Frump to Fab 2019 - Here We Go Again

Moll

i feel so sad an de flated . Im usually very positive , and raring to go , but not today . I met someone who hadnt seen me for about 3 years and when i spoke to him , he looked me straight in the eye, and said "Im just trying to work out who you are ?"............he didnt recognise me !!! 3 years isnt an age ago , i had my glasses on which hes never seen me wear , so i assumed it was that . and laughed it off , This person has known me for MANY years............. and said i think its the hair as well !? I realise ive been living in a bubble , thinking im no different .when in reality ive let myself go , Overweight , glasses , and hair that needs dyeing . Honestly i felt like hed slapped me in the face , I could cry , I was going great guns , lost weight this week , de cluttering etc , but this has really knocked me for six ,

chanie

Moll Sorry to read about your encounter. Its fine to feel deflated. Use that feeling as an incentive to reach your goals.

seven-day-weekend

(((((Moll)))))

It may have been him, not you. Not everyone is good at remembering people, especially if they see them somewhere they don't expect to see them. I'm not. I always apologise to people if I don't know who they are and tell them it is my shortcomings, not theirs.

If it IS any of the things you mention, it is more than likely the hair that has made the most difference. When I let my hair go grey, it makes me look much older. It is also the one that is most easily remedied. And think about the weight you have recently lost! Don't let this encounter spoil the joy of your achievement.

I hope you feel better soon, hugs xx

greent

Did he see you out of context? - I struggle with people when I see them somewhere different (eg bumping into an old teacher at the garden centre) x

Moll

greent wrote: »

Did he see you out of context? - I struggle with people when I see them somewhere different (eg bumping into an old teacher at the garden centre) x

not really greent , as we just used to meet up randomly before ,

maman

Feel for you moll :grouphug:but I agree with chanie. Turn the horrible experience into a positive, use it as motivation.:)


I remember a situation some years ago when I felt bad, like you do now. It was my birthday and I was feeling low and tired. I had a day off so I went into our local shopping centre to see if some retail therapy would lift me. I did buy some shoes but although I liked them (black patent heels) they didn't lift my mood as I felt invisible and boring and old. I hated that I had to look at the back of the rails for bigger sizes for clothes, that I felt tired (weary/listless tired not sleepy) so didn't walk with any spring in my step and because of this I lacked confidence so didn't feel in control when I spoke to anyone.


However unlike you it took me a few more years before I did anything really constructive about it. I found mse:money: recommended by a friend mainly for the financial advice and mse tips and then the world of the forums. I know there's a lot of dross on here but there are also excellent ideas for projects. Then I found LL and the fabbing thread and I haven't looked back.


Making the best of myself is now a way of life in all its aspects.


You've made a start already. You know that losing weight and sorting out your hair are the next steps. It won't happen overnight but you're on your way. Go girl!!:A

eandjsmum

Hugs Moll use it to your advantage as Chanie says . I quite often bump I to people I have met before and cannot for the life of me remember who the are, had an incident of that 3 weeks ago knew the face not the name and didn't like to ask. Also have met family and not recognized them. Had to go to a family funeral before Christmas so went to get daughter from uni house, rang doorbell and a young girl answered. I asked for my dd. I haven't lived it down since it was my dd.


Today I spoke to my hr people about which gyms i could get corporate membership from. Can use it at leisure centre. So phoned leisure centre manager and put my complaint to her. They have agreed to me paying for the last 4 lessons this term. In future if i cannot make any lesson they will issue a credit note providing i let them know. I can take out a corporate membership which is access all areas for £26 a month and that will get me a third off my swimming lessons so i am going to try it out on Friday. Watch this space. I call that a result.

lessonlearned

Moll wrote: »

i feel so sad an de flated . Im usually very positive , and raring to go , but not today . I met someone who hadnt seen me for about 3 years and when i spoke to him , he looked me straight in the eye, and said "Im just trying to work out who you are ?"............he didnt recognise me !!! 3 years isnt an age ago , i had my glasses on which hes never seen me wear , so i assumed it was that . and laughed it off , This person has known me for MANY years............. and said i think its the hair as well !? I realise ive been living in a bubble , thinking im no different .when in reality ive let myself go , Overweight , glasses , and hair that needs dyeing . Honestly i felt like hed slapped me in the face , I could cry , I was going great guns , lost weight this week , de cluttering etc , but this has really knocked me for six ,

Ah bless you. As SDW said, the issue may lie with him not you. And certainly not a gentlemanly thing to say.....not very diplomatic.

Try not to let this become a setback for too long, try not to dwell too much, rather let it spur you on to greater and better things. Lick your wounds then square those shoulders, lift that chin. Stay focussed and keep your eyes on the prize.

