Housekeeping money from partner?

username12345678

duchy wrote: »

You aren't married and its his house so you and your children have no security if he ended the relationship tomorrow. Why on earth are you allowing yourself and your kids to lose out financially to suit him /

Because she's getting a roof put over her head obviously.

duchy

username12345678 wrote: »

Because she's getting a roof put over her head obviously.

Oh hello , you again !
Are you following me ?

However as a single parent she could get housing benefit and wouldn't have her tax credits or benefits capped (eg working or not not makes no difference) she would actually be financially better off either way.

She would also have the security of a tenancy for her and her children whereas at present she has none. I wouldn't have liked to have had such insecurity with young children.

In this scenario it appears it's the father who is getting the benefit of her caring for the kids whilst he works shifts (and pays less child support because they stay more nights under his roof even though he doesn't do the pick ups or school runs so is either at work or asleep presumably) and these responsibilities make it impossible for her to find work hours (I can quite understand grandparents happy to help with their own grandchildren .....but five including a couple of unrelated children would be too much for many even without a 25 minute commute to and from school for them) )

username12345678

duchy wrote: »

Oh hello , you again !
Are you following me ?

However as a single parent she could get housing benefit and wouldn't have her tax credits or benefits capped (eg working or not not makes no difference) she would actually be financially better off either way.

She would also have the security of a tenancy for her and her children whereas at present she has none. I wouldn't have liked to have had such insecurity with young children.

In this scenario it appears it's the father who is getting the benefit of her caring for the kids whilst he works shifts (and pays less child support because they stay more nights under his roof even though he doesn't do the pick ups or school runs so is either at work or asleep presumably) and these responsibilities make it impossible for her to find work hours (I can quite understand grandparents happy to help with their own grandchildren .....but five including a couple of unrelated children would be too much for many even without a 25 minute commute to and from school for them) )

It would seem we are involved in the same threads rather than following each other...at least I would hope that is the explanation.

To the case in point...

The nub of this seems to be that the OP is unable to independently financially support herself and her children which leaves her 2 options...

1. She keeps looking to her partner to provide for her.

2. She looks to the taxpayer to provide for her.

On the basis of the information provided and, making some assumptions about her partners willingness to take her and her children on officially, I would suggest option 2 is the more viable long-term path.

duchy

username12345678 wrote: »

It would seem we are involved in the same threads rather than following each other...at least I would hope that is the explanation.

To the case in point...

The nub of this seems to be that the OP is unable to independently financially support herself and her children which leaves her 2 options...

1. She keeps looking to her partner to provide for her.

2. She looks to the taxpayer to provide for her.

On the basis of the information provided and, making some assumptions about her partners willingness to take her and her children on officially, I would suggest option 2 is the more viable long-term path.

I'm not sure I agree as the OP has stated she was offered jobs but had to decline them as she had childcare for her own children but not her partner's children as their school drop offs are 25 minutes away (near their mother's home where they live the other half of the week presumably) and also mentioned her tax credits are reduced because there is another earning adult in the household.

With the ability to work and full tax credits it appears she would be better off at this point living with just her children. Whilst before all her children were at school this arrangement may have suited both of them and made financial sense and enabled her partner to reduce his child maintenance for his children with them staying 4 nights rather than 2 now her kids are older and working is possible with the kids at school and their grandparents taking up the slack it may no longer make the most sense financially .

Whether the budget can be reshuffled to enable her to work and his children to have adequate provision that 4 nights still makes sense or not is a huge part of this and depends on willingness on all sides to make it work but if she feels her children are disadvantaged by the current arrangement then something has to change....be that freeing her from ferrying his children to and from school or a change in living arrangements .

I am not saying she should leave him ......I am saying that presently all the advantages seem to be one sided (and I'm a huge advocate that if a stay at home parent wants to work it should be made possible not just from a financial viewpoint but also as an example in work ethic to children too). She shouldn't be prevented from working and earning her own income just because it doesn't fit in with the other parent and his children's school runs. I do wonder how he managed before she moved in .

The other side is that bonds have formed in this blended family so finances may not be the only important consideration .

esmy

DUTR wrote: »

Come on! You must run a home yourself, council tax water rates , energy grocery, commuting costs come to over £150 a week, and that's before other bills that may have been forgotten about.

That's why I quoted the OPs figures.........

cheeky-peach

I would simply say...

“I’ve been offered a job which will benefit the whole household financially if I take it which I’m going to do... my mum / dad can sort of the school run for (children’s name) so we, together, need to come up with a plan for (other children’s names). I’m really excited about this as it means we will have more financial freedom and I can provide more for the children.”

Comms69

Clairybear wrote: »

Hi all. First of all Thankyou for reading. I just wanted a bit of advice and reassurance that I feel the way I feel.
Me and my Partner live together. I have 3 children from a previous relationship and he has 2, his 2 children stay with us 2 nights per week and every other weekend.
My partner has the potential to earn more than me, he works nights, so I have all the children and do the school runs. These circumstances heavily restrict me from gaining employment and I’ve had to turn jobs down due to the hours (where I am needed for the school run, school holidays etc) my parents can look after my children whenever I need it so it’s more to do with his children that I am so heavily restricted.
At the moment I work one night per week (5 hours) and get around £45
I get £96 per week in child tax and child benefit (which has an amount taken off due to my partners earnings last year)
He earns roughly 500 pw.
He pays all the household bills, and I buy the food for the household, my children’s lunch money, and fuel in my car (to cover all school runs)
Am I being unreasonable in getting annoyed that I cannot buy my children clothes from child tax and child benefit, and that I am really struggling and left with next to nothing each week?
He pays his ex wife 30 a week to maintain his children yet I feel I am restricted heavily for maintaining his children to enable him to earn , is this right? Am I right to be annoyed? If we order a takeaway I am expected to pay half towards it. With Christmas coming up he is buying the big presents. I mentioned buying my children clothes and wrapping them up (as I should do this all year around) but then he mentioned how it will look like his children have less. He is able to buy his children uniforms whenever they need them yet I had to put my daughter in holy tights for three days for school until I got paid. Is this right? And if so how would I go about broaching the subject? I will be showing him these replies to this thread. The house is in his name (mortgage) and he had a cohabitation agreement done when me and my children moved in. The other week he gave me his bank card when I took my mum shopping to get his and his children packed lunch items.. on that very same shopping trip I had to borrow money from my mum to get a few bits for myself. Am I being unreasonable??? It’s at the point where I feel me and my children are second rate to him and his children and I’m harbouring a lot of resentment. Am I in the wrong for feeling this way?
I’m sorry for ranting on I would just like some clarity

Thanks again for reading.
😁

Why is he paying so little in maintenance?

Happier_Me

Sit him down and show him how much he's paying out each week and what he has left and vice versa. Show him how unequal the financial side of this relationship is.

Then tell him as he is unprepared to blend the family's finances you have no choice but to get a full time job. Tell him you have sorted out the childcare for your children and he will need to make similar arrangements for his own. If he can't then he needs to renegotiate his days with their mother. YOU are not responsible for his children, he is.

HampshireH

Why is he paying so little in maintenance

Valid question (csa calculator would be £48p/w) but irrelevant to the OPs problem :undecided

Except potentially pointing out things could be worse

Clairybear

Thanks for your comments. I do clothe my children but sometimes they have to wait. I was referring to a takeaway we had several weeks ago on one child’s (his child’s) birthday as a treat
We spoke in depth yesterday and we agreed that the child contact arrangement with his children needs altering, which in turn will enable me to work. I was able to tell him exactly how hard is has been and the resentment I hold, he then told me he held resentment too that I am home all the time.
My parents would quite happily look after his children but his ex wife wouldn’t allow that. They have to be here. And as for him calling her a psycho, he hasn’t, ever.. it’s me that calls her a psycho because she uses the children as weapons (which court saw straight through luckily.)
We have now agreed he will help with food and after Christmas we will have a bank account purely for kids and household.
As for the rest of his money I have no clue as to where it goes as I don’t ask. I have applied for lots of jobs so hopefully will hear something back real soon.