Elderly Mother - Showing signs of Dementia - What to do?

poppy10_2

See:
https://www.england.nhs.uk/coronavirus/wp-content/uploads/sites/52/2020/03/on-entry-hospital-discharge-patient-leaflet-v4.pdf

"Q) Why can't I stay in hospital?
The health system is busy helping patients affected by coronavirus  (COVID-19). This is a new illness that can affect the lungs and airways and some people who contract the illness will need to be admitted to hospital. It is important that our hospitals are ready to look after those people who need this hospital care. Because of this, you will not have a choice over your discharge. You will not be able to remain in hospital if you choose not to accept the care that is being offered to you."

See also:

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/880288/COVID-19_hospital_discharge_service_requirements.pdf

"For patients whose needs are too great to return to their own home (about 5% of patients admitted to hospital) a suitable rehabilitation bed or care home will be arranged. During the COVID-19 pandemic, patients will not be able to wait in hospital until their first choice of care home has a vacancy. This will mean a short spell in an alternative care home and the care coordinators will follow up to ensure patients are able to move as soon as possible to their long term care home. During the COVID-19 pandemic, all of the above support will be paid for by the NHS, to ensure patients move on from their acute hospital stay as quickly as possible."

KxMx

OP is in Scotland so those links do not apply.
In terms of the Care Act legislation it's designed as a temporary suspension to be used only when local authorities need to use it.  I believe 8 areas have done so (DRUK email). 
Hopsital admission/discharge policy is likely to be in wide force however.
Scotland are likely to have similar policies to England. 

Tammer

Hi,
Thanks for the above posts.  I think that Scotland are trying to follow the above requirements.  I think though, that human compassion kicks in when they are faced with the reality of the situation. I have said that I don't consent to my mum moving to a care home with COVID 19 and  couple of other (not onerous) conditions.   I think if they forced their own planned move and then my mum caught COVID 19 and died, that they would be in an awkward position morally and even legally.   At the moment, she is not being moved and I am exploring care homes with help from the social work team and we're moving as fast as we can. 

Tammer

Hi
I thought it may be helpful to give a short update but also to ask a couple of questions that someone may be able to help with.
My mum has now been moved to a Nursing Home. Thankfully it is covid 19 free.   She is "self funding" so I am trying to sort out her affairs (no mean feat) .  I have sold her car.  Unbeknown to me it had previously been written off but thankfully the new buyer didn't freak out too much.   
I am trying to sell the bigger items from her house on gumtree and facebook marketplace - her sofa (new) and table and chairs.  I am going to try to get some of her ornaments valued but not sure how?  Does anyone have any experience of this?

I pick up her mail and it is usually a mixture of bin, file and legal action imminent.  She is being pursued for membership fees for a week's timeshare she has in Scotland.  £500 a year.  To cancel the timeshare membership it is £2500!!  I am trying to get copies of the contract and am making them a lower offer to see if they go for that.  Is there any help on timeshares on this forum?

Thanks in advance. 

Grumpelstiltskin

An awful lot of ornaments are worth very little but occasionally they can be worth a lot of money.
If they are of the 'collectable ' kind sold in the 80's and 90's then you will find they are worth nothing.
If they are marked then have a quick look on E Bay at sold prices, that will give you an idea.
Once you have an idea and you think something is valuable then contact a local auction house.

Primrose

You have my sympathy.  Having gone through this exercise myself I know what an overwhelming feat it is and often it,s the smaller things which seem to take a disproportionate amount of time and effort for the least return.
re the ornaments, it,s possibly worth contacting a local antique dealer for some valuations if you have reason to think they are valuable but perhaps only if your mum was an ardent collector who knew something about the collectibles market.  As Grumpelstiltskin  has said, most are  low value items perhaps sentimentally inherited from her parents but actually low value objects and  it,s rare indeed that Ming vases are found among them. 

My advice would be to perhaps keep a couple of favourite ones and rotate them between your home and your mum,s nursing home room if there,s space and dispose of the rest in a charity shop.  You have a long journey ahead of you so taking a lot of time to try and value reasonable worthless objects may not be the best use of your hard pressed time.  (Been there. Got the Tee shirt.  Mother gave me a "valuable" sapphire ring which she said would be useful to sell if ever I was hard up so decided I ought to have it valued.  Expert examined it, smiled sympathetically and said "Well, it,s a nice piece of blue glass,".  Then I stopped and asked myself where on earth my mother could possibly have acquired such a valuable piece of jewellery.  She didn,t live that kind of lifestyle.  Did your Mum?)

Tammer

Hi,
Thanks for the comments.  That is some useful advice.
Re. the ornaments, ordinarily I'd have thought they were worthless but a neighbour, who checks on the house, said she thinks a vase is worth a couple of thousand.  
Some other items were brought back from Asia and Africa in the 1960s or early 70s so I'm a bit curious about them.  I might have to box them up then take them to a dealer but some may go on photos at the moment for an initial view?

Grumpelstiltskin

I would try an auction house if you can, they will usually look at any photos you send them, make sure you photograph any marks on the base, often they do in England have days when you can take items in to be valued. I know a very good auction house about 25 miles from where I live does monthly sessions at our local museum where you can take items to be valued, but make sure it is a reputable auction house, Google will be your friend.
Be wry of taking them to an antique dealer unless you know they are reputable.

Tammer

Hi, 
I thought I would update on what's been happening recently as a few months have passed.  
My mum is in a nursing home now in Edinburgh. It is lovely, but quite expensive at £6,700 a month.    I checked her ornaments with an auction house (remotely) and confirmed that they are not worth anything, which is a shame.
I am working on a few things for her:

• I am transferring her to another really nice nursing home that's in Central Scotland.  It's around £1200 a month cheaper and near my brother.  She was actually supposed to transfer there today but they have found a covid case in the nursing home through random testing.   The move is on hold now.  It is good to see they are taking the virus very seriously now in Scotland, which was not the case a few months ago.
• I am selling a house my mum has for sale down in England near Hull.   The amazing thing is that a 4 bedroom house down there goes for around £100k!    I think that someone could rent out the rooms individually for at least £70 a week each.  That's nearly £15,000 a year, a 15% rental yield which I think is remarkable. Buyers are proving a bit reluctant (to offer a decent price) however as I think they're used to people struggling to sell down there.

The last thing I'm dealing with for her just now is a horrible situation and a moneysaving disaster for me. When my mum went into hospital I started to look after her cat. The cat is lovely and he's part of our family now.  For various reasons, we don't have pet insurance for him.  He was hit by a car 10 days ago and has a broken pelvis.  I am self insuring but this has been a hard learned lesson for me.   To give you some idea, 1 night at the emergency vet's, on the night he was injured, costs over £800.  He has now had 2 operations and several nights in ICU.  I know it's madness but I feel guilt about this happening to my mum's cat when I'm trusted to look after him. I also have the money so I feel I can't refuse to spend it and have him die as a result (he would have died without the first operation). I know it's not a rational decision.
All in all, a tough time for all of us just now. I will go to visit my mum this week to tell her what's been going on but I won't mention the cat...

katiepoppycat

It sounds like you are having a really tough time.  I hope things improve for you all soon.  For household bits and bobs of non breakables I used vintage cash cow.  They send you a list of things they accept and a prepaid label.  You send them a box full of stuff and they make ypu an offer.  If you don't like they send the box back free of charge.