Life changing issue and I do not what to do

dawyldthing

She has known for at least the last 2-3 weeks as it takes a few weeks to get in to see the midwife and then book in for the 12 week scan from what I’ve experienced.

While not ideal (I’m not currently with the father of the baby I’m carrying) it might still be worth sending cards each birthday/ Christmas even if she plays hardball of you not being able to see the kid as hopefully the lil one will get it and still know you care

Red-Squirrel_2

Mojisola wrote: »

If the dna isn't a match and she still tries to get you to pay maintenance, you will need an official test done which is more expensive.

He said she doesn't want any financial support unless he moves in with her.

Redlady.....

OP, why do you keep ignoring the condom question? Surely if you are so against having children you would have taken responsibility for not getting your lady pregnant?

And before you say 'but she's tricked me, that's why I'm upset, I trusted her' it still doesn't answer the condom question.

Username91

Redlady..... wrote: »

OP, why do you keep ignoring the condom question? Surely if you are so against having children you would have taken responsibility for not getting your lady pregnant?

And before you say 'but she's tricked me, that's why I'm upset, I trusted her' it still doesn't answer the condom question.

Because I think there are decent human beings and you do not have to assume all the time that you controlling everything will keep you safe. You use the condom and then you take it home with you just to make sure nothing will happen and you do this for a year and the other person should be fine with that. I refuse to live based on being too paranoid.

We both did STI tests more than a year ago, I went to the doctor with her and she got the pills and for over a year she kept taking them and then she missed a few.

Username91

Fireflyaway wrote: »

The fact she didn't tell you until 3 months pregnant makes me believe she isn't that bothered about what you think. I remember finding out I was pregnant, the hours dragged until my husband came home that night. I couldn't wait to tell him he was going to be a father!
The demands and smirking makes me think she did trick you and doesn't respect your feelings. Maybe she was banking on you coming round to the idea.
As others say, don't make any important decisions until you are a bit calmer. Don't let her push you around and dictate what you must do.
I worked with a woman who set out to trick someone into getting her pregnant. I felt sorry for the guy but sorry that the child had purposely been denied a dad because the guy didn't have anything to do with the baby. Even though shocked and upset you have set your mind to support the child. That's pretty cool.
I'd seek legal advice because it sounds as though she might make it hard for you to have contact with the child. It would be sad for the child to grow up wrongly thinking you don't care.
Whatever happens I'm sure you will find a way forward. Maybe there is a support group for single dad's that might help?

She knows for weeks probably. I was always really calm when talking to her and passed on the fact that she decided all by herself, first to answer honestly to my question if she took the pills and then to decide that I should not know asap.

What's worst is being so dishonest about something like this and I can't just look at her. The worst is that she knew the risks and decided not to tell me thinking it would be fine. Now I replied back to her that I would still carry on knowing she did not take a few pills and she said that I would definetely won't.

She texted me saying she feels sorry if I feel emotionally trapped and she would change everything if she could go back. That doesn't change anything at all.

Mojisola

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

He said she doesn't want any financial support unless he moves in with her.

People change their mind - when she realises that he isn't going to move in, she may decide to take every penny she can get from him.

moneyistooshorttomention

Mummy2cheekymonkeys wrote: »

What I'm confused about is that you have been in a relationship with this woman for over a year so not just a fling. Yet she waits until she is 3 months pregnant before telling you? Normally you wait until 3 months to tell wider family and friends but your partner and father of the child would find out as soon as you find out surely? I'm also assuming that if 3 months pregnant she has had a scan. Weird that she would keep this all to herself.

Not to me - the longer she could keep the pregnancy hidden from him - then the further "gone" she would be and she'd have a greater and greater excuse to "run out of time" for an abortion the longer the pregnancy had gone on for.

Comms69

Mojisola wrote: »

That will put your mind at rest that the child is definitely yours.

If the dna isn't a match and she still tries to get you to pay maintenance, you will need an official test done which is more expensive.

It's free if he isn't the father

Mojisola

Comms69 wrote: »

It's free if he isn't the father

AIUI, the putative father has to pay upfront and it's refunded if the child isn't his - so the man has to fund the test first.

Username91

Mojisola wrote: »

People change their mind - when she realises that he isn't going to move in, she may decide to take every penny she can get from him.

She is quite threatening at the moment anyway so her behaviour is worrying and I will not be surprised if she will try to blackmail me emotionally or financially.

I tried to talk to her and it's all okay until I say that I will not move in under any circumstances because she decided for me in a matter that it was the decision of the both of us. As soon as I say this she starts threatening.