I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

Savvy_sewing

I think I am still in shock.
I will write my diary. Think of the questions I have and I will call my solicitor tomorrow morning.
We are going to Blenheim tomorrow and will take the children with us. I will have to see about changing the car. The boys need me to focus. DS is in shock because he had been honest that he hadn't touched the cocaine since he moved here, and had reduced and was not smoking around the children, so this sudden turn around is strange.
I can see all of the solicitors having a field day with the delays etc and the amount of time they have allowed him to be with his children. But the gut wrenching threat to remove Dgd if I allowed him to stay smacks of blackmail.
But I am angry today, the shock was immense.
Now I have to deal with it and find a way to get the shop cleared out and the work that is in done.
I have a lot to organise!
Now I have stopped crying. M

Both_Feet_on_Terra_Firma

I am sorry Moo but your son is still smoking cannabis can you honestly say you would be happy to leave any of the children in the care of someone who takes drugs regardless of wether they smoke in front of them or not wether they are your son or AN other I certainly wouldn't I am a bit shocked that this was still continuing with your knowledge and you were happy to leave these children in his care alone for any length of time especially whilst you were going away. Sorry but I have to say it I do understand their point to a degree

beanielou

I just don't understand why this suddenly happened today.
No wonder you are in shock & angry.
If I was nearer I could help in some way.

pollyanna_26

I think you need some space to think things through Mooloo. Quite how you'll manage to get that headspace I'm not sure.
I know I've posted lots of times about DS needing to listen to you about getting his life sorted rather than go awol , fail to come home or just walk out when he didn't want to hear commonsense .


I did fear the point would come when he wouldn't be allowed to stay under your roof and now it's happened. Apart from the little ones the worry will be for dgd. I don't think she would want to follow her uncles example after seeing the mess he's made of things, however SS will possibly feel it is a risk.


Obviously we don't know where he has gone but I don't believe he'll be lucky enough to find a flat connected to his new job as he did when he left the ex previously.

I don't think it is fair for Biggest to house him for now when she's had her own problems and is working on her marriage. The school holidays will complicate things too.


If she is able to look after the little ones to enable you to finish sorting the shop that would help and repay some of the babysitting .
Perhaps one of the people he works with or the new gf would be able to share a flat with him.


One solution for now would be if twin2 could make that move near to where he works though I doubt either he or she have the means to find a flat or house share.


I'm a bit stuck for what to say, no wise words I'm afraid. My heart bleeds for you . I hope you take proper advice on the legality of this situation . I'm afraid he's let you down again and that is unfair and cruel. My hope is you can get that advice and a chance to think things through carefully.


I'll probably be missing for a few days as the laptop has been overheating and shutting down. The main family techie will have the fan on Saturday so we'll drop the laptop off tomorrow and hopefully he'll get time after his working week to install the fan and do a few tweaks neither youngest or I can do.


I'm ok beanie just struggling with hot and humid weather. I've missed you all too hb2. I'll be back to climbing the walls for a few days until I'm back online again.


Good luck Mooloo . I doubt you'll sleep well but I'm sending you love, light and hope that things will work out for the best.
pollyx


beanie it's such a shame we can't all help Mooloo physically rather than just with words. We'd soon have the shop sorted . You're north of the border and I'm up North but if I lived near Mooloo I'd be happy to help.

Savvy_sewing

Morning.
So today is the first day in our new chapter.
We had an eventful day yesterday, and emotional day, but today is about sorting out my routine, organising my how, but first and foremost we are going out for the day with biggest.
I am hoping that it will be a good one. If tiring.
I can't do anything about the shop. I have added my friend as a admin to my Mooloos Facebook and she is going to go in and post etc and open on Monday.
I am going to find out what help Biggest can be next week so I can get the top floor of the shop finished. Then I can take the children in with me, and DS can come and help me move things.
He is in a hotel tonight ( and last night), but I cannot do that indefinitely.
I am hoping that he will be proactive today and search for a room to rent in a house or something similar. He has his work cut out and needs to act now. ( he may have left it too late, but he needs to start again and only he can do that.

