Housekeeping money from partner?

Doodles

One possibility is to both sit down to cost out various scenarios. If you are becoming resentful, then this relationship isn't working as well as it should be, so you need to find a solution that feels more balanced.

One of those scenarios is whether you would be financially better off if you did not live together.


I agree with another poster who suggested you go back to work full/part time, with your parents picking up the afterschool child care, and your partner needs to sort out the childcare for his own kids.

I do think the childcare with its related costs should be down to him and his ex to sort out.

In differently blended families such as yours, I think it can be difficult to find a perfect solution or balance and compromise usually has to be made.

Personally, I think you should tell your partner that you ARE going back to work as financially this current situation doesn't work for you. Then see how the rest of the conversation and options go.

dawyldthing

You need to work out a plan for when his children are with you so that he feeds them/ helps towards petrol and the like for ferrying them about. If your feeding 5 of you I bet your not far off paying £100 a week on food.

The other thing is to possibly get a weekend job as then as your doing the childcare in the week he can do it at the weekend

HampshireH

Might sound daft but do the current access arrangements work for his kids?

You are doing both school runs and he is going to work so you are also doing an 8 to 12 hour night shift caring for them. When do they benefit from staying with him in the week? Are they spending their whole time with you?

Why can he not do the after school run before he goes to work and you do the morning one so he can sleep (sounds fair)

I would be telling him you need to work, not only for the money but the social and mental aspect.

I would not be dictated to about the xmas gifts/wrapping up clothes and his kids getting less because I'm sure their mum will also be giving them gifts whilst your kids dad isnt. Remind him of that.

Red-Squirrel_2

Mojisola wrote: »

He's winning out all along the way - pays less CM and is able to work fulltime because of the childcare you provide for free - while you lose out by not being able to work and having your benefits reduced because of his income.

Absolutely this.

Your children are classed as his dependents, reducing his CM costs and your income, but he's not treating them as such.

Red-Squirrel_2

Clairybear wrote: »

keeping his ex wife appeased wth the kids etc (she’s a psychopath)

I bet she's not.

Be aware that he will almost certainly talk about you the same way if you separate.

Spendless

HampshireH wrote: »

You are doing both school runs and he is going to work so you are also doing an 8 to 12 hour night shift caring for them. When do they benefit from staying with him in the week? Are they spending their whole time with you?

This is a good point. Why are the step-kids spending 2 weekday nights with you when their Dad is working on a night shift? It seems a bit daft that you are being restricted workwise, so you can take step-kids to a different school when they aren't getting to see their Dad when they stay because he's at work.

You need to look at changing this to something that works better for all of you.

Brighton_belle

Mojisola wrote: »

He's winning out all along the way - pays less CM and is able to work fulltime because of the childcare you provide for free - while you lose out by not being able to work and having your benefits reduced because of his income.

Yes, you are also missing out on work pension contributions. He's going to be a lot better off than you in old age at this rate.

enthusiasticsaver

Your income is £140 per week less the food bill/school lunches for 3 kids and fuel for your car. How much does that leave you with? How much have you lost due to OHs wages? Your Oh earns £500 a week and after paying maintenance and household bills is lef5 with £320 per week. I am guessing you may be left with around £10 or £20 to cover your personal expenses and clothes, gifts, entertainment etc for your kids. Half the problem is no maintenance from your ex and the other half is you are restricted hours wise for work due to his kids and yours, your benefits have been reduced due to your DPs earnings and If he cannot see how unfair that is then there may be no future for you as a couple. I agree that the way to go is maybe look for work you can fit in around your kids schedule unless your parents can help. I would hesitate to go too far down the route of you not taking his kids into account as he is supporting all of you with bills, mortgage etc. I don't think you should be using your child benefit to pay for household food.

username12345678

1. Explain exactly what you want

2. Move out and support yourself if he will not agree

duchy

So he has the kids sleep at his home for two midweek nights so he pays less child support but you are the one picking up and dropping them ? And paying for their food ?
How much time does he spend with them during these midweek stays ?

He seems very canny at playing the system to *his* financial benefit but possibly to the detriment of his ex, you and possibly his kids.

You aren't married and its his house so you and your children have no security if he ended the relationship tomorrow. Why on earth are you allowing yourself and your kids to lose out financially to suit him /