Housekeeping money from partner?

Loanranger

You haven't mentioned how much a week you get from your children's father.

Clairybear

We had spoken about this, on and off for the past couple of years.. it becomes about how he is shattered from providing to pay all the bills and obviously keeping his ex wife appeased wth the kids etc (she’s a psychopath)
I get he doesn’t want a joint account , his ex wife completely bled him dry and he ended up with nothing, but to be even offered help on occasion would be nice, or to offer to help with kids clothes. He bought his children items for their packed lunches on one occasion ( I usually include packed lunch items in the weekly shop.. and they’re on free dinners as well but again his ex wife is a psycho) my son went to the fridge to get a snack and he was asking him what he was getting.. it seemed to me like he was checking he wasn’t eating any of ‘his’ children’s stuff.
We had a conversation the other day and he said ‘I don’t know what I’m going to do about my kids xmas presents, not about the money, I just don’t know what they want’
I am just so resentful right now. I plan on speaking to him (hopefully in a calm manner) this afternoon to tell him I honestly believe this whole set up is unfair. So fingers crossed we get a good outcome. I don’t want to go on shopping sprees with his money, I just want to provide for my kids and I feel I can’t do that properly at the moment. :-(

Spendless

He needs to share his money a lot more than he is doing.

Also if all the children are at school, there's no reason why you can't look for a job during day hours, and find childcare for anything outside of school times.

Clairybear

I have never received a penny from my children’s father in all the years we have been apart. He was a violent alcoholic. CSA told me I would have to pay to get a payment arrangement set up but I would get £5 per week!! As he is on benefits, So I didn’t bother. I don’t see him nor speak to him as I have a restraining order against him (he shattered my eye socket and knocked my teeth out)
We arranged supervised contact but he has never turned up to see them for the past 5 years.

Loanranger

The lack of support from your children's father, for whatever good reasons, may cause resentment from your partner. Have you spoken about how he feels about that?

Clairybear

I have had lots of job interviews, even landed positions which I’ve had to turn down, as I have school runs and not only that his children live with their mother a 25 minute drive away (so school is a 25 minute drive)
A lot of jobs are asking for flexibility. I have had agency work which are night shifts usually and I’m currently looking for a job that will fit round the kids. It’s like I do everything for us as a family unit, I clean cook wash, school runs, go to college twice a week to further myself and become self employed and fit work around our situation;but for example i earned a bit more last week and it was like I had to explain where it went (it went on my children some trainers for xmas which they’ve needed for months) he doesn’t tell me where his money goes and I wouldn’t ask. I just feel the situation is one sided at times

Clairybear

That’s a really valid point about him being resentful for my children’s father not supporting them, and I will certainly ask him about that, Thankyou x

sheramber

When does he get in from nightshift?

Can he not do some of the school run , either morning before he goes to bed or the afternoon after he wakes up?

Can the children go to breakfast club, after school club to allow you to work?

You should have joint account for the household expenses. Work out how much a month is needed and transfer that to the joint account

What is left from his and your pay should then be divided between you.

If he is not prepared to support you and your children while you support his then why are you in this so called partnership?
He has it all and you have very little.

You do need to sit down and talk and sort a better arrangement.

Mummy2cheekymonkeys

It certainly sounds like he has the attitude of your kids vs his kids. Tell him if he wants to continue to act in that way, you will too. You already said your parents will watch your children so get them to do that while you get a part time job to earn the money to buy them what you think they need and he can sort out childcare arrangements for HIS children!

dancing_star

Amazing how many ex wives are apparently 'psychos' after being good enough to have multiple children with!