Frump to Fab 2019 - Here We Go Again

humptydumptybits

I always worked when mine were little, I got fed up of the judgement of SAHM who would judge me as not caring about my children, not wanting to be with them etc. Of course it wasn't all SAHM just like it probably wasn't all working women who judged you, the ones who judge us are the ones who stand out.


We just happened to be in a generation where it was changing so people tended to "fight" their own corner even if no one was fighting with them.

lantanna

Just think moll, least you’ve started that’s the hardest bit.

lessonlearned

lantanna wrote: »

Just think moll, least you’ve started that’s the hardest bit.

The thing about fabbing is that it has ramifications that extend further than mere outward appearance. As we travel on this journey we change and evolve and of course change isn’t always easy.

All we need to do is stay focussed and all will be well. .

Always remembering the elephant. One bite at a time.

littlegreenparrot

lessonlearned wrote: »

Well done eandjsmum, great result.

Maman re your comment about "art lovers and self styled connoisseurs of beauty". It made me smile. It also made me think and remember some of my early struggles.

As you know I did an arts degree as a mature student........you should have seen the state of some of the lecturers......:rotfl::rotfl: - seriously some of them looked as if they had been sleeping rough. They thought they were making some kind of political statement, pretending to be working class heroes, siding with the proletariat and all that crap.

Actually it was no more than silly middle class academic posturing of the worst sort. "Oh don't you realise than I am an intellectual therefore my massive brain means I can walk around looking like a tramp. I am far too superior and important to spare a moments thought about how I look. Don't you find me irristible just as I am. I don't need to bother with burgoise conventions such as bathing and wearing clean clothes........I'm God's gift to humanity don't you know."

I felt like saying "Er, No, actually you are conceited, arrogant morons. I AM working class. I AM the real deal......and I bathe, dress well and like to smell good. And.....Unlike you, I don't live in a pig sty". Of course I was far too polite to say anything because my working class parents taught me good manners as well as cleanliness.

And here's where I will probably get absolutely flamed.........:rotfl: but I'm going to say it anway.......two more things that get my goat, as my mum used to say.

Why do people assume that because I like to look good, wear perfume and lippy etc that it automatically makes me a bimbo, an airhead with no feminist credentials, that I don't care about women's rights, equal pay, justice for women etc.

Worse still, because I chose to be a stay at home for a while when the kids were young then why did some people have the right to decide that I was nothing more than a boring little Miss Suzy Homemaker.

Did I leave my brain behind in the delivery room......

In those early years I made a conscious decision to devote my time to my husband and children, making do with the odd "little job" and shelving my career ambitions. My choice of course and I've never regretted it but why did some women look at me with utter contempt and distain because I was "just a wife and mother". It was always women, never men who were so judgemental.

Isn't one of the great tennents of both socialism and feminism one of freedom of choice .......or, in our capitalist money driven society, is it a Henry Ford version of choice. (You can have any colour of car you want, as long as it's black).

So if you are a woman you can exercise your choice as long as you choose to work outside the home and "use your brain". Don't wives and mothers also use their brains too. And why is it the case that you can only be taken seriously if you look like a drab. If you dress up and look good then you have to be a bimbo, right?? Wrong!!!!

In other words, if you don't conform to the New Normal. (Ie working mother) and you dare to be different then you are either lazy or stupid and therefore beyond the pale. You don't fit the current world view so you dont belong ......so much for freedom of choice for women.

It strikes me that both feminism and academic acceptance have become even more restrictive than they were when I was a working class ex council house girl trying to claw her way up the social ladder. The doors are not wide open to all, they are just as closed as they ever were. It's their way, or the highway.

It's ironic that, despite everything, I made my (late) career success in the male world of construction......and not using my looks either. I was well into my late 30s before I got going so not the "dolly bird" I had been in my youth. I couldn't rely on my looks to get me ahead.

The men accepted me and my worth at face value, my brains, my talent, my skills, my work ethic - they were far more accepting of my value and far less judgemental than my so called feminist sisters have ever been.

I'll get off my soap box now.....:rotfl:

I absolutely agree. The key thing is the choice.
My mum gave up work at 21 and spent the next 20 years at home with us. She never cared about clothes, has had the same haircut for 50 years, never wore makeup, or bothered with hair removal or any of it.
I have no children, have always worked, wear makeup most days, wax every month etc etc. We are mutually baffled by the others choices, but both are equally valid.

Moll

Sorry bet you all think im a right wuss, The man is elderly and really kind , and wouldnt dream of hurting my feelings intentionally , Thats why it hurt so much coming from him

silvasava

I was a SAHM until the breakdown of my marriage - and being working class I did just that - went back to work! We can't seem to win either way with some people. I just know that I have brought up two honest decent men with strong work ethics and a good moral compass. Job done! (but it still doesnt stop me worrying about 'my boys' )
LL - I too was a 'mature' student - my mum said to me 'what do you want to do that for at your age?' I was only in my early 40's!!

sugarbaby125

Moll wrote: »

Sorry bet you all think im a right wuss, The man is elderly and really kind , and wouldnt dream of hurting my feelings intentionally , Thats why it hurt so much coming from him

Moll you are so wrong. You are not being a wuss, he just caught you when you were feeling vulnerable. Another day when you were feeling confident, the same encounter may have left you feeling amused. Onwards and upwards Moll.

