Elderly Mother - Showing signs of Dementia - What to do?

badmemory

Once you reach a certain age UTIs can appear to have a catastrophic effect. I had a friend who had a UTI who didn't even know that he had been in hospital for 2 weeks. He also barely remembered the care home they insisted he went into because they considered him unable to care for himself. Many assume this to be dementia but it is not. Once treated normality is resumed. So a UTI must be ruled out before the dementia police & unfortunately in too many cases, lets grab their assets jump into action.


The major problem with UTIs is that unlike many infections they seem to lead to very minor temperature increases & as many "elderly" have lower than "average" temps anyway the extra from a UTI goes unnoticed.


Just so you know - my temp has been lower than average for a lot of years - certainly since well before I was 60.

barbie51

We have been through a similar situation. I would suggest if possible try and get a Power of Attorney in place. (Not sure how that works in Scotland) It may be awkward because your mum will have to sign the forms. It can be done yourself or you can co through a solicitor which is more expensive.This will then give you the right to speak to the medical profession. Your next step is to involve Social Services. Regardless of your mum's financial situation you are entitled to an assessment by them. Next stage is Financial advice-find a SOLLA advisor. As my mum got worse we had to sell her flat to pay for a Care Home. One of the hardest and most heartbreaking things we have ever had to do. Good Luck. (The Alzheimer Society can often help with advice)

elderlyPete

My mum had "lady's problems" from her middle age (and perhaps earlier). She came to live with us when she was nearly 90 after my dad died. She was diagnosed with mild dementia, which became much more pronounced if she suffered a bout of urinary infection - which via our GP was successfully treated with antibiotics.

I then realised that after having a poo she wiped herself forwards from between her legs. "But I've always done it this way". We got her to change this, and there were no more urinary infections, and much reduced symptoms of dementia until she died, 18 months later.

Apologies to put this so bluntly, but it is worth checking, as diplomatically as possible, how your mum is keeping herself clean. Nowadays girls/women are routinely given advice about this, but a few decades ago they may not have been, and may have retained toilet habits from their youth.

Ageing_hippy

If she needs any form of care she may also be entitled to attendance allowance. If not now, be aware of it for the future. When completing form always fill it in as if it is her worst day as they always try and refuse it. I successfully got attendance allowance for mum and elderly in laws once they needed it. Also if there is concern about memory, GP should be able to do simple test with her. If memory is shown to be affected then worth getting referred to Psychiatrist with a view to prescribing Aricept which helps to improve cognition and behavior of people with Dementia. Mum had it and it certainly helped. Might be useful to see what daycare services /clubs are available. She went to daycare a few times a week which she really enjoyed as otherwise she was stuck at home all day on her own. We were fortunate in having a good day care service who collected her from home in the morning and returned her later in the day. Good luck.

Bellisima

My mum developed dementia. The first incident of unusual behaviour is when my sister bought her a handbag for her birthday. She accused her of wrapping up an old handbag of hers and that it wasn’t new. Her memory was very poor. She eventually had no idea of the time or day, she was forgetting to eat or bathe. She became urinary incontenant. She had many falls where she couldn’t get up. She was a big lady so we had to call an ambulance each time and sometimes they took her to hospital to check her over. She was eventually referred to the Falls Clinic at our local hospital. We were there for 2 hrs, seeing Occupational Therapy, Physio and finally the Geriatric Specialist. He assessed and said he felt her falls were due to Dementia. I burst into tears. I knew it but it was still a shock.

The Geriatric doc then arranged for a Memory Test. They came to her home with my sister and I present, as well as an Interpreter as mum was Italian with poor English. She failed the test badly and spent most of her time gazing out of the window.

It was suggested she needed carers to help with food and bathing, but she refused it. It was such a distressing time for us all. She started to smell of urine, but when I suggested she changed her clothes she shouted at me to leave her alone. She put on her coat and went out!

Things finally came to a head. My brother went round to see her, and found mum slumped half out of her bed and had vomited. The house was boiling hot as she had left the grill on, probably since the night before. My brother called an ambulance, mum was admitted. It was unsafe to send her home and was finally transferred to a local care home. She loved it there.

She had no Power of Attorney so we had to apply to the courts as she no longer had capacity. A long winded and expensive route but it had to be done so we could access her money to pay for the care home. My heart goes out to you because it isn’t an easy road. I found Age UK very helpful. They told me all mum was entitled to (not much) and filled in the Attendance Allowance forms at my house. They were brilliant.

Poorexgirlfriend192

Hi there.
My mum had vascular dementia, I talk about this on my YT channel and the hoarding plus Power of Attorney etc. My channel name is Clara Sais. Some of what you have described does sound familiar to my situation. Do feel free to ask me any questions if you need too.

Fisaplisap

Hello there,
I’m sure I could write a book on looking after a family member with dementia but I’ll try and keep it succinct.
I reside in Scotland (Fife) so can share my knowledge which should be relevant to you. Bearing in mind things change so info may be inaccurate now.