My list didn't happen last night, I was too tired and too fraught.
I am calm this morning.
It is what it is.
Big girls knickers on!

BrassicWoman

I'm so sorry.

You need to concentrate on the little ones; mostly getting the money you need, because you're hardy going to be able to work.

Son is old enough to sort his own accommodation and problems. He needs to get on with it.

Look after YOU and what you need.

hb2

Mooloo, my heart is breaking for you (((hugs))), it seems to be one knock back after another, with very little time to regroup in between

You certainly cannot afford to pay for hotels for your son, especially as you are keeping his children for free! Can you give him a deadline after which it is up to him?

I know you have said that SS won't let you use childminders, but even they have to realise that you can't look after these children on your own, especially is you still need to keep the roof over everyone's head.

As a matter of interest, what part of the country re you in? From what Polly said, you are not north of the border, nor in the north of England - but that still leaves a lot of the country unaccounted for! Let me be clear, I am not asking for anything other than a very general area (if you feel able to do so) just in case anyone here is near enough to offer practical help.

Polly, I hope your computer issues will soon be sorted out properly.

Beanie, I hope that everything is as good as possible for you.

Chrystal

Don't know what to say really...I'm totally gobsmacked!

It appears that SS have totally ambushed you in every way possible. Letting DS stay with you for months, so that you grow the emotional attachment to the children, then telling you that he has to leave immediately or you can't keep ANY of the children, and not offering him a place to stay is beyond inhuman.

Expecting you, and only you, to be with the boys 24/7 is asking the impossible, and even if they came up with 'suitable' people to babysit them they would be strangers to the boys, who have enough turmoil going on at the moment with their Dad having to go missing!
Have they sorted out any financial arrangements yet or do they think you have a secret bank account in Switzerland ??

I'm so glad that your friend is able to help you with the shop (worth her weight in gold) but you shouldn't have been put in any of these situations by SS.

Have you been in touch with your MP? Don't know if it would do any good but it may be worth a try.

I'm keeping everything crossed that you can find a workable solution. ((((hugs))))XX

charlie3090

Chrystal wrote: »

Don't know what to say really...I'm totally gobsmacked!

It appears that SS have totally ambushed you in every way possible. Letting DS stay with you for months, so that you grow the emotional attachment to the children, then telling you that he has to leave immediately or you can't keep ANY of the children, and not offering him a place to stay is beyond inhuman.

Expecting you, and only you, to be with the boys 24/7 is asking the impossible, and even if they came up with 'suitable' people to babysit them they would be strangers to the boys, who have enough turmoil going on at the moment with their Dad having to go missing!
Have they sorted out any financial arrangements yet or do they think you have a secret bank account in Switzerland ??

I'm so glad that your friend is able to help you with the shop (worth her weight in gold) but you shouldn't have been put in any of these situations by SS.

Have you been in touch with your MP? Don't know if it would do any good but it may be worth a try.

I'm keeping everything crossed that you can find a workable solution. ((((hugs))))XX

This exactly , I was unable to put it so clearly but ss have been sneaky I feel,

I hope you have had a lovely day out x

WabbitWabbit

Your son is an adult and has made his own choices and he chose not to stop his drug taking.
You were already caring far more for his children than he was...I think I read from a couple of days ago that you felt he should be up and looking after his boys first thing in the morning, yes he should.
You have had no help financially from him, he has spent his wages on himself and not for any of the needs of his children.
He is not the responsibility of SS, he should be responsible for himself. I am sure he has many friends that he can sofa surf with and if he wants to stay in a hotel then he should pay for it.
SS cannot just leave you to financially support the boys, they are so lucky that you are taking on the responsibility but all your love and care will not put food on the table. I do hope that you keep on at them to get a financial package sorted.
I am sure you must be very disappointed with your son as he did not step up to the plate but I think that you kind of had an idea that this was going to be the case.

I do admire you, it is a lot to take on but am sure that you are making the right decision for you and SS really left you with no other option.