Frump to Fab 2019 - Here We Go Again

maman

lessonlearned wrote: »

Wish me luck.........;)

Of course. Keep us posted.;)


I've been doing some very minimal gardening. Our garden is a mess, like a big jungle. We've been putting off dealing with it for what seems like an age as we have plans for removing our big conservatory and replacing it with a permanent extension. Who knows when and if that'll ever happen but that doesn't stop me wanting somewhere nice to sit. We have a large paved area/patio which is manageable for me. So I'm planning on getting that and the pots weed free. Many of the pots have perennials (like hostas) in them. I started on Friday, setting myself a target of sorting at least one pot a day. I'm doing well so far.;)


Also, I'm ashamed at how long it's taking me to read my current library book. I've just renewed it and this week I've managed to read some almost every day. I've decided that other than the odd little gem, I don't like many of the main characters but I'm determined to finish it.:)


I might pop out later as I have some shopping to do and could get some weedkiller for between the paving slabs but it's not that urgent. Other than that it's just a healthy meal on the cards.:)

lessonlearned

Good plan with the garden, Maman, little and often and you'll get there.

My builder came round this morning so whilst he was here I got him to dig 4 holes so I could plant some shrubs. I am happy gardening but digging is beyond me.

He couldn't finish the job he came to do.....the kitchen floor ......because it's a bit more complicated than it first appeared.....of course - these things always are. :rotfl: he will have to come back again with additional materials.

But the good news is I got him to check a couple of issues that the surveyor had flagged up and, as I suspected, (and hoped) they are nothing. It was just the surveyor being over cautious and covering his back - scared of being sued........isn't what their insurance is for......just in case they overlook something.

I must admit this kind of thing makes me really cross because time and time again I have seen sales collapse because of surveyors over egging the pudding and nervous buyers turning tail and running for the hills. And of course the lenders don't help because they insist on retentions........and it just becomes too difficult for novice buyers.

Prior to buying I got estimates for the work that the surveyor said needed doing........we were looking at a minimum of £4K. Fair enough I was prepared for that, but before instructing the "specialists" (joke......con artists more like) to go ahead I decided to double check.

I decided to bide my time and see what, if anything, happened over the winter. I have now had two builders check it out, both personal friends who will give it to me straight and there's nothing needed .......just goes to show what a racket it all is. All that was required was heat and ventilation which I duly supplied.

Rant over. :rotfl:

Off out this afternoon. I shall be wined and dined so I have saved up my points. I'm covered.

sugarbaby125

Hello Ladies,

When I was in Euston train station waiting for my train to Birmingham on the 18th April, I saw the actress Nicola Stephenson and she looked so scruffy that it was a wonder I even recognised her. When she saw me notice her she ducked her head.

She was wearing jeans, trainers a t-shirt and a cardigan. No make up and her hair was a right mess. Little wonder she did not want to be recognised. Considering I am 10 years older than her, she certainly did not look a decade younger than me.

I tend to notice actors and actresses when they are dressed casually in public spaces, but they are usually pleased to be recognised even when they are obviously hoping for privacy. I do not intrude, I just acknowledge that I know who they are with a smile.

When I am tempted to not make an effort, I will remember just how horrified Nicola Stephenson looked that I had recognised her. She really looked a right frump and she certainly had not done herself any favours :eek:

Wednesday2000

sugarbaby125 wrote: »

Hello Ladies,
When I was in Euston train station waiting for my train to Birmingham on the 18th April, I saw the actress Nicola Stephenson and she looked so scruffy that it was a wonder I even recognised her. When she saw me notice her she ducked her head.
She was wearing jeans, trainers a t-shirt and a cardigan. No make up and her hair was a right mess. Little wonder she did not want to be recognised. Considering I am 10 years younger than her, she certainly did not look a decade younger than me.
I tend to notice actors and actresses when they are dressed casually in public spaces, but they are usually pleased to be recognised even when they are obviously hoping for privacy. I do not intrude, I just acknowledge that I know who they are with a smile.
When I am tempted to not make an effort, I will remember just how horrified Nicola Stephenson looked that I had recognised her. She really looked a right frump and she certainly had not done herself any favours :eek:

Yikes, I bet she had wished she has worn her sunglasses!:eek::D

I used to have to go to Euston station when I was at uni and I used to see a few celebs there too.

I remember Honor Blackman (Bond Girl) was in front of me in the queue for train tickets. She is very petite and glam.:A

chanie

Wednesday2000 wrote: »

Yikes, I bet she had wished she has worn her sunglasses!:eek::D

I used to have to go to Euston station when I was at uni and I used to see a few celebs there too.

