Life changing issue and I do not what to do

Slashy

Believe me - a woman who genuinely doesn't intend to get pregnant simply doesn't forget to take the Pill religiously.

Believe me - a man who genuinely doesn't intend to get a woman pregnant simply doesn't forget to wear a condom religiously.

What are women like this thinking of to just go ahead and have a baby without the man also deciding to be a parent? They are certainly not thinking of the poor child that's for sure.

Every child deserves to have two loving parents - ie both of them had made the decision to have a child together.

He decided that he wouldn't mind being a parent when he chose not to wear a condom.


So much misogyny and she must have trapped him on this thread. He chose to finish inside her with no barrier protection knowing that the pill is not 100% effective. He needs to take responsibility instead of blaming her as if she if the only one to blame.

moneyistooshorttomention

hazyjo wrote: »

Plenty of capable loving single parents out there. Some lost partners through bereavement, mental illness, tragedy, others through choice. Don't you think tgdwpd capable of bringing up a child well? And the kids are sometimes better off with just one!

Children do not *need* fathers. Bonus if they have a good one, but not essential. And what about gay couples?

Obviously I'm taking it as read that some single parent families didn't set out to be that way - ie it was a couple (both of whom had decided to have a child), etc, etc and then Life Happened (eg death, divorce, etc).

But this woman has set out at the outset to be a single parent basically - and that I do disagree with. She never got his consent to a pregnancy/she hadn't established he was going to stick around and "be a Father".

So - yes that child is going to be born without ever having had a Father in the first place. Add that it says a lot about a persons temperament (ie a gold star in selfishness) if they make such a big decision all on their own and only considering themselves right from Day 1 and not even considering the child.

The way some women go on and make a decision all on their own to be a parent (with apparently less consideration given than to making a consumer purchase) doesn't augur well for the future and a "deliberate single parent" woman had better brace herself for the fact that that child might well turn round at adult age and tell her a few short/sharp and long overdue Home Truths. I think these women are hoping for rather a lot and being totally unrealistic that the child (once adult) will turn round and accept some anodyne words of "I had you on my own deliberately because I knew I would so love you - and I do". They might well find themselves getting some very harsh words back from that adult child instead.

FBaby

goodwithsaving wrote: »

You do realise that the pill isn't 100% effective, right? And you are placing this all on her but it takes two people to create a baby.
Why not just talk to her and discuss it sensibly.

It's got nothing to do with failure of the pill (which amazingly almost always seem to happen when the man doesn't want a child but the the woman is totally against abortion and amazingly always happy after all...) but with the lies.

In all likelihood, OP was indeed tricked...becsusexwomen can do to get what they want and some have no shame to use that power.

OP, you've got three choices, take deep breath, don't challenge her on anything, go along with her to an extent (short of getting back with her) and then hope that time soften things and she becomes more reasonable. Or walk away now and accept that an innocent party will be penalised and that you'll have to pay maintenance, or use the legal rights you have to be what she made you've, a good dad by taking her to court when the baby is born and old enough. You'll have to accept that this would cost money and would be a very slow process as all you'd most liekly be granted to start with his supervised visits with hernat worse or short times alo e with the baby.

This might sound daunting but the same thing happened to one of my previous colleague when he was at Uni. At first he was going to pretend it had never happened but after the baby was born decided he should do the right thing. He had years of battle in courts much money paid (thankfully him helped by his family) but he manged to build a relationship with his daughter and over time mum finally acepted he wasn't going away. As life is, he never met someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with until he was 35 and his partner was 10 years older. They never had children together so his DD is his only child. They are now very close and is planning to come and move with them. He couldn't imagine his life without her.

Life and destiny is a funny thing.

BrassicWoman

Username91 wrote: »

She brings this up all the time, like it's 3 months and that she won't do this now.

"All the time" and it's been 2 or 3 days?

FBaby

Slashy wrote: »

Believe me - a man who genuinely doesn't intend to get a woman pregnant simply doesn't forget to wear a condom religiously.



He decided that he wouldn't mind being a parent when he chose not to wear a condom.


So much misogyny and she must have trapped him on this thread. He chose to finish inside her with no barrier protection knowing that the pill is not 100% effective. He needs to take responsibility instead of blaming her as if she if the only one to blame.

Some people are not getting it. It's not that he absolutely didn't want to become a father, it's that he didn't really want to be a dad now with this woman and naively assumed that his partner could be trusted because you have to be a real selfish cow to trap a man into parenthood. What many men don't realise is that broodiness is one of the most powerful selfish emotion and women experiencing a high dose of it will put aside their moral compass to attain what every vibe their body is asking for.

What I'm reading is that OP, despite his shock at the betrayal is in the process of accepting that he is becoming a father, but sadly, if it wasn't bad enough to trap him into parenthood, this woman is again only thinking of her and what she wants rather than what is best for her future child which is to do everything to help OP coming to terms with becoming a dad rather than blackmailing him into still being in a relationship with her.

Dreadful!

Sunshinesally

All that matters is the child. In my opinion your main concern should be ensuring you can prove paternity and then getting your name on the birth certificate, otherwise you may have no legal rights.

I would get legal advice ASAP and construct a time plan of how you can put this into action. You don't want her threatening you with not placing your name on birth certificate out of spite, neither do you want her naming you without a paternity test.
I don't know if you can demand a paternity test or not but you might have to play along with her for a bit just to get the paternity test done. I understand that you feel tricked but you have to put that to one side. Get legal advice.

Mojisola

Sunshinesally wrote: »

You don't want her threatening you with not placing your name on birth certificate out of spite, neither do you want her naming you without a paternity test.

An unmarried mother can't put a father's name on the birth certificate without his consent - he has to be present or have signed the required forms.

Claddagh_Noir

thorsoak wrote: »

Yes - it was suggested ....but I find it sad that today, sex comes before a relationship, before trust has been shared - but there again, I'm old :cool:

I agree. The first thing that rang alarm bells for me was the fact that the OP had to keep asking whether or not his partner had taken her pill. Relationships and sex are supposed to be based on trust.

Slashy

How are people still blaming her?

The OP took precisely NO responsibility for contraception. Asking if she took the pill is not taking responsibility. If something is so important then you take no chances.

According to some of the people here he had no choice in this. He chose to finish knowing pregnancy was a possibility.

Claddagh_Noir

Slashy wrote: »

How are people still blaming her?

The OP took precisely NO responsibility for contraception. Asking if she took the pill is not taking responsibility. If something is so important then you take no chances.

According to some of the people here he had no choice in this. He chose to finish knowing pregnancy was a possibility.

Maybe he entrusted her to take her pill. Maybe if this was a dalliance he should have worn a condom. I am not sure if it was mentioned if this was an exclusive committed relationship, but either way, it doesn't matter because look at the predicament he is in now.