Life changing issue and I do not what to do

Username91

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Not to me - the longer she could keep the pregnancy hidden from him - then the further "gone" she would be and she'd have a greater and greater excuse to "run out of time" for an abortion the longer the pregnancy had gone on for.

She brings this up all the time, like it's 3 months and that she won't do this now.

hazyjo

Username91 wrote: »

I said to her that I am willing to pay the financial support without saying that I want a paternity test first but she stands by her two options of getting involved and moving in or forgetting about it and just go. Now I went to speak to her again, I know she has been off from work due to sickness and she threaten saying she will go to all my friends from Facebook and my father and tell them about the child if I don't get involved. (she added some of my friends despite of never meeting them)

Are you 27 or 17? Just wondering if there's a typo in there.

Get in first then. Tell people. Put your own bloody FB announcement up saying you've just heard you're going to be a daddy. I don't care if it wasn't planned, if this is real then there is going to be a baby at the end of this. If you turn out to be the father, then you have rights to see and support that child.

https://www.livestrong.com/article/140913-what-rights-do-fathers-have-if-they-are-not-birth-record/

OP must be quite the catch if she's trying to force him to move in with her and a baby. On what planet would she think that's the basis for a relationship to work? Doesn't really make sense to me. Might as well move in then, register the birth together, then f*** off and sort out visiting rights.

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Not to me - the longer she could keep the pregnancy hidden from him - then the further "gone" she would be and she'd have a greater and greater excuse to "run out of time" for an abortion the longer the pregnancy had gone on for.

Why would it matter if she told him at 6 weeks or 12 weeks? I don't understand why she needs a 'greater excuse' not to have an abortion. If I told my OH I was pregnant and he wanted me to have a termination, my answer would be 'no'. I can't see what difference it would make waiting until 12 weeks. Abortions can be performed up to 24 weeks anyway.

moneyistooshorttomention

Username91 wrote: »

She brings this up all the time, like it's 3 months and that she won't do this now.

...and she'll doubtless be telling everyone she knows that she is pregnant/that far gone/etc - precisely so that they would also join her in pressurising you to do whatever she wants.

She does sound a pretty nasty sort of person and a user - so, whatever else you decide to do, you need to steer as wide a berth as possible from her.

Believe me - a woman who genuinely doesn't intend to get pregnant simply doesn't forget to take the Pill religiously. When I was on it for some years - that packet was sitting there on my pillow on my bed so that there was absolutely no way I would ever forget. I had to pick it up and take the one for that day before I could get into my bed.

candygirl

I know you'll still be in shock, n it's a difficult situation all round.However if you know you definitely don't want to be with her, all you can do now is wait until the baby is born, then have a DNA test, and takes things from there.
She will probably contact the CSA, who will work out what you need to pay , and contact will have to be agreed between you both, failing that the courts will decide when you can have contact .
It's so sad that a baby's coming into the world, with the parents already at loggerheads

Rubik

I'd be REALLY interested to hear her side of the story...

moneyistooshorttomention

candygirl wrote: »

It's so sad that a baby's coming into the world, with the parents already at loggerheads

Which is a thing she should have certainly thought of before she decided to "forget" to take some of the Pills.

What are women like this thinking of to just go ahead and have a baby without the man also deciding to be a parent? They are certainly not thinking of the poor child that's for sure.

Every child deserves to have two loving parents - ie both of them had made the decision to have a child together. Children need fathers - and any woman that makes such an important decision on her own is certainly being far too selfish to care very much about the poor child she is planning to bring into the world on her own:mad: A father (in every sense of the word) is not an optional extra.

Red-Squirrel_2

Rubik wrote: »

I'd be REALLY interested to hear her side of the story...

Lol, lets see how good the OP is at switching characters!

Slashy

Username91 wrote: »

I said to her that I am willing to pay the financial support without saying that I want a paternity test first but she stands by her two options of getting involved and moving in or forgetting about it and just go. Now I went to speak to her again, I know she has been off from work due to sickness and she threaten saying she will go to all my friends from Facebook and my father and tell them about the child if I don't get involved. (she added some of my friends despite of never meeting them)

It's not exactly something you're going to be able to hide anyway.

Slashy

Username91 wrote: »

Because I think there are decent human beings and you do not have to assume all the time that you controlling everything will keep you safe. You use the condom and then you take it home with you just to make sure nothing will happen and you do this for a year and the other person should be fine with that. I refuse to live based on being too paranoid.

We both did STI tests more than a year ago, I went to the doctor with her and she got the pills and for over a year she kept taking them and then she missed a few.

According to the NHS website (wont let me link) the pill is 99% effective with perfect use and 91% effective with typical use. You must take responsability for your own decisions, even with perfect ue, she could still have gotten pregnant.

hazyjo

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Every child deserves to have two loving parents - ie both of them had made the decision to have a child together. Children need fathers...

Plenty of capable loving single parents out there. Some lost partners through bereavement, mental illness, tragedy, others through choice. Don't you think tgdwpd capable of bringing up a child well? And the kids are sometimes better off with just one!

Children do not *need* fathers. Bonus if they have a good one, but not essential. And what about gay couples?