I remember Honor Blackman (Bond Girl) was in front of me in the queue for train tickets. She is very petite and glam.:A

It must be hard being a celeb, as people expect you to look glam all the time. No ‘one mile wear for them, as Maman referenced. I recently saw Davina McColl and whilst she look fab for her age, she looked disappointingly normal.

Lessons I agree with what you are saying about surveyors. Their reports aren’t written in a helpful way. Me and OH nearly bought a house once with flowery language in the survey. When I called the Surveyor, he said in his 30 years of doing the job, the house had the worst extension he had ever seen. I just don’t understand why he just didn’t say that in the report!

Wednesday2000

chanie wrote: »

It must be hard being a celeb, as people expect you to look glam all the time.

Oh, exactly.

I wear my sunglasses all the time, even in the winter. Nobody notices me at all.:D

sugarbaby125

Hello Ladies,

I do not think of 'jobbing' actresses and actors as celebrities. I have a very keen eye for faces and I am always spotting actresses and actors around London and a few of them have been very scruffy and/or unkempt. I simply expect them to be groomed in the same way that I or any of my family and friends would be when they are going about their lives in public spaces.

I do not expect them to look glamorous, but I certainly do not expect any of them to make so little effort that they look unkempt, scruffy or frumpy.

If Nicola Stephenson had combed or brushed her hair, had worn jeans that were not shapeless and was not wearing an old washed out t-shirt with a equally washed out and shapeless cardigan with old trainers, then I would not have been appalled at her unkempt appearance.

When I worked in Clapham Junction some years ago I used to run into Lesley Joseph on the buses, the nearby shops or the street. Eventually I got the courage to ask Lesley for her autograph and she was delighted. I still have it. Lesley was always well groomed every time I saw her even though at the time she was out of work and was no longer on our television screens or invited onto talk shows as a guest until she finally had her role of Dorien reprised in the new series of Birds of a Feather. Once Lesley was once again a jobbing actress I never ran into her in Clapjham Junction again.

Jenny Agutter had a long hiatus in her acting career until she got the role of Sister Julienne in Call the Midwife. She lived in Camberwell and shopped in Morrisons in Camberwell and as I also shopped in that particular Morrisons every week I ran into Jenny Agutter all the time. In the end I became so used to seeing her, that I would call her Jenny as if we were firm friends and she did not object to me being so over familiar with her. :rotfl: Jenny Agutter was always well groomed every time I saw her.

Jenny Eclair lives in Forest Hill and we have crossed paths in Camberwell a few times and she was dressed in her usual eclectic mix of colouful clothing that she is known for, but I love her zany style and fashion sense as it reflects her personality.

I have personally met many actresses, actors, comedians and authors in person at various times and occasions throughout my life and I have been thrilled. :j:D I respect their talents, skills and experience, but I am not interested in whether or not they are considered by others to be a celebrity.

lessonlearned

Interesting chats about famous people and their off duty dress.

I guess it's just down to how they view clothes and their overall appearance. Some people who live in the public eye see good grooming and dressing well even when off duty as part of the job whilst others take the view that it's their free time so they will dress as they please.

At least they have some level of personal freedom these days. In the old "star system" .....ie the studio system in Hollywood and the Rank Organisation here in the UK it was written into their contracts that they had to observe certain rules and standards even in their own personal time. They even had to adhere to strict weight restrictions.

My sister used to work in a photography studio near to Teddington Film Studios and she has lots of interesting tales to tell about both the appearance and the behaviour of some of the biggest names in the business but as she had to sign non disclosure agreements my lips are sealed. .

I think a persons off duty attire is very often a direct opposite from their daily workwear.......it's almost as if there is a real phsychological need to draw a dividing line between their two personas......

I have noticed that most people who need to be very smartly dressed for work like to relax by dressing down in their moments of leisure, whilst most people who have to wear a uniform or who get dirty for a living go the opposite way and love to get dolled up. I guess it's part if their personal expression.

My late husband and my sons are both very good examples of how this dichotomy seems to work.

My DH and my DS1 need/needed to wear office wear and look the business, especially my husband. Smart business dress was the order of the day and he had a wardrobe full of well cut expensive suits, silk ties and good shirts. It was just part of the job.

He was self employed and worked at the highest level of IT. He sold his services to some of the most demanding and prestigious blue chip companies. If he wanted their business then he had to fit in and look the part, at least till he got his foot in the door when his brains and ability wowed them over.

