Housekeeping money from partner?

Clairybear

He pays 30 in maintenance because he buys all uniforms for them, pays for all school trips, winter coats etc. also they stay on average 3.5 nights per week. This was worked out with CMO and my partner and his ex wife.

duchy

That's great that he listened and you both got the resentments out . I absolutely understand how he'd feel he was working for everyone and you weren't working. My ex felt the same but unlike yours he couldn't get his head around that I couldn't be in two places at once (he had to sometimes travel for work and unexpectedly pull 14 hour days) so it got tricky (it's not why we split but it was with hindsight a contributing factor). It's also really positive he's prepared to rework the access arrangements.
Good luck with the job hunt.

Clairybear wrote: »

Thanks for your comments. I do clothe my children but sometimes they have to wait. I was referring to a takeaway we had several weeks ago on one child’s (his child’s) birthday as a treat
We spoke in depth yesterday and we agreed that the child contact arrangement with his children needs altering, which in turn will enable me to work. I was able to tell him exactly how hard is has been and the resentment I hold, he then told me he held resentment too that I am home all the time.
My parents would quite happily look after his children but his ex wife wouldn’t allow that. They have to be here. And as for him calling her a psycho, he hasn’t, ever.. it’s me that calls her a psycho because she uses the children as weapons (which court saw straight through luckily.)
We have now agreed he will help with food and after Christmas we will have a bank account purely for kids and household.
As for the rest of his money I have no clue as to where it goes as I don’t ask. I have applied for lots of jobs so hopefully will hear something back real soon.

candygirl

Clairybear wrote: »

Thanks for your comments. I do clothe my children but sometimes they have to wait. I was referring to a takeaway we had several weeks ago on one child’s (his child’s) birthday as a treat
We spoke in depth yesterday and we agreed that the child contact arrangement with his children needs altering, which in turn will enable me to work. I was able to tell him exactly how hard is has been and the resentment I hold, he then told me he held resentment too that I am home all the time.
My parents would quite happily look after his children but his ex wife wouldn’t allow that. They have to be here. And as for him calling her a psycho, he hasn’t, ever.. it’s me that calls her a psycho because she uses the children as weapons (which court saw straight through luckily.)
We have now agreed he will help with food and after Christmas we will have a bank account purely for kids and household.
As for the rest of his money I have no clue as to where it goes as I don’t ask. I have applied for lots of jobs so hopefully will hear something back real soon.

Brilliant progress, until we get to your last sentence. Is he hiding something? If not why don't you have any idea where the rest of the money goes?

Clairybear

I do work, every Sunday evening in a local pub (and occasional Fridays and Saturdays when there are functions on) but again it’s very little when I have the potential to work on a full time basis, which hopefully once we’ve sorted the kids with his ex wife I will be able to do. Thankyou so much for your comments it really has given me food for thought. X

Spendless

candygirl wrote: »

Brilliant progress, until we get to your last sentence. Is he hiding something? If not why don't you have any idea where the rest of the money goes?

Probably because they don't have 'shared' money, so though she knows his wages is covering the bills/mortgage, she has no idea of what other things he spends on.

candygirl

Spendless wrote: »

Probably because they don't have 'shared' money, so though she knows his wages is covering the bills/mortgage, she has no idea of what other things he spends on.

I don't like the idea of this.Not that he should have to account for every penny, but they are in a relationship, so surely any spare money, should be for the whole family?:(

Red-Squirrel_2

Clairybear wrote: »

his ex wife wouldn’t allow that. They have to be here. And as for him calling her a psycho, he hasn’t, ever.. it’s me that calls her a psycho

Glad you've made some progress, but honestly don't fall in to this trap, its not going to be anything but unhelpful in the long term.

You're just as tied to the mother of your partner's children as you are to him and them.

Spendless

candygirl wrote: »

I don't like the idea of this.Not that he should have to account for every penny, but they are in a relationship, so surely any spare money, should be for the whole family?:(

There's been plenty of threads on here where people don't agree, they have their own money and don't share. There was one recently but I can't remember what the exact scenario was (I'm tempted to say it was a MMD but they are normally so stupid I don't think it was). It does indeed put a non working or reduced working spouse/partner in a vulnerable position.

Spendless

Spendless wrote: »

There's been plenty of threads on here where people don't agree, they have their own money and don't share. There was one recently but I can't remember what the exact scenario was (I'm tempted to say it was a MMD but they are normally so stupid I don't think it was). It does indeed put a non working or reduced working spouse/partner in a vulnerable position.

Candygirl - Yes I'm right it was.
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5923625/money-moral-dilemma-should-i-tell-my-partner-about-my-savings

candygirl

Spendless wrote: »

Candygirl - Yes I'm right it was.
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5923625/money-moral-dilemma-should-i-tell-my-partner-about-my-savings

Not impressed with that either