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Homophobic gossip ruining my life at work
Comments
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I'm not really sure what other advice to give. I haven't seen any evidence that could be disputed, at best it'll go to HR, they'll get an informal warning and it might stop, although the OP won't exactly make friends. Their call really.
Agree with your post..but potential a warning for what..someone believes they are being singled out due to sexuality.
So as someone feels that way it must be true...maybe the person in question is simply over reacting or even assuming what ever is being said relates to them,and lets be honest when you hear half of a conversation or make an assumption,it can often be something completely different.
Why not politely ask them do they have an issue with your sexuality as you feel your being gossiped about...clear the air and give them a chance to explain,who knows they might be talking about the TV programme Judge Rinder...who i believe might well be Gay or at least very camp and funny with it.0 -
Samsung_Note2 wrote: »Agree with your post..but potential a warning for what..someone believes they are being singled out due to sexuality.
So as someone feels that way it must be true...maybe the person in question is simply over reacting or even assuming what ever is being said relates to them,and lets be honest when you hear half of a conversation or make an assumption,it can often be something completely different.
Why not politely ask them do they have an issue with your sexuality as you feel your being gossiped about...clear the air and give them a chance to explain,who knows they might be talking about the TV programme Judge Rinder...who i believe might well be Gay or at least very camp and funny with it.
The thing is it's all about perception. If you perceive someone has reacted a certain way because of your race then legally it must be investigated as such, likewise homophobic hate crime.
My own view on this as a gay man? I think at best the op has been naive and a bit silly at worst. Having only worked at the place a short time when you've not even worked out if it's even a safe environment to be disclosing your sexuality is a bit naive. Just because another gay man works there doesn't mean a great deal unfortunately.
Sometimes it's better to keep work and sexuality separate. We live in a society where we are surrounded by people who will never accept homosexuality for cultural and religious reasons, so choose your confidantes carefully.
If you choose to be openly gay you have to be prepared you might not get a favourable response. Sadly it's the society we live in. Personally I keep my private live separate from work for this exact reason. I've learnt over the years that sometimes it's better not to tell people at work you are gay. I think the op might also learn a similar lesson in future.
No gay man wants to live in a world where you can't be honest and open about who you are, but that's the reality for many of us unless you live in a gay enclave and never leave the safety of it.
When I was younger I did the same thing as the op and was assaulted for being gay and the police thought it was all a silly misunderstanding and did nothing. I've learned to keep it to myself the hard way. Sad yes, but that's the world we live in. If you don't want to run the risk of an unpleasant or potentially violent response then sometimes it's better to remain safe. Just because I'm not 'out' at work doesn't mean I can't be openly gay around my family and trusted friends & I value that much more than people I just happen to work with.
I'd like to see more gay people respond to this thread as they will understand exactly where I am coming from having lived the experience of being gay in a predominantly straight workplace.0 -
Samsung_Note2 wrote: »who i believe might well be Gay or at least very camp and funny with it.
I can't speak for Judge Rob Rinder but his ex-husband was certainly gay!0 -
Today's news is tomorrow's chip paper!
Sadly, prejudice is still rife in 2018, and I can see where you're coming from, but supermarkets are full of gossip. They'll soon move onto someone else when they realise you're not going to rise to their bait.
I try and keep my private life private so I can fully empathise it's not nice having your sexuality broadcast to people you don't know, but I have to laugh to myself when people think I'm married with kids or seeing a girl at work I happen to get on really well with.
The best pieces of advice I feel I can give? Turn up to work, head held high, and get on with your job as best you can. If you feel anything is inappropriate, make a note of it, and perhaps talk to your manager(s) too?
As for the other guy at work? Speak to him, if you have to on a professional level, otherwise just be polite and say "hello" and "goodbye" and give him a wide berth.
People like him think they are being big and clever, when usually, in reality, they are making up for their own inadequacies in life.It's not your credit score that counts, it's your credit history. Any replies are my own personal opinion and not a representation of my employer.0 -
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The thing is it's all about perception. If you perceive someone has reacted a certain way because of your race then legally it must be investigated as such, likewise homophobic hate crime.
My own view on this as a gay man? I think at best the op has been naive and a bit silly at worst. Having only worked at the place a short time when you've not even worked out if it's even a safe environment to be disclosing your sexuality is a bit naive. Just because another gay man works there doesn't mean a great deal unfortunately.
Sometimes it's better to keep work and sexuality separate. We live in a society where we are surrounded by people who will never accept homosexuality for cultural and religious reasons, so choose your confidantes carefully.
If you choose to be openly gay you have to be prepared you might not get a favourable response. Sadly it's the society we live in. Personally I keep my private live separate from work for this exact reason. I've learnt over the years that sometimes it's better not to tell people at work you are gay. I think the op might also learn a similar lesson in future.
No gay man wants to live in a world where you can't be honest and open about who you are, but that's the reality for many of us unless you live in a gay enclave and never leave the safety of it.
When I was younger I did the same thing as the op and was assaulted for being gay and the police thought it was all a silly misunderstanding and did nothing. I've learned to keep it to myself the hard way. Sad yes, but that's the world we live in. If you don't want to run the risk of an unpleasant or potentially violent response then sometimes it's better to remain safe. Just because I'm not 'out' at work doesn't mean I can't be openly gay around my family and trusted friends & I value that much more than people I just happen to work with.
I'd like to see more gay people respond to this thread as they will understand exactly where I am coming from having lived the experience of being gay in a predominantly straight workplace.
Can you explain what you mean as an openly Gay man...i have visions of Camp guys begging for attention through wildly over the top actions and then pretending to mortally offended as someone has dared look at them...through the over the top actions..lol
I dont make a point of living an openly Heterosexual lifestyle...i just get on with life.
Ive said this time and time again..people are now days far to easily offended...people state they are bullied at work just because the boss has given them additional work or colleges haven't made them a cup of tea...Someone is a fully paid up racist as they said the word black person instead of colored or colored instead of Black or god forbid half cast ...the list goes on and on and on.
Sad thing is the real people who are bullied or the real racist people get away with it as everyone is offended and even get people offended on behalf of the people who were offend for the offended person.:D
Blimey im fat and people dont think twice about asking me have i lost weight..my wife is colored and my kids are half cast and sister in law is a lesbian...blimey i could