Elderly Mother - Showing signs of Dementia - What to do?

sheramber

As the OP is in Scotland it may be a Combined Power of Attorney

https://www.publicguardian-scotland.gov.uk/power-of-attorney/power-of-attorney/types-of-power-of-attorney

Pollycat

sheramber wrote: »

As the OP is in Scotland it may be a Combined Power of Attorney

https://www.publicguardian-scotland.gov.uk/power-of-attorney/power-of-attorney/types-of-power-of-attorney

OK, thanks for pointing that out.

I did note that the OP was in Scotland way up thread:

Pollycat wrote: »

Not sure about Scotland but in England there is Adult Social Servicea.
Check it out in your area.

but that was going on for a year ago.

The fact remains that the OP needs to determine what sort of POA she has.

Tammer

Hi.
I am indeed in Scotland.

The POA was granted in my favour in 2015. The solicitor says it covers both welfare and finances.

The solicitor says I need a letter from a doctor to say she has lost capacity. This seems not entirely unreasonable, given it would give me control over my mum's bank accounts etc and decisions over whether she would go into a care home but I am only going by gut feeling (and it is actually a little frustrating).

I will write to the solicitor again updating on the latest position and asking what is to happen next with the PoA.

Malthusian

Tammer wrote: »

1. I'm worried that my mum might come out of hospital without the support she needs as this can take time to get in place. She has already tried to escape once. Also whether we have to pay for care and, if so, how as I don't have anything in paper that says she has any sort of condition whatsoever.

It has already been said but it's worth emphasising: you don't have to pay for care. Depending on her needs and her assets, she and/or the local authority may have to.

There is nothing stopping you from paying for a higher standard of care for her but it is entirely voluntary.

2. I still do not have the PoA usable so there is a limit to what we can do on behalf of my mum. A previous post noted that it doesn't have to be invoked but that the solicitor needs to know she has lost capacity. My GP will not provide a letter for PoA purposes due to risks involved. I will need some other doctor's note to say she has "lost capacity" either from the hospital or she has an appointment at the Memory Clinic later in October.

Not helpful for the OP, but it is worth emphasising for other readers: this is why Powers of Attorney should be made effective as soon as they are registered. Not only when you have lost capacity. (In England and Wales, this is a tickbox on the standard form. I understand from Googling that the Scottish Government doesn't provide POA forms and you have to get a solicitor to do them.)

There is no good reason to make a Power of Attorney effective only when you have lost capacity. It just adds an unnecessary headache for the attorneys (as it has here), and puts you at greater risk of financial abuse, in the unlikely event that you appoint a bad Attorney. If an Attorney tries to interfere with your finances while you are still compos mentis, you can sack them, countermand anything they did, then appoint better Attorneys.

This seems not entirely unreasonable, given it would give me control over my mum's bank accounts etc and decisions over whether she would go into a care home but I am only going by gut feeling (and it is actually a little frustrating).

It is not unreasonable, it's just completely pointless. Your mother already confirmed that she is happy for you to have control over her bank accounts and care decisions when she signed the POA. If she was happy for you to have control over those things now, then she would certainly have been happy for you to have control when she had capacity, when she had oversight and the final say.

Tammer

Malthusian wrote: »

It is not unreasonable, it's just completely pointless. Your mother already confirmed that she is happy for you to have control over her bank accounts and care decisions when she signed the POA. If she was happy for you to have control over those things now, then she would certainly have been happy for you to have control when she had capacity, when she had oversight and the final say.

Ah, the thing is, my mum has no recollection of putting the PoA in place. She also doesn't want it to come into effect yet as she "would feel like a child". I don't want to force her to do anything she doesn't want to do but I would like to have the PoA so I can check out her finances to advise her on whether she can afford things like a walk in shower instead of a bath etc. It would also allow me to act on her behalf with her 2 rental properties which are possibly in a shambolic state. She thinks 1 may have unwelcome tenants in it and it's 200 miles away so I'm going to have to go down there soon to see what the reality is.:(

KxMx

I hesitate to be brutal but your Mum doesn't have capacity any more to make those decisions about when the PoA comes into force.

You would be acting in her best interests were you to do so now. She is ill mentally and is not acting from a position of being competent when she says she doesn't want it.

When she had mental capacity she consented to you having the PoA for just such a situation as she is in now.

You needn't take over everything totally once the PoA is in place either. You can talk to her, listen to her views (such as they are) and hopefully find areas where she can have the final say sometimes. Or at the very least make her feel you are considering her wishes and taking them seriously (even if you have to turn around and do the opposite).

Tammer

Hi
I thought I should update on things.

My mum is still is hospital and has been for over a month. There are signs she might be released but it won't be for a while yet. The doctors have said that she has signs of dementia in her behaviour and in the scans they've done.

I have kept in touch with the solicitor and they have told me today that they will give me the Power of Attorney (which covers both Finance and Health) but the Health bit doesn't apply as a doctor hasn't confirmed "she has lost capacity". This doesn't really matter at the moment and it's great news (from a certain viewpoint) that I'll have the PoA and can start sorting things out for my mum.

Some immediate concerns that I'll have to sort out are that she is being pursued by 3 parties (I went through her recent post which had been redirected to the house in England). These are:

• Some parking outfit from a service station where I think she must have gone to sleep back in July (before being taken to hospital by the police!) for staying longer than 2 hours.

• Santander for an overdue Credit Card payment.
  
• TV licensing people for her unoccupied house in the east of England.

Can I ask for help from you?

What treatment should I expect from those parties pursuing her? Would they waive some of the charges (additional charges have been added) given my mum is in hospital?

Any help would be appreciated as I'm finding all of this very stressful.

elsien

Parking company are vultures who don't care about any mitigating circumstances. You can fight it with the help of the parking ticket forum on this site if you have the mental energy to do so. Head over there and look at the stickies and do a search for your particular PPC as a starting point - some of them who threaten prosecution can be ignored, others can't.
Don't contact the PPC at all until you've checked out the situation more thoroughly. It may be possible to get the landowner to cancel the charge.

If she's in hospital and unwell the others should give you some breathing space. Contact them in writing to explain the circumstances and request a waive of the charges.
Does she need a TV licence for her house, or is it only unoccupied because she's in hospital?

Tammer

Hi,

It's been a while so I thought I should update. My mum is still in hospital and has been since 23 Sept. We had her out for a few hours yesterday to spend Xmas with me. It's so sad to see all the nurses and cleaners working in the hospital on Xmas day. They are the true saints.

She will be getting out soonish, and will have 4 care visits a day. They are considering whether to have some at night too. It's good that they are taking her care very seriously but it's terrifying that her GP had tried to send her home with antibiotics to fend for herself before I insisted she goes to hospital.

I have successfully appealed her parking charge notice (after elsien's tip above) using this forum. It was quite exhausting.

I have been watching some of the Hoarder programmes recently. Some of it rings true but mostly they pick people who are happy to have their house cleared out. I would guess that they are a tiny minority of hoarders. I've loaded my car's boot (it's enormous) with 4 or 5 loads from my mum's to take to the dump. I've spent 4 hours tackling the letters on her kitchen table. I can't do too much more as I periodically near breaking point myself.

I have PoA (in part) and it's quite frustrating the different responses you get from different organisations. Some can just get you to upload a scanned certified copy. Some need you to visit a branch. Some need you to send it by registered post. When it's registered, some give you joint access to my mum's accounts, some need you to take over the account and remove all her access - which is not really ideal.

All in all, it's a shadowy world I never knew existed and never want to live in myself.

BrassicWoman

Much love Tammer. A tricky xmas here too for related reasons. Be kind to yourself.