The other thing he used to say was that even if someone was supersmart (and he was, we are talking intellectual powerhouse, his friends and colleagues would affectionately call him "Einstein") he did say that somehow a good suit opened doors and paying clients actually listen more and heed people who are "suited and booted" rather than in jeans and a tee shirt. He also used to say that the more he charged them for his expertise the better they listened to his advice and the more respect was given. Lol

My eldest son doesn't usually have to wear suits every day but he still has to adhere to certain standards.

Both he and my husband rebelled/rebel at weekends, especially my husband who liked to not shave.....quite a problem for me because he had a very rigorous beard growth and I have a very sensitive skin so I used to draw the line by Sunday saying "no shave, no kisses". :rotfl:

Given the chance I think both my husband and my eldest son would run around like tramps in their off duty moments if My DIL and myself had let them. :rotfl: looking at them you would never guess that they were both serious, well paid professionals, well respected in their chosen fields and at the top of their game.

I know Maman likes to wear her football teams colours. My husband used to have a collection of football shirts. He used to insist on wearing one when he travelled on airplanes. I used to cringe but he said football was a universal language and that wearing a football shirt was a a perfect conversational opener. Who was I to argue........he often took several on holiday and would give them away to local kids.

My other son gets dirty for a living and like most people I know who get their hands dirty every day the first thing he does is shower and change. He wears a uniform for work. Off duty He is a very natty dresser, he dresses like he is auditioning for James Bond:rotfl:... even on his days off when he's not doing anything much he still likes to make an effort. He is actually one of the few men of my acquaintance who really knows how to do "smart casual" properly. He could easily grace the cover of GQ magazine. .

I think people like Jenny Agutter, are a bit like Joan Collins and Helen Mirren in that they are perhaps more "old school" and see grooming and dressing well even on their days off as part of the job. Or maybe it's just part of who they are.

In my professional life I always used my appearance to help me. I just regarded it as part of my career strategy. It got me interviews, it got me jobs, and I do believe it helped me get promotions. The world of work is competitive and I think "looking the part" is essential if you want or need an edge. That old adage of dressing fir the job you aspire to.

When I began my journey from frump to fab, whilst I was always clean and did bathe and wash my hair, I have to confess I did look rather neglected and unkempt at times. Part of it was that I was just too busy and focussed on caring for my husband but I think part of it was a reflection of my general despair and misery. I was just so demoralised and desperately unhappy and my appearance was a reflection of how I was feeling.

Whilst I was powerless to change my overall situation, and, that indeed, it would only get worse, I did eventually come to realise that neglecting my own personal needs, including my appearance, wasnt going to solve anything.

The day I finally woke up and took a good long hard look in the mirror I was frankly appalled at the vision I was confronted with. I reasoned that if I looked better I might start to feel a bit better.

I still think that self care, grooming, dressing as nicely as we can given any budgetary or physical/weight issues, and just generally having pride in how we present ourselves not only can make a huge difference in how the world sees us and interacts with us but also how we feel about ourselves.

I know some people might regard "fabbing" as somehow being shallow or vain but I have come to realise that how we show up can make a huge impact on our lives. The repercussions go much further than I could have ever have imagined. There's a definite ripple effect which spreads out into all corners of our lives.

And it's all to the good........it affects not just our own personal well being, but also in how people respond to us.

Whether we like it or not we are a "lookist society". We may not like it but, at least initially, we ARE judged on our appearance. I think it often pays to remember that we only get a few seconds to "sell" ourselves and that first impressions really do count.

Everyone who meets us judges us on that first impression and it is that initial judgement that will always remain uppermost in their minds, even when they get to know the real person underneath they will still always recall their first initial reaction to us.

As the old saying goes "you only get one chance to make a good first impression".

humptydumptybits

We don't know what is going on in people's lives. I can think of two occasions when I would hate to see myself.


One was a weekend away in London, I would have looked smart at the start of the weekend. Going home I was a mess, hair not done, no make up, blotchy face, clothes picked up at random. I had started to miscarry my early pregnancy and had no head space for what I looked like.


The other time was when my DD was ill, my husband was disabled and I was travelling a 400 round trip every few days to see my dying mother. The day she died I sat at the hospital for a while and then set off home. I had to stop at the services as I hadn't eaten, not good for me, and I probably looked awful and then someone tried to push in front of me in the queue. Well he regretted that as a screaming crying me told him in no uncertain terms what I thought of him. I squirm as I think of it.


If I see someone looking a mess or behaving a little irrationally I try not to judge and hope no one judged me.

silvasava

Totally agree LL - I used to work in an environment where the devil was in the detail & prospective employees would let themselves down by not being at the very least neat and tidy. The thought being if you couldn't be bothered with your own details why would you bother with someone else's. As you say - first impressions count in many walks of life.