I have been listing more items for sale on eBay this evening to raise some much needed funds for my other savings account. I listed 7 more items. I like to give a lot of written details as well as lots of photographs of each item, as I know it helps my items to sell. I am aiming to list items all this week.

I am cleaning and organising my and my son's bedrooms. I am hoping that when I book the handyman to assemble my new single pine Shaker bed and my younger son's new bed frame there will be ample space for him to work in both bedrooms. I have to do it bit by bit over a few days or I will ache in every part of my body because of my 3 forms of Arthritis. Ideally I want both beds assembled by this weekend as I cannot stand all of the clutter from the flat packs.

savingfortomorrow

Moll I have a facial recognition issue and I sometimes struggle to place people. I can recognize voices, often out of context but I have learned some coping strategies. Years ago if i had to return change or a meal to a person i would note what they were wearing. I have often gone into a back away from a customer for two seconds and not recognized who i was talking too, especially if they are of the same age, similar hair and gender. I reconize people by shape, stature and very individual features I regularly get names muddled and know some people my whole life and will muddle up two brothers. Giving descriptions are a nightmare as total blank. Imagine trying to explain that to the police looking for someone, can describe shoes but zilch, nada blank; an empty circle where a face is.

I have learned to be highly diplomatic as it is my fault and my issue. People don’t understand and get offended as I need to meet someone many times before i recognize them. I have learned to have a conversation without having a clue who i am speaking too until i place them. I have always had this issue and have learned to adapt. Moll the man might have had developed this issue recently possibly stroke or something. Let not his issue impact upon your self worth or all the work you have done. I would be devastated to think that that my lack of recognizing people really hurt them.

Wearing more formal clothes daily with a coordinating scarf. Wearing the make up and looking my best.

lessons- I think the issue with academics and the scruff clothes is a bit true. It could be because they feel they have to fit a role, donning a costume of tweed and scruffy stuff.
People are narrow minded and slot others, (and themselves often) into narrow little boxes. People are multifaceted and have broad interests, we can adore make up but be more than that. anyone who judges someone on appearance alone is a massive fool.

lessonlearned

Good Morning Lovely Ladies

Just sitting in bed sipping my coffee after 9.5 hours straight sleep!!!

I guess I must have been tired. :rotfl: I dont think I have slept like that since I was a teenager. Am I finally managing to "Turn Back Time". Even Cher couldnt do that......:rotfl:

I have been rereading Dr Chatterjees "Four PIllars of Health". He maintains one of those pillars is sleep. I have been putting some of his advice into practice and apart from the odd sleepless night when I have done something stupid I have to say my sleep Is much improved and I feel tons better as a result. Reduced screen time is definitely helping.

I know it sounds daft but I'm also wondering if my new clutterfree environment is also helping me sleep more soundly, better relaxation, less stress, less mental "commotion" as he calls it.

Anyway it's all good. The world always looks a brighter place after a good nights sleep (yes even this morning). :eek::rotfl:

I have decided not to do any decluttering today, it's too cold up in the attic room:rotfl: - it can wait until it's warmer. So a gentle potter this morning, a bit of ironing and then meeting a friend later for eats and the cinema.

Moll.....hope you are feeling a bit brighter this morning.

And not just you Moll but all of us. Just stay in the game, stay focussed and keep your eye firmly on the prize. Envisage how you want to look. Picture yourself in six months time. Write it down, describing how you will feel, what you will wear, what you will be doing.

When you weaken - Picture a summers day and you wafting along looking and feeling like a million dollars. Hold that image and make that your goal and your inspiration.

Always remember we didn't become frumps overnight, frumpdom crept up on us slowly without our even noticing. We can't expect overnight success. Anything good in life takes effort and commitment. So just stay focussed.

If we fall off the wagon from time to time, and we will because we are only human, then we just have to get back up and start again.

It's not over till the slim lady sings.......:rotfl:

frugal_lass

I’ve been fabbing to levels that are getting me compliments so I wanted to come share with you 😀

Yesterday I got a Body Shop makeover. She didn’t do such a great job with the liquid eyeliner so I popped into Boots and sorted it using a tester (very MSE). I went to meet some friends and they were impressed. I wore perfume and a gorgeous outfit, am told green is my colour!!!

My friend text me to say I looked radiant! I think the most decadent thing I’m doing daily is using my Lotus Wei spray. Do look into them as I feel it’s really changed how I feel. Hope you’re all well.

I’m now putting makeup on daily and it’s making such a difference