Frump to Fab 2019 - Here We Go Again

Moll

MANY THANKS everyone for understanding ............................... well if im truthfull i dont "Feel" any better emotionally , BUT i am plodding on to achieve my goals , and hopefully i can turn my mood around , Me and my Son have changed the garage around so i now have the 2 pieces of equipment i want to use most accessible , The rowing machine , and the stepper , i find the rowing machine very easy to use , as it does the work really , and pulls me back with no effort , but the stepper is another thing , its a killer for me , Ive had my first go this morning , i put a song on my phone ( You tube ) and aimed to row the whole song,,,,,,,ill advance on to 2 songs etc etc . only done the rowing machine so far . but going back in to go on the stepper , wish me luck lol , As for the hair ,,,,,,,,, my daughter is a hairdresser , but she has a new baby so its when she can do it ..obviously it saves me a fortune if she can do it , ,,,,,,,,but after the knock back i had , i want to get my hair sorted as soon as possible. Im out for a meal tomorrow with a bunch of friends i meet with once a month , Normally i wouldnt bother , now im wondering ,,do they think im looking rough .........its made me paranoid . My DD says she can do my hair tomorrow night , so do i wait and save a lot of money , or go to the hairdresers today before the meal . Assuming they could get me in . Anyway onwards and upwards, Although im not feeling so chirpy , im still going full steam to achieve my goals , Watching what i eat , upping the exersize , I need to do a bit of de cluttering too , Thanks again everyone , Your words really helped

lucywillow

And here's where I will probably get absolutely flamed.........:rotfl: but I'm going to say it anway.......two more things that get my goat, as my mum used to say.

Why do people assume that because I like to look good, wear perfume and lippy etc that it automatically makes me a bimbo, an airhead with no feminist credentials, that I don't care about women's rights, equal pay, justice for women etc.

Worse still, because I chose to be a stay at home for a while when the kids were young then why did some people have the right to decide that I was nothing more than a boring little Miss Suzy Homemaker.

Did I leave my brain behind in the delivery room......

In those early years I made a conscious decision to devote my time to my husband and children, making do with the odd "little job" and shelving my career ambitions. My choice of course and I've never regretted it but why did some women look at me with utter contempt and distain because I was "just a wife and mother". It was always women, never men who were so judgemental.

Isn't one of the great tennents of both socialism and feminism one of freedom of choice .......or, in our capitalist money driven society, is it a Henry Ford version of choice. (You can have any colour of car you want, as long as it's black).

So if you are a woman you can exercise your choice as long as you choose to work outside the home and "use your brain". Don't wives and mothers also use their brains too. And why is it the case that you can only be taken seriously if you look like a drab. If you dress up and look good then you have to be a bimbo, right?? Wrong!!!!

In other words, if you don't conform to the New Normal. (Ie working mother) and you dare to be different then you are either lazy or stupid and therefore beyond the pale. You don't fit the current world view so you dont belong ......so much for freedom of choice for women.

It strikes me that both feminism and academic acceptance have become even more restrictive than they were when I was a working class ex council house girl trying to claw her way up the social ladder. The doors are not wide open to all, they are just as closed as they ever were. It's their way, or the highway.

It's ironic that, despite everything, I made my (late) career success in the male world of construction......and not using my looks either. I was well into my late 30s before I got going so not the "dolly bird" I had been in my youth. I couldn't rely on my looks to get me ahead.

The men accepted me and my worth at face value, my brains, my talent, my skills, my work ethic - they were far more accepting of my value and far less judgemental than my so called feminist sisters have ever been.

I'll get off my soap box now.....:rotfl:[/QUOTE]

Well said LL, couldn't agree more! I havent posted in a while but you've literally had me cheering in front of laptop this morning.
After working for more than 25 years in the Criminal Justice system starting out as a teenager doing postal duties to a senior position with huge responsibilities I chose to resign a few years ago when my job was relocated to a part of central London that would have made a huge impact on my family life. Whilst this has meant I have to live much more frugally it has brought personal richness to myself and my family. I am able to take the pressure of my husband by dealing with a lot of the things associated with running a home & family and have time with my daughter to be there for her whenever she needs help, guidance or just to offload some teenage angst!;).I have also been able to devote time to my passion for DIY.
However some, not all women ( and I'm afraid to say that it has been exclusively women) now talk to me like I'm a downtrodden 1940's housewife who is subservient to her husband in some way. My DH would firmly state this is not the case!!:rotfl:
Surely the whole point of feminism is that we can be whoever, whatever we want to be and can change this several times throughout our lives to adapt to our circumstances.

Off my soapbox now Have a lovely day ladies, keep up the fabbing & keep warm it's gonna get chilly over the next few days.

lessonlearned

Lucy.....I didn't mention this yesterday but as you worked in the criminal justice system you might find it interesting.

My youngest son has dislexia and dispraxia. To cut a long story short when he was about 14 I became concerned that he was becoming very unhappy and it was causing him to be disruptive and his school work was suffering. And although this sounds outrageously snobby I was a bit anxious about the company he was keeping. I had visions of him getting into trouble.

At this point my husband was working away from home a lot (he was self employed) and I was essentially a single mum from Monday to Friday. My job was great, very lucrative as well as being enjoyable but it was also very stressful and I often brought work home in the evenings. I also had to work weekends and every bank holiday.

I just woke up one day and thought "what the hell are you doing. Your family never see you, your poor husband is away all week and you deprive him of your company at weekends, your kids are like strangers and you are probably working yourself into an early grave".

I took my husband on one side and said I think I need to give up work for a while and stay home and play house, I'm worried about the effect that my absence is having on the kids......especially J.

He grinned and said "thank God for that, I wondered how much longer you were going to keep running around like a headless chicken, trying to be all things to all people".

I stopped work and like you I finally had time to do all the things that I had put on the back burner, decorating, furniture restoration, did my beauty therapy course, etc. I took over the admin of my husband's business freeing his time, I took over the accounts and saved him a small fortune in tax.....:rotfl: but the greatest boon was being around for my sons. They loved it. The change in my youngest was astonishing, he dropped the bad crowd, his school work improved, his confidence grew and he just blossomed.

Yes we had less money but we were so much happier as a family and as a couple. (Even our sex lives benefitted:rotfl::rotfl:). My husband was delighted!!!

lessonlearned

Moll......if it's grey hair peeping through......have you tried those "hair mascara" type products as a quick fix till your daughter can do your hair.

They disguise grey regrowth between colour treatments. I've never used them but I have friends who swear by them.

frugal_lass

Oh this is just wonderful and inspiring! It’s so key to remember what is really important.

Moll

lessonlearned wrote: »

Moll......if it's grey hair peeping through......have you tried those "hair mascara" type products as a quick fix till your daughter can do your hair.

They disguise grey regrowth between colour treatments. I've never used them but I have friends who swear by them.

No not tried them , but decided im going to wait for my DD to do it , its only one extra day , and ill wear my hair up for the meal,Ill look sophisticated x

maman

So pleased you got compliments frugal lass. You must have looked stunning for your friend to take the trouble to text. What a nice thing to do.:)


Do you buy the sprays online or are there High Street stockists?

Moll wrote: »

Anyway onwards and upwards, Although im not feeling so chirpy , im still going full steam to achieve my goals , Watching what i eat , upping the exersize , I need to do a bit of de cluttering too

Well done you! :T You've certainly sparked lots of conversation on the thread. Little does he know that old gentleman has had a massive effect on us all!:D


Just to pick up a little on the discussion: one of the reasons I always want to use my brain as part of fabbing is just because I don't want my making the best of myself to be just skin deep. We've probably all met or seen beautiful women, either in RL or in the media, that look amazing until they open their mouths!:eek: That can be because of the sloppy or coarse way that they speak or just the way their ignorance spills out or both. I'm not saying that every conversation you have has to be highly intellectual (I could bore for England on my views on M&S:D) but there has to be some depth to a person, some evidence of thinking for me to identify with them and that applies to both men and women.


On the SAHM question, I respect anyone's right to choose but it's not for me. My mother was of a previous generation and she gave up work when she had me at 24 and never did a day's paid work outside the home after that. She spent her time homemaking and volunteering. Things were very different for my generation. Although it's not perfect still, broadly speaking girls and boys have had the same opportunities in education since WW2 and it never occurred to me not to make my way in the world alongside my male friends.


It's damp and dull here today. Off to football tonight (guess who we're playing LL? ) so it's a case of dressing for the elements. I'll probably wear my Puffa parka with dark jeans as the big hood will help to protect my hair. I'll do my make up too as that makes me feel better.


I've made an appointment for later in the month to have my hair trimmed and highlighted. That'll give me 10 days or so to get used to it before we go away. I'm considering whether to have a podiatry appointment or a pedicure as well. I'll probably go for the pedicure at the same time as my manicure for my holiday then I can have matching polish. My feet are in pretty good condition now so I can mix and match.

lessonlearned

I take it DC are playing away then...:rotfl: enjoy. My son just goes to the home matches now of course since he's a new dad. He has a season ticket for his sins....:rotfl:

Well for saying I wasn't going to do any decluttering today, with a bit of judicious weeding and some Kondo folding I have managed to rehome all the stuff that was in the chest of drawers. I can now discard that. Wahoo. It will make a big difference to my bedroom.

Well it's about time to break my fast. I've managed a full 16 hours and by the time I eat it will give me my window until 9.30 So plenty of time for a drink after the cinema.....we are going to see Collette.

Maman, it should be interesting because, following on from what you were saying about women who are beautiful but "empty", I actually find Keira Knightly rather vapid (unless of she could just be shy but she doesn't do well in interviews or talk shows). It will be interesting to see her in a more "meaty" role. She is stunningly beautiful and I thought she did rather well in the "Duchess". It was a substantial role for her and she did do it justice. Maybe she just lacks confidence....a surprising number of actors do, and perhaps she will find her voice as she gets older.

Speaking of voices Maman....along with posture, one of my bugbears is slovenly speech. Accents are fine but sometimes you do have to modify them.....if they are impenetrable and no one understands you then you cannot communicate effectively.

Yesterday I passed a bunch girls - 6th formers - from my boys old school. A very good school with a great reputation. The girls looked great in the fine old scruffy St Trinians tradition, but my stars, when they opened their mouths....... They were "effin and jeffin" like troopers. Not an attractive proposition.

I know it's terribly old fashioned of me but as I passed them my dear old aunty S's words were ringing in my ears........(imagine Maggie Smiths stentorian tones). She used to say "well my dear, if you wish to be treated like a lady and a person of stature then you have to behave like one". Bless her, I still miss her and often think of her. Her advice was always spot on.

Anyway to breakfast/brunch. Eggs and healthy stuff. :rotfl:

seven-day-weekend

silvasava wrote: »

I was a SAHM until the breakdown of my marriage - and being working class I did just that - went back to work! We can't seem to win either way with some people. I just know that I have brought up two honest decent men with strong work ethics and a good moral compass. Job done! (but it still doesnt stop me worrying about 'my boys' )
LL - I too was a 'mature' student - my mum said to me 'what do you want to do that for at your age?' I was only in my early 40's!!

I too was a SAHM for five years, then did my defree -as a mature student, I was 37 when I finished it - then got a job as a lollipop lady because it suited our family. (I told them at my interview that I needed a degree in Geography to find my way across the road ). I didn't go back to work full time until he was 15. Then I worked in Town Planning, where I had the same degree as my boss

I agree that 'women's lib' was supposed to be about choice and that we shouldn't criticise another's choice to do things differently.

seven-day-weekend

savingfortomorrow wrote: »

Moll I have a facial recognition issue and I sometimes struggle to place people. I can recognize voices, often out of context but I have learned some coping strategies. Years ago if i had to return change or a meal to a person i would note what they were wearing. I have often gone into a back away from a customer for two seconds and not recognized who i was talking too, especially if they are of the same age, similar hair and gender. I reconize people by shape, stature and very individual features I regularly get names muddled and know some people my whole life and will muddle up two brothers. Giving descriptions are a nightmare as total blank. Imagine trying to explain that to the police looking for someone, can describe shoes but zilch, nada blank; an empty circle where a face is.

I have learned to be highly diplomatic as it is my fault and my issue. People don’t understand and get offended as I need to meet someone many times before i recognize them. I have learned to have a conversation without having a clue who i am speaking too until i place them. I have always had this issue and have learned to adapt. Moll the man might have had developed this issue recently possibly stroke or something. Let not his issue impact upon your self worth or all the work you have done. I would be devastated to think that that my lack of recognizing people really hurt them.

Wearing more formal clothes daily with a coordinating scarf. Wearing the make up and looking my best.

lessons- I think the issue with academics and the scruff clothes is a bit true. It could be because they feel they have to fit a role, donning a costume of tweed and scruffy stuff.
People are narrow minded and slot others, (and themselves often) into narrow little boxes. People are multifaceted and have broad interests, we can adore make up but be more than that. anyone who judges someone on appearance alone is a massive fool.

You could be describing me.

The main reason I gave up volunteering at the CAP Job Club where I was a job coach, and which I loved, was that we got a whole new team of coaches and a whole new lot of participants all at the same time, and I didn't know who was who from one week to the next. It was stressful and embarrassing. It was made worse by the fact that some coaches and some participants didn't come every week,and one week they would turn up and I didn't have a clue who they were, even halfway through the course. I felt I had to go, after having done it for three years. I would love to do something like it again and have thought of asking at CAB, where most clients are one-offs and I wouldn't be expected to recognise them.