Remember - 1 stone by 27th March. You can do it. Dye your hair if you feel it's aging you. Maybe a different cut or restyle. Hair is one of the easiest things to change,

Do you need some nice new trendy glasses. I got my last lot online from Glasses Direct. The prices are really reasonable.

Had my hair cut today. I have decided to try and grow it a bit. Maybe go for a bob rather than a crop.

My skin is bad, very sore and sensitive. Not just my usual winter sensitivity to wind and central heating. I'm wondering if it's a reaction to the antibiotics. They did knock me for six. MY digestive system is still complaining. Anyway I have ordered some dermologica - expensive but they are my go to when my skin is upset.

Booked cars MOT for next Monday and a massage for Tuesday, My shoulder is playing up again. :rotfl: I'm just a wreck,

humptydumptybits

Great result eandjsmum.


Sorry that upset you Moll. I am terrible at recognising people, last year I volunteered in GSs class all year. In August, yes 5 weeks into summer holidays, I bumped into his teacher out with her children. She was all smiles and chatty and I hadn't got a clue who she was but bumbled through the conversation thinking her children probably knew GS. As I walked home the penny dropped and I felt so annoyed with myself. It might be something like that but if not well you are dealing with things.


It is horrible feeling low, I think I am just coming out of it after feeling so rundown and unwell. I'm trying to focus on the positives. By the summer you will be slim, your hair will be done and maybe new glasses, I love the summer as I get prescription sunglasses and feel less of an old lady who needs glasses. Hope you feel happier soon.

lessonlearned

Well done eandjsmum, great result.

Maman re your comment about "art lovers and self styled connoisseurs of beauty". It made me smile. It also made me think and remember some of my early struggles.

As you know I did an arts degree as a mature student........you should have seen the state of some of the lecturers......:rotfl::rotfl: - seriously some of them looked as if they had been sleeping rough. They thought they were making some kind of political statement, pretending to be working class heroes, siding with the proletariat and all that crap.

Actually it was no more than silly middle class academic posturing of the worst sort. "Oh don't you realise than I am an intellectual therefore my massive brain means I can walk around looking like a tramp. I am far too superior and important to spare a moments thought about how I look. Don't you find me irristible just as I am. I don't need to bother with burgoise conventions such as bathing and wearing clean clothes........I'm God's gift to humanity don't you know."

I felt like saying "Er, No, actually you are conceited, arrogant morons. I AM working class. I AM the real deal......and I bathe, dress well and like to smell good. And.....Unlike you, I don't live in a pig sty". Of course I was far too polite to say anything because my working class parents taught me good manners as well as cleanliness.

And here's where I will probably get absolutely flamed.........:rotfl: but I'm going to say it anway.......two more things that get my goat, as my mum used to say.

Why do people assume that because I like to look good, wear perfume and lippy etc that it automatically makes me a bimbo, an airhead with no feminist credentials, that I don't care about women's rights, equal pay, justice for women etc.

Worse still, because I chose to be a stay at home for a while when the kids were young then why did some people have the right to decide that I was nothing more than a boring little Miss Suzy Homemaker.

Did I leave my brain behind in the delivery room......

In those early years I made a conscious decision to devote my time to my husband and children, making do with the odd "little job" and shelving my career ambitions. My choice of course and I've never regretted it but why did some women look at me with utter contempt and distain because I was "just a wife and mother". It was always women, never men who were so judgemental.

Isn't one of the great tennents of both socialism and feminism one of freedom of choice .......or, in our capitalist money driven society, is it a Henry Ford version of choice. (You can have any colour of car you want, as long as it's black).

So if you are a woman you can exercise your choice as long as you choose to work outside the home and "use your brain". Don't wives and mothers also use their brains too. And why is it the case that you can only be taken seriously if you look like a drab. If you dress up and look good then you have to be a bimbo, right?? Wrong!!!!

In other words, if you don't conform to the New Normal. (Ie working mother) and you dare to be different then you are either lazy or stupid and therefore beyond the pale. You don't fit the current world view so you dont belong ......so much for freedom of choice for women.

It strikes me that both feminism and academic acceptance have become even more restrictive than they were when I was a working class ex council house girl trying to claw her way up the social ladder. The doors are not wide open to all, they are just as closed as they ever were. It's their way, or the highway.

It's ironic that, despite everything, I made my (late) career success in the male world of construction......and not using my looks either. I was well into my late 30s before I got going so not the "dolly bird" I had been in my youth. I couldn't rely on my looks to get me ahead.

The men accepted me and my worth at face value, my brains, my talent, my skills, my work ethic - they were far more accepting of my value and far less judgemental than my so called feminist sisters have ever been.

I'll get off my soap box now.....:rotfl: