Elderly Mother - Showing signs of Dementia - What to do?

Hectors_House

Tammer wrote: »

Thanks for the recent messages. I will visit my Mum next weekend to ask what the doctor has said about her peeing herself all the time. I, too, feel this could be the root of a lot of problems. For example, she probably was hanging around outside mine when I was on holiday as she may have wet herself. Also, the need to pull into a Perth in her car possibly due to having wet herself and panicking. Truthfully, I don't like the thought of her visiting my house in this condition as she soaks the couch etc. This is possibly not very sympathetic of me, I know.

The problem is, as we've noted above, the doctor can't tell me anything and my mum is not coherent when I ask about the doctor, giving replies like "you don't know what they're like".

After visiting my mum I will try to get a phone call with the doctor to talk about things in general terms only.

Your mother really should be using incontinance pants. There should be a nurse at your surgery that specialises in assessing people.

I’m assuming she will get these free if she is assessed as needing them.

BrassicWoman

Hectors_House wrote: »

Your mother really should be using incontinance pants. There should be a nurse at your surgery that specialises in assessing people.

I’m assuming she will get these free if she is assessed as needing them.

Needing them, and getting someone to use them, are two separate things. My mum just wouldn't until she was sectioned and had no choice. Went through replacement mattresses like nobody's business.

margaretclare

Just came across this thread. I couldn't help noticing the first sentence 'My mother is getting old...' Well, yes, we're all getting older, everyone is, but someone in her 60s is, nowadays, not what used to be thought of as 'old'. To compare, I fell in love all over again aged 62 and married again at 65. My husband and I are now both 84.


What is happening with your mother cannot be classified as any part of 'normal ageing'. It does look very much like early-onset dementia of some type - Alzheimer's is not the only one. I would strongly suggest that she needs and deserves proper investigation, diagnosis and then, decisions made from there on. It is definitely not a part of normal ageing to be incontinent, although UTI is very common and can exacerbate the problem. I do feel sorry for the OP and for this poor woman.

Tammer

Hi all,
I thought it was about time that I updated on the latest position. A few things have been happening.

The first is that my mum phoned me at work 2 weeks ago to say she has a note saying I have her car keys and she wants them back. I couldn't remember any note but anyway I don't have the car keys - my brother does. I thought I should go round after work. When I did I saw a neighbour walking to the house and know her as my mum's friend. Once I'd parked, I walked up to the door, which was ajar, and went in only to find my mum and the neighbour on the floor. It became apparent my mum had fallen over and the neighbour was trying to pick her up. The neighbour then updated me saying she'd fallen over 4 times already that day, including in the street, and had to be helped by strangers. She also said I should sell my mum's car and do something about the pets. Too be honest, I was quite overwhelmed and panicking. I helped my mum up and helped her to the couch. The neighbour left and I took my mum's dog a quick walk to clear my head. When I came back in my mum was clearly not herself - she seemed to have aged 15 years. She was hunched over and could not stand up straight and only barely coherent. It was now after 9pm and I wasn't sure what to do. In hindsight, I know this was the wrong decision but I thought I'd leave her overnight and come back at lunchtime the next day to see if she was any better. I got my brother to come too. We weren't in a hurry to go in as she tends not to get out of bed before lunchtime so weren't surprised there was no answer. When we let ourselves in at 1pm and my brother found my mum on the floor of her bedroom. My brother helped her up, got her dressed (with difficulty) and made her a small meal and I got an appointment with the GP for 4pm. My brother had to go back to work at 3pm.

2 things emerged that I thought were quite shocking:
>My mum had gone into the doctor's the day before saying she felt unwell but had been sent away as she didn't have an appointment - only to fall down on the way home and be helped by a stranger.
>It transpired that she had fallen out of bed, or trying to get into bed, at 4am so had been on the floor for nearly 9 hours.

At 4pm the GP was very helpful and phoned social services (no regular visits so far - the health visitor appears to have visited once only) and checked over my mum. The GP said she has a temperature, increased pulse, was flushed and so has an infection but is clearly also impacted by something else, dementia related.

She prescribed antibiotics and said we can take her into hospital in a couple of days if no improvement. I said she would therefore be going back to her house to fend for herself...… The GP said perhaps we should go to hospital now and made a call to get us booked in. I took my mum to the hospital and she has been there since (now 2 weeks).

