Housekeeping money from partner?

Clairybear

Hi all. First of all Thankyou for reading. I just wanted a bit of advice and reassurance that I feel the way I feel.
Me and my Partner live together. I have 3 children from a previous relationship and he has 2, his 2 children stay with us 2 nights per week and every other weekend.
My partner has the potential to earn more than me, he works nights, so I have all the children and do the school runs. These circumstances heavily restrict me from gaining employment and I’ve had to turn jobs down due to the hours (where I am needed for the school run, school holidays etc) my parents can look after my children whenever I need it so it’s more to do with his children that I am so heavily restricted.
At the moment I work one night per week (5 hours) and get around £45
I get £96 per week in child tax and child benefit (which has an amount taken off due to my partners earnings last year)
He earns roughly 500 pw.
He pays all the household bills, and I buy the food for the household, my children’s lunch money, and fuel in my car (to cover all school runs)
Am I being unreasonable in getting annoyed that I cannot buy my children clothes from child tax and child benefit, and that I am really struggling and left with next to nothing each week?
He pays his ex wife 30 a week to maintain his children yet I feel I am restricted heavily for maintaining his children to enable him to earn , is this right? Am I right to be annoyed? If we order a takeaway I am expected to pay half towards it. With Christmas coming up he is buying the big presents. I mentioned buying my children clothes and wrapping them up (as I should do this all year around) but then he mentioned how it will look like his children have less. He is able to buy his children uniforms whenever they need them yet I had to put my daughter in holy tights for three days for school until I got paid. Is this right? And if so how would I go about broaching the subject? I will be showing him these replies to this thread. The house is in his name (mortgage) and he had a cohabitation agreement done when me and my children moved in. The other week he gave me his bank card when I took my mum shopping to get his and his children packed lunch items.. on that very same shopping trip I had to borrow money from my mum to get a few bits for myself. Am I being unreasonable??? It’s at the point where I feel me and my children are second rate to him and his children and I’m harbouring a lot of resentment. Am I in the wrong for feeling this way?
I’m sorry for ranting on I would just like some clarity

Thanks again for reading.
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[purplesignup][/purplesignup]

gettingtheresometime

My first thought is are you actually in a relationship or are you just friends with benefits?

Mojisola

Clairybear wrote: »

I’m harbouring a lot of resentment.

I'm not surprised!

You're being used as an unpaid nanny to his children.

Clairybear

We are supposed to be in a relationship, yes. And I do feel like an unpaid nanny and housekeeper. He does work bloody hard to earn money to pay all the household bills (including my car insurance) and is loving and caring in any other way just this really tees me off and I’m getting to the point where I can’t cope anymore. I just feel like saying get someone else to watch your children so I can go and earn. It’s just when my kids haven’t been bought clothes for months as I have to use it to buy the food for the house it really hacks me off. :-(

Mojisola

Clairybear wrote: »

We are supposed to be in a relationship, yes.

I just feel like saying get someone else to watch your children so I can go and earn.

It’s just when my kids haven’t been bought clothes for months as I have to use it to buy the food for the house it really hacks me off.

If he can't see that this isn't right, he isn't all that loving and caring.

LilElvis

How much a week does he have after paying the motrgage, household bills and child maintenance? I bet it's not that unequal as, apart from food, he's paying for all the household - including providing a house for three children who aren't his responsibility.

TonyMMM

You may be in a relationship, but you are not in a partnership.

Clairybear

I get that, I really do. And the household bills including the mortgage is around 150 per week. The reason why he only pays £30 in child maintenance to his partner is because he has my children here as so called ‘dependants’ and my child tax has now had a reduction because he earned over the threshold last year. This is the quandary I am in. My biggest bug bear is that I am not even offered help if I have nothing, even borrowed and paid back on one occasion. He wouldn’t be able to work at all if I didn’t look after his children, and is also the reason I cannot get a full time job as I have no flexibility. Thankyou for your reply tho as I didn’t want a barrage of abuse for my partner and you’ve given food for thought which is constructive. X

Mojisola

Clairybear wrote: »

And the household bills including the mortgage is around 150 per week. The reason why he only pays £30 in child maintenance to his partner is because he has my children here as so called ‘dependants’ and my child tax has now had a reduction because he earned over the threshold last year.

He wouldn’t be able to work at all if I didn’t look after his children, and is also the reason I cannot get a full time job as I have no flexibility.

He's winning out all along the way - pays less CM and is able to work fulltime because of the childcare you provide for free - while you lose out by not being able to work and having your benefits reduced because of his income.

You need a serious heart-to-heart - either the money coming into the household is shared more evenly or he needs to pay for carers for his children so that you can get back to work.

PrettyKittyKat

In your circumstances the finances should not be as separate as they are. I think you need a joint account that is a 'household account.' The child benefits and an agreed set amount proportional to your wages is paid in each month / week (however you are paid) which covers all household bills, child expenses and food bills etc. It is up to you whether you include car insurances, fuel etc. It would also be wise to factor in a monthly amount to be saved for xmas gifts for all the children (same amount for all), holidays (if you have them), emergency savings etc. You can then use your own money to pay your own expenses, treats for yourself (e.g. coffee out with a friend) or extra treats for your own children if you wish.

To me it seems that it is just a case of not really sitting down and working out the best way to do things rather than any vindictive. Have you spoken to him about how you feel?

Pixiedust22

You either get a joint account, no more "his" and "your" money, or he finds alternative childcare for his kids.