things were getting out of hand or one was actually physically harming the other (never came to that fortunately) I tended to ignore either their arguing, or their tale-telling. Nowadays as I said they don't really have a relationship with each other but I believe that as they are both adults they have the right to make their own decisions without feeling that they have to pretend to have a relationship that they clearly don't feel just to please me. It is a bit odd I guess and makes me a little sad at times, but I actually have good relationships with both of them and I sometimes think it is because I respect them and their decisions. So if I were Mooloo I would tell them to sort it out themselves, enjoy the rest of the holiday and then come home and not say a word to either of them. Backing one against the other is likely to lead to Mooloo being in the wrong with one or other of them.

geminilady

What I will say is, you say you cannot tell him what to do etc. Clearly your daughter IS managing to 'control' him in such a way that he feels it necessary to cry in a wendy house because of the treatment. Why is she able to 'get results' out of him, get him to do what she wants, where you cannot? Maybe you need to take lessons from her in how to handle him, because she is getting a different reaction from him than you do, and maybe its not such a bad thing...[/QUOTE]

We do not know what the texts Mooloo mentioned said and your statement that DS found it necessary to cry in a wendy house as if it is a good thing and shows is sister can control him,.Have you thought he just might be at the end of his tether, one minute he can be with his children then he can't. Is driving someone to tears a good way to control them?. Do you know that a large number of suicides are young men?. You can roll your eyes as much as you like your comments ARE harsh.