Housekeeping money from partner?

Clairybear

Haha I thought the same before I met her, she is slightly mentally unhinged to be completely honest ����

Sambella

You are basically are what is known in the CMS world as a second family.

Essentailly you get tax credits based on his wage and yours and told that yu are entitled to xxx then along comes CMS and calculates that from his gross wage. If he didn't have 2 other kids you would have another £30 pounds a week in your household budget consisting of pay and benefits.

As it is you are left short of what the DWP has calculated your family NEEDS as he pays cms. BUT you also get nothing for when his kids come to stay and his contribution is not counted. So 2 days per week you and your partner have FIVE kids to feed, shelter etc. That costs money too, money which you dont get so he pays CMS to help get his first kids out of poverty and in return five kids are in poverty when all are with you two days a week. Does this solve poverty for all, NO! It,s akin to an x child policy for NRP's.

We will never fix poverty for all if this carries on. CMS only ever moves upwards for NRP's.

It is not logical to pay to make some kids a bit better off if it makes other kids worse off and his own kids poorer when with him. The CMS and DWP are completely contradictory here.

This situation has been known about for a long time and nothing is done to fix it and it has partly happened because the CMS formula has not been uprated since 1998.

Ther country is outraged over government cuts to UC but single parents are given money from people on UC/tax credit too.

It is certainly a moral issue but I feel that as there are children involved both families should at least get their full entitlement and his care of the children 2 days per week should be counted as his contribution taking into account that he has costs when they come to stay.


New Zealand's child support system seems a lot fairer to NRP's as both RP and NRP have an allowance of $19,995 taken off their gross when working out child support. For NRP's in the UK they start paying begin when they earn just £7.

https://www.ird.govt.nz/childsupport/assessment/assess/examples/example-four/

Most of the country has been in uproar over benefit cuts etc but here we have tax credits being paid and then virtually handed over to someone else.

The DWP/CMS know all about this but do nothing.

I know many won't agree with me beacuse of the moral issue but benefits are only paid because you are deemed NOT to earn enough for your immediate household so it makes no sense to make your family poorer than you should be especially when there are children in the family.

All that said, the situation is what it is and yourself and your partner need to look at what is left after everything is paid and distribute it more fairly but the child benefit for your kids should be yours separately and allocated towards their clothes.

Could you work school hours? Work on the days his kids are not there, 3 days per week?, could he change his shifts to a more family friendly one?

To sucessfully be a second family yourself and your partner need to be on the same page as it can be very tough.

Fireflyaway

Are the kids all school age? If so and I were in your situation id find a job around school hours, then you will have your own money and do what you need to do with it. Look for a job thats 9;30am to 2;30pm. Term time only if holidays are an issue. Might take a while to find something but it's possible. This way you won't feel dependence on someone else and will have more money in your pocket.
Do you and your partner do a written budget? Do you each have allocated spending money etc? Could it be your partner doesn't realise how the money thing effects you? I know my husband has no clue how much things cost.
I do understand how you might feel used. Looking after a house and kids and doing chores and stressing about money isn't easy. Unless your partner has tried it he probably does appreciate just how tiring it can be.
Don't fall out over money though. Not worth it! Sit down together and agree a new plan.

duchy

I'd tell him you are fed up with not having enough for you and the kids so you are now seriously considering fulltime work. Explain what that will mean in terms of childcare costs for HIS kids and YOURS separately and explain it seems fair you each shoulder the cost separately (termtime and holidays) for your own children. See how he reacts . Having a partner shouldn't leave you worse off emotionally or financially- you aren't an unpaid nanny for his children.
You aren't asking for housekeeping though , you aren't a housekeeper.

pinkshoes

It's quite simple.

You TELL him you are getting a full time job and that he will need to pay his share of £X a week for a nanny to do the school run.

If he refuses then tell show him the figures and say the current budget does not work, so you would like him to pay £80 a week towards the food too.

If he refuses, consider showing him the door.

Marvel1

pinkshoes wrote: »

If he refuses, consider showing him the door.

It maybe the other way round, as OP mentions house is in his name and mortgage

Serious: this is not a partnership, someons to look after his kids and friend with benefits.

74jax

I'm confused with the children sorry.

He has one child he pays 30 a week for.

You have 3 children - none are his - their dad doesn't pay anything to you but your partner who you live with pays all the household bills for you, him and the 3 children.

You don't have any kids together.

Is this right?

esmy

So according to your figures he earns £500 pw, pays household bills of £150 a week plus £30 pw maintenance. Where is the rest of the money going????

DUTR

esmy wrote: »

So according to your figures he earns £500 pw, pays household bills of £150 a week plus £30 pw maintenance. Where is the rest of the money going????

Come on! You must run a home yourself, council tax water rates , energy grocery, commuting costs come to over £150 a week, and that's before other bills that may have been forgotten about.

Gloomendoom

Takeaways and cannot afford to clothe my children in the same post?