My brother and I visit every day between us. She has improved hugely in hospital and can stand up straight, is not falling over, and seems a little more mentally alert. I suspect this is a combination of the infection having been defeated and that she is eating reasonably well in hospital and not just eating wine gums and chocolate all day every day. She is still a bit weak and incontinent and can't properly get dressed without help and is incontinent (mainly 1 but sometimes 2).

The next step is for the Occupational Therapy team to call me (they are apparently trying but don't seem to be able to call my mobile for some reason) to sort out my mum's release and ongoing care needs.

Although it is good that my mum is back to "normal" she is still in decline and needs ongoing care. 2 worries I have are:

1. I'm worried that my mum might come out of hospital without the support she needs as this can take time to get in place. She has already tried to escape once. Also whether we have to pay for care and, if so, how as I don't have anything in paper that says she has any sort of condition whatsoever.

2. I still do not have the PoA usable so there is a limit to what we can do on behalf of my mum. A previous post noted that it doesn't have to be invoked but that the solicitor needs to know she has lost capacity. My GP will not provide a letter for PoA purposes due to risks involved. I will need some other doctor's note to say she has "lost capacity" either from the hospital or she has an appointment at the Memory Clinic later in October.

Sorry for the long post. I feel a little better now that my mum is 'in the system' in hospital. I hope that she can be self sufficient in the future but with someone visiting her a couple of times a day.

Skiddaw1

Oh Tammer.... what a time you've had.... I'm glad your mum has had treatment and is now 'in the system' as you so rightly put it...


Whether she has to contribute financially towards the ongoing care package will depend on her income/means rather than yours. I hope that once you've managed to liaise with the OTs things will fall into place at least for a time. My father had carers coming in twice per day when he was still living independently but there came a point when it really wasn't sustainable any longer. My advice would be to explore longer term options now (extra sheltered housing, residential care, etc) so you're as prepared as you can be for when the time comes (which it inevitably will).


I think you definitely need to try to get the PoA sorted out sooner rather than later. I should discuss that with the OTs and/or the hospital staff. I'd hope your mother's consultant would be prepared to provide something in writing. If no one will engage with it speak to PALS.



Good luck with it all.

elsien

Care at home shouldn't take time to sort if it's needed. If it looks like the hospital is going to send her home without a package of care being in place then speak to the ward manager about it being an unsafe discharge, and make a fuss until something is done. Get in touch with the hospital social worker as a starting point - I presume they have them where you are?

With regards to the power of attorney, capacity is time and decision specific. You do not need a general letter to say she has lost capacity; if your PoA needs proof to be enacted (have you checked with the OPG?) she needs a time and decision specific assessment just around her understanding of her finances. Did you check what sort of power of attorney it is?

Tammer

elsien wrote: »

Did you check what sort of power of attorney it is?

Thanks for the reply. It is apparently a PoA that covers both welfare and finances.

Catcrazy

I feel sympathy for your mum, brother and yourself.
I hope this situation is soon sorted out and the care and home circumstances are suitable to her/your situation.
She is young to be going through this. I am sure that the UTI s are really making it worse .My grandfather used to be terribly affected and confused when he had a UTI ,he was a lovely man, became pleasantly confused and when treated his confusion diminished.
I can't help advising you but wish you all well.

elsien

Tammer wrote: »

Thanks for the reply. It is apparently a PoA that covers both welfare and finances.

LPA or EPA?

Pollycat

elsien wrote: »

LPA or EPA?

I thought EPAs covered financial matters only.
The OP mentions 'welfare and finance'.
This could be 'health and welfare' and 'property and finances' - Lasting Power of Attorney.
But each of these above have a separate POA and the OP says:

Tammer wrote: »

Thanks for the reply. It is apparently a PoA that covers both welfare and finances.

I think the OP needs to check if it is an Enduring Power of Attorney - which won't cover 'welfare' or if there are 2 separate Lasting Power of Attorney:
1 for health and welfare
1 for property and finance.

POA and what type was mentioned earlier on in the thread but hasn't been clarified.
Poppy10 wrote a very good post at # 51.