I am so hurt and confused

SandraX

Dear Kate

My final few words here for today/tonight.

Do you have a mum/dad/siblings around as blood is thicker than water and they won't blabber.

Face to face chat is best next bet is WhatsApp type - yes mum/dad/sibs will worry but you will be able to comfort each other.

ATB xx

katiekittykat

SandraX wrote: »

Dear Kate

My final few words here for today/tonight.

Do you have a mum/dad/siblings around as blood is thicker than water and they won't blabber.

Face to face chat is best next bet is WhatsApp type - yes mum/dad/sibs will worry but you will be able to comfort each other.

ATB xx

I do yeah but feel bad and like i am boring people xx

Red-Squirrel_2

SandraX wrote: »

Your choice but IMO you should tell him, you either come back within 24 hours and tell me why you flounced and if I accept you can stay or we are finished.

He's already decided its finished, this would just be humiliating for the OP.

Red-Squirrel_2

katiekittykat wrote: »

You're right, it is still raw and tbh it is all I can think about beating myself up as to what i did wrong

You didn't do anything wrong, it just wasn't meant to be. Sometimes relationships just come to an end and there isn't a big dramatic conflict or a betrayal, just one person slowly realises it isn't right.


Its really hard, and of course you will question and go through a period of grief, but it wasn't your fault and you need to make sure you are being kind to yourself!

determined_new_ms

I had a boyfriend suddenly end our relationship and it was devastating. I was totally confused and spent a lot of time ruminating on it trying to *work it out*

The reality is though, a lot of people do grow apart. Keeping a relationship going takes two people who constantly want to work through the dull times and keep connecting. It's the ones who stop doing that that grow apart.

For whatever reason he has decided to move on, maybe the friend in the mix with of distance growing between you. Sometimes people realise the other person isn't what they want for their life for the rest of their lives and want to throw their hands back in and it's not that the other person "has done anything wrong"

In the end I had to accept I was never going to fully understand why he no longer wanted to be with me. It sucked, I was terribly hurt and the rejection was hard to take. When I met my other half a few years later I could see the first boyfriend was right, we weren't right for one another.

Take time to take care of yourself and start rebuilding when you're ready

katiekittykat

determined_new_ms wrote: »

I had a boyfriend suddenly end our relationship and it was devastating. I was totally confused and spent a lot of time ruminating on it trying to *work it out*

The reality is though, a lot of people do grow apart. Keeping a relationship going takes two people who constantly want to work through the dull times and keep connecting. It's the ones who stop doing that that grow apart.

For whatever reason he has decided to move on, maybe the friend in the mix with of distance growing between you. Sometimes people realise the other person isn't what they want for their life for the rest of their lives and want to throw their hands back in and it's not that the other person "has done anything wrong"

In the end I had to accept I was never going to fully understand why he no longer wanted to be with me. It sucked, I was terribly hurt and the rejection was hard to take. When I met my other half a few years later I could see the first boyfriend was right, we weren't right for one another.

Take time to take care of yourself and start rebuilding when you're ready

Yeah true just came from nowhere i didn't feel we were distant but i guess he did

Thank you for your kind words xx

duchy

It's a lot of nonsense that there is always someone else ....depressing as it may be , many people don't define their lives by having a partner and just want to be able to be their own person rather than one half of a couple. He may have realized he wasn't ready to settle down ......as you say you are his first committed relationship. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong, you might even be the right girl but the wrong time.

The reasons aren't what matters , it is what it is. Call up your friends you've neglected for him , keep busy and if you feel yourself thinking about him.....push it away, do something, but make a conscious decision not to dwell.
Don't make excuses to get in touch. You can drop the key through his letterbox when you know he won't be there or better yet give it to one of your mutual friends like your cousin. As for the Netflix sub , no need to tell him, he'll soon work it out !

If he can't see what he's missing out on, that's his problem and only yours if you allow it to be. You deserve a more respectful parting but the way he has acted shows little respect for you. You know you deserve better than this less than honest and cowardly man.

It sucks but you will get over him, and far quicker than you currently believe .Before long you won't feel devastated but annoyed with the way he behaved !

moneyistooshorttomention

svain wrote: »

As it is completely out of the blue, she is allowed to be confused about this. She is entitled to take a little time to process and try and figure out what went wrong. I dont see any harm in that and may help with closure.

I can understand her being confused in the circumstances.

I think many of us have gone through a period of feeling confused about exactly what happened and why shortly after a relationship has finished.

In my experience - the confusion clears over time afterwards and it becomes clear what was going on. It may take a while sometimes - but meanwhile one goes on with "living one's life"/maybe having other relationships and, at some point, it dawns as to what was going on and you think "Ah - now I see what that was all about....".

katiekittykat

duchy wrote: »

It's a lot of nonsense that there is always someone else ....depressing as it may be , many people don't define their lives by having a partner and just want to be able to be their own person rather than one half of a couple. He may have realized he wasn't ready to settle down ......as you say you are his first committed relationship. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong, you might even be the right girl but the wrong time.

The reasons aren't what matters , it is what it is. Call up your friends you've neglected for him , keep busy and if you feel yourself thinking about him.....push it away, do something, but make a conscious decision not to dwell.
Don't make excuses to get in touch. You can drop the key through his letterbox when you know he won't be there or better yet give it to one of your mutual friends like your cousin. As for the Netflix sub , no need to tell him, he'll soon work it out !

If he can't see what he's missing out on, that's his problem and only yours if you allow it to be. You deserve a more respectful parting but the way he has acted shows little respect for you. You know you deserve better than this less than honest and cowardly man.

It sucks but you will get over him, and far quicker than you currently believe .Before long you won't feel devastated but annoyed with the way he behaved !

You are right I know you are right.

I know I have to let him go, like you say if he can't see what he had and is missing out on then I deserve better than that

duchy

katiekittykat wrote: »

You are right I know you are right.

I know I have to let him go, like you say if he can't see what he had and is missing out on then I deserve better than that

Of course you do !
The other thing is that if you do try and get in touch (even on the key pretext) you may get very upset in front of him......and later wish you'd kept your dignity and kept away so matter how tempting.....don't do it !

There are princes out there as well as frogs but it is horrible when you discover your prince was just a frog in prince clothing ! (its a great visual to think of him as a frog when those feelings get overwhelming though ......I mean you can't cry over a frog- right ? )