• Alzheimer’s Scotland have dementia advisors who have a wealth of knowledge and will answer most, if not all of your questions. You can speak to them on the phone. See their webpage.
• Since 2013 in Scotland, once there is a diagnosis, there is a minimum of 1 year’s post diagnostic support via a link advisor. I only discovered this a few years after diagnosis. I think the reality of this service is sporadic depending on what area you live in Scotland. Your GP may be unaware- many health professionals are.
• Once your mum gets a psych assessment, the actual confirmed diagnosis may take a while to be recorded with your GP but I was there when it took place and I simply asked the psychiatrist and he confirmed dementia. The confirmation is really a paper exercise time the assessment comes round, as you, your mother and your family have been aware of the condition for some time. It does sound like she has the condition. It’s how you deal with the condition from here on in.
• ‘Shy bairns get no sweeties’- you have to advocate on behalf of your mother now- not whilst waiting for an official diagnosis. You might not like sticking your head above the parapet but you have to fight for everything you/your mother are entitled to. And be prepared for some battles with your mother- you are acting in her best interests but she will not realise this. You have to make tough decisions that she may hate but she no longer has cognition to decide for herself. She will be (if not already) considered a vulnerable adult. What’s worse- waiting for something to happen (which I did, sadly), or act now to get ahead of the game.
• Living with dementia is not just the sufferer- your life (and anyone else involved in her care) is going to change. It is stressful, upsetting and will affect your other relationships, job, home life, social life. It’s not clear how old you are but assuming anywhere from 30-50 years old? I’m 40 and have been dealing with a similar situation for 8 years. I feel lucky that I’m young and healthy enough to run around and deal with everything. It depends on your circumstances and how involved you/your family want to be. Care provision at home/in care homes will never be as good or attentive as a caring family.
• Dementia is an ever changing beast. You learn as you go but things change and you have to react/adapt to a situation. Dementia sufferers have similar and different symptoms- your mum will be no different. There is no one size fits all.
• Just realised I’ve probably not maybe answered your queries and just blethered about my experiences (!)- but your first port of calls should be GP (I’d be getting into that next appointment with your mother come hell or high water!), social work adult services/older persons social services (just ring the main line for social services in your area and ask for social worker who deals with older persons) and Alzheimer Scotland. From there, they’ll be the conduits to further health services, occupational health, care packages (Scotland- care is free if carers are coming into your home but depends on how many hours your mum is given. Think max is 8 hours a day (4 hours with 2 carers) but that’s for a severe case. She could get as little as a 15 minute visit 3 times a day……(see question 4!)), department for work and pensions for cold weather allowance (she may be entitled already and would have had a letter that she might have hidden/disposed of), attendance allowance (if you want to get cleaners in, for example- see DWP website for what this is used for), carer’s allowance etc. She pays NO council tax if she has dementia and think you can get a rebate too. But don’t expect someone to do any of this for you. There are probably other services I’ve used I can’t recall at the moment. Dementia champions are supposed to be in hospital wards (often senior nurses)- I was never approached by them when my auntie was last in hospital. The services are there- you just have to look really hard to find them and then fight to get them.
  
  I could go on forever and be happy for you to speak to me further if you wished. Without sounding too morose, you are dealing with this horrible illness as well as your mother. There are periods of happiness and laughter but the condition doesn’t get better- only more complex and debilitating which takes up more of your time, head and heart. As someone else posted, get things sorted now- your finger has to be on the pulse. It isn’t going to go away.
  
  All the best, Ash.

GaynorH

I would look at that Power of Attorney ASAP. It gives you the right to phone the doctor on your mother’s behalf and ask for an assessment to be made in surgery or at home. Also make sure the receptionist has on your mothers records that you have power of attorney and that they have all your current details......
NOW please don’t be alarmed but I have been exactly where you are right now with your mother, only it was my 48yr old (at the time) sister.
She showed all the signs you have described and we plodded on with social services, mis diagnosis, psychiatric wards etc. My lovely sister was eventually diagnosed with PICKS DISEASE ( early onset dementia). PLEASE GOOGLE this condition ASAP. I hope you and your family find her the help she needs. X

Tammer

Hi,
I thought I should provide an update.

I wrote to my mum's doctor. She phoned to say someone will visit my mum and get her to come in for an appointment. I have seen my mum a few times over the last few weeks and she says the doctor visited and she was nice.

She has still not arranged the appointment with the doctor however.

I went round last night and asked her to phone the doctor on Monday to make an appointment. She said she will. I will have to phone her on Monday to check.

More alarmingly, I noticed a card from the police when I was round. When I asked about it she said that someone had seen her getting in her car locally and had called the police. The police had come round to check she was ok.

One of the things I asked the doctor to check, in my letter, was her fitness to drive.

Is there anything else I should be doing just now? I believe the doctor's assessment is the critical thing to get done.

Primrose

Does your mum have regular annual eye tests? This is obviously important as the optician should be able to determine whether her eyesight meets DVLA regulations. Vision faults like cataracts, glaucoma etc can creep up on somebody slowly without them realising their eyesight has deteriorated because such conditions are usually painless.

I wonder if somebody called the police because your mother's driving is actually dangerous rather than from concern that "she was ok". If her eyesight is ok and driving allows her to maintain some indeoendence, perhaps booking a session with a driving school to asses/refresh her skills would provide you and her with some reassurance that she is still a capable road user.