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Elderly Mother - Showing signs of Dementia - What to do?

edited 4 December 2018 at 10:45AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
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  • badmemorybadmemory Forumite
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    Having a UTI can sometimes make someone appear to have dementia especially as you get older & seems to involve only a very small increase in temp which often goes unnoticed. It also makes incontinence worse, which also seems to be made worse for many women who have had babies older.


    Have you considered depression? Which can lead to - the floor needs cleaning - shrug shoulders & walk away.
  • LadyDeeLadyDee Forumite
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    The first thing to rule out is a UTI - this can cause confusion, often very severe, which could lead to a kidney problem. See if you can get that organised as a matter of urgency.
  • TammerTammer Forumite
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    Hi,

    I have written to my Mum's doctor explaining my concerns and asking them to assess her, and try to treat the (urinary) incontinence as a priority.

    It will be interesting to see what happens next. Part of the challenge is that she never answers the phone any more. She says she never hears it and then her mobile is always hidden away somewhere.

    I hunted out my correspondence about the Power of Attorney. This is currently held by a solicitor's firm and would be enacted if the doctor said that she was unable to look after herself.


    I note that the link in the first reply on this thread says that one should contact the Social Care team for an assessment. I think the best thing is for the doctor to look at her as there may be some medical issues needing attention which may help the mental side of things.
    Thank you for the help so far. I will try to post developments on this thread as they occur.
    T
  • TammerTammer Forumite
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    I just have one other request of the helpful people on this site. It has just occurred to me but I should really check that she is receiving the state benefits she is entitled to at 68.

    I don't know where to start with these (for her). If someone can list what she could be entitled to I can investigate with her and the DWP.

    The ones I can think she may be entitled to are:
    • State pension
    • Free bus pass
    • Cold weather allowance?

    Many thanks,
    T
  • jamesperrettjamesperrett Forumite
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    Probably worth looking at

    https://www.entitledto.co.uk/

    and going through the calculator.
  • PollycatPollycat Forumite
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    She would have been eligible for her free bus pass at age 60.


    She should have received her state pension at the same age.


    Cold Weather Payment is paid if you are on certain benefits - see GOV.UK
  • RambosmumRambosmum Forumite
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    She may also be entitled to Attendance Allowance, once the GP has seen her and diagnosed something.
  • TammykittyTammykitty Forumite
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    Tammer wrote: »
    I just have one other request of the helpful people on this site. It has just occurred to me but I should really check that she is receiving the state benefits she is entitled to at 68.

    I don't know where to start with these (for her). If someone can list what she could be entitled to I can investigate with her and the DWP.

    The ones I can think she may be entitled to are:
    • State pension
    • Free bus pass
    • Cold weather allowance?

    Many thanks,
    T


    Pension Credit depending on any private income and assets - tops up income to a minimum of £163
  • The Doctor should give your Mum a memory test and have a talk with her to ascertain what degree of dementia she has.
    Look for food in her fridge and look at use by dates, is she eating properly? is she clean and can she bath and wash herself properly?
    Does she recognise people and does she sleep regular hours or does she get up in the night thinking it is morning. Can she make a cup of tea or do you find two or three teabags in the kettle, does she get angry and/or violent or swears.

    It is going to be a very upsetting future for you if you do not seek help now. We found Social Services in Hull very helpful and we went to a meeting over four weeks on how to recognise and cope with my MIL's dementia. One secret is to redirect and not argue i.e. when my MIL started asking where her (deceased) husband was we said he was on his barge and was unable to get in on account of the tides.

    To tell her he had died would mean that she would start grieving all over again. I feel for you. Seek help now to save yourself heartache later on. Phil.
  • edited 5 December 2018 at 1:21AM
    SandraXSandraX
    840 posts
    edited 5 December 2018 at 1:21AM
    Dear OP

    Contact GP, request urgent memory test. (tell them re urinary incontinence concerns)
    Contact social services and request full assessment
    for vulnerable adult living alone to inc financial assessment/benefits
    and entitlements check.
    Hope like below is helpful
    https://www.alzscot.org/information_and_resources/symptoms_and_diagnosis

    There is a chance it's a UTI like another said as at times can give especially ladies forgetfulness.

    BTW, take peoples names you speak with and timescales and tell them you want to be the first contact if mum agrees as they normally want the service users consent unless they do not have the capacity - so be prepared and good luck.

    Keep us updated please and hope you tell us it was a uti and all clear - but a benefits check would still be good and a bus pass/free travel card
    :)

    PS> If mum allows you to go to docs with here, bullet points re changes you have noted, timescales, your concerns, but initially mum will need to agree to everything - parents are like that and you are not alone
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