I am so hurt and confused

katiekittykat

Pollycat wrote: »

Certainly is.


My OH went out and came back with a poodle perm - think Kevin Keegan. :rotfl:


And started an affair with a girl almost half his age. :eek:

I wish someone would just give him a shake and ask him what the hell is he playing at tbh

The perm sounds too funny sorry xxx

katiekittykat

Also he has arranged to go Go Karting with my cousins OH for his birthday (was booked before the split) and he is still going - why would he bother?

74jax

I think he's just moved on, it's harder as there isn't a REASON why that you can accept (ie cheated etc), the reason is he just wants to not be with you in a relationship.
I don't think it's a case of you're to good for him, I'm sure you are lovely and he is a 'nice' person too, just you aren't compatible. People can split up and still be 'nice' people. Just because he doesn't want to be with you, doesn't make him a nasty person.
Its as though you have out-grown each other, he perhaps doesn't actually have a reason he can pin-point, just it doesn't feel right. Sh!tty I know, but he want's something you can't offer but doesn't yet know what that is.
I would definitely give him his stuff back, cancel access to anything and start making the distance, as from how he's sounding (happy to just plod on and not actually accept anything), he'll be happy to keep you dangling 'just in case'.
Now there's nothing wrong with that, if YOU are happy with that, waiting to see what happens. But I'd start to move on, yes you have common friends etc, but don't 'fish' for info, ask questions etc. Start moving on.
He may think he wants to get back together, he might not. you can't predict that, but you can decided what you want.
I think give it 6 months and you might look back and think he was right, you both weren't 'right', but right now it's all too raw.

katiekittykat

74jax wrote: »

I think he's just moved on, it's harder as there isn't a REASON why that you can accept (ie cheated etc), the reason is he just wants to not be with you in a relationship.
I don't think it's a case of you're to good for him, I'm sure you are lovely and he is a 'nice' person too, just you aren't compatible. People can split up and still be 'nice' people. Just because he doesn't want to be with you, doesn't make him a nasty person.
Its as though you have out-grown each other, he perhaps doesn't actually have a reason he can pin-point, just it doesn't feel right. Sh!tty I know, but he want's something you can't offer but doesn't yet know what that is.
I would definitely give him his stuff back, cancel access to anything and start making the distance, as from how he's sounding (happy to just plod on and not actually accept anything), he'll be happy to keep you dangling 'just in case'.
Now there's nothing wrong with that, if YOU are happy with that, waiting to see what happens. But I'd start to move on, yes you have common friends etc, but don't 'fish' for info, ask questions etc. Start moving on.
He may think he wants to get back together, he might not. you can't predict that, but you can decided what you want.
I think give it 6 months and you might look back and think he was right, you both weren't 'right', but right now it's all too raw.

Thanks for your thoughts xxx

katiekittykat

Sunny_Intervals wrote: »

The whole "I'm totally in love with you, but you're not happy" thing is a pretty standard bit of blame-shifting. He's not happy (for whatever reason), but he's effectively passing the blame for the break-up onto you.

The refusal to tell people he's broke up with you may also be in the same vein. He's doesn't want to tell people he broke up with you because people will ask him questions and then he's the "bad guy". Far better to let you tell people because then you're stuck with the "but why?" interrogation...

Definitely cut off his access to your Netflix, etc. He's not being fair to you, so he doesn't get to leech off your subscriptions while you're sitting there hurt.

Yeah I agree

He said - i feel we both disconnected and not as happy as we used to be.

But he couldn't actually tell me why, or even try to fix it

supermezzo

Honest opinion - I think spending time with single friend has perhaps highlighted that he's not able to go out on the pull, etc
That maybe there was someone he was interested in and wanted to 'test the waters' with them, hence the break, and that its worked out and so he now needs a way out of his relationship with you.
And that he's too much of a coward/trying not to hurt you by not telling you the truth.

Move one, quietly, and treat yourself better than he has.

AstroTurtle

katiekittykat wrote: »

I am trying, just finding it all hard to process tbh.

If the process was easy for you then you shouldn't be together

Take relief in knowing your feelings are normal, It happens to thousands everyday and you may never get answers to the questions you have.

But as time passes you will care about those answers less and less until you reach a point where it's so insignificant to your current life (In the future)


Also side note, There is a lot of people giving you what "IT COULD REALLY BE BECAUSE OF ….."

Unfortunately it might be as simple as he's saying and no other motives people can grow distant and it may just be he's not ready for a relationship or doesn't want one, that doesn't mean he has to have someone else or want someone else so don't get bogged down in tales.

moneyistooshorttomention

katiekittykat wrote: »

Thank you so much for this, a really good idea.

It has been just under two weeks at the mo (2 weeks on sat)

Do I tell him I am giving key back, stopping Netflix etc or just do it?

Do it first - and then tell him you've done it.

That way he gets the message "I'm not leaving myself open to persuasion". Thus - "If you do change your mind - then you better really prove you mean it".

If he doesn't turn up pdq on your doorstep after that with a proposal (and no I do not mean living together:cool:) and a ring (or telling you he's going to pick you up for coffee mid-morning one day right by a good jeweller to pick your own) = forget him.

But DO NOT even in your own mind give him more than a couple of weeks or so after you've told him and DO NOT give any inkling he might win you back if he wanted it. If he really wants you he will be back pdq and he'll have to put some effort into getting you back.

If he doesnt really want you - then blow him, ie "plenty more fish in the sea".

HampshireH

I too would change your password but I'm not sure I would tell him. I think i would let him work it out for himself.

moneyistooshorttomention

HampshireH wrote: »

I too would change your password but I'm not sure I would tell him. I think i would let him work it out for himself.

That would only prolong things and leave him feeling a bit uncertain as to where he stood as well possibly.

Hence - tell him and "get that over and done with" - no messing.