Are we wrong to do this?

MortgageMamma

Hi All,

Me and my partner have a bit of a dilemma.

Our 17 year old is at college. She wants cash for Christmas to buy a Nintendo switch (£300). We normally spend £150 per child as we have 4 of them and a big family. She has a part time job at McDonalds so wants to pay the balance from earnings and Christmas money from Grandparents.

We feel quite hesitant about handing her the cash for a console as she desperately needs a new laptop. We cannot afford to pay for a new laptop/computer to the standard she needs just like that + Christmas spending money. She is a PC gamer and has not been able to use her PC for a month as the capacitors gone and the graphics card needs replacing. It basically means her PC is a write off, despite upgrades in 2016

We've suggested she should consider getting a laptop or having her dad build a PC for her (its what he does) but she is adamant she wants this nintendo switch.

Would we be wrong to force her to get what she needs before what she wants? We've tried to encourage her a bit by upping the amount we would spend to build a new pc/laptop to £250 _ use some parts my husband already owns worth another £100 and she's still not having it!

On one hand I feel a bit cruel, but I was brought up to consider needs before wants at all times.

Red-Squirrel_2

At 17 a laptop isn’t a need anyway, if there is a PC or laptop in the house that she can use for schoolwork. Is there?

shiny76

If your daughter had asked for £150 of new clothes (or a bike) would you have insisted she buys a laptop/pc instead?

thorsoak

I would have thought that a laptop is more of an essential for a 17 year old who would be going on to college.

MortgageMamma

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

At 17 a laptop isn’t a need anyway, if there is a PC or laptop in the house that she can use for schoolwork. Is there?

Only mine and my husbands work computers which cannot be used due to data protection regulations.

MortgageMamma

shiny76 wrote: »

If your daughter had asked for £150 of new clothes (or a bike) would you have insisted she buys a laptop/pc instead?

yes - as she has more than enough clothes and has a bike already.

Gavin83

MortgageMamma wrote: »

Only mine and my husbands work computers which cannot be used due to data protection regulations.

So what do you and your husband do when you need to use a PC for personal use? Are they PCs supplied by your employer or did you buy them yourself and designate them 'work machines'?

MortgageMamma wrote: »

Would we be wrong to force her to get what she needs before what she wants?

I'm slightly torn on this. I think I'm leaning towards yes, it is wrong. She's old enough to make her own decisions and besides, she doesn't need a PC/laptop. It sounds like she uses it mainly for gaming (certainly not a requirement) and for schoolwork she could use the colleges PC's or go to the local library. If she is working part time she could buy her own cheap laptop without much effort from her wages, or just fix her current PC. It's not really clear what's wrong with her PC but she could fix it cheaply, you can pick up graphics cards for £20. She won't be able to play games with that but that isn't the priority here.

So my slightly torn part? Well, its Christmas and you could argue that presents should be a surprise and not dictated and therefore you could give her whatever. However expect her to be unhappy about it.

However under no circumstances should you be telling her how to spend her own wages, except asking for rent.

dawyldthing

I’d give her the money as she’ll realise she can’t have both. She can probably do the work on school computers if needed. I think she’s at an age where she knows what she wants. You can agree or disagree with it, but she also might plan to save her wages towards a new computer

jackieblack

So long as you apply the 'needs before wants' principle to all of your children's Christmas presents equally.....

gettingtheresometime

Whilst I can see the logic in what you are suggesting, I can also see your daughter's pov.


Would it making the decision easier if you considered her gaming as her hobby?

KxMx

I say give her the money as you were planning to.

When she realises her mistake, she will learn a valuable lesson. It will sink in more than parents telling her what to do.

Mistakes really can be the best way to learn.

I'd also avoid any form of "I told you so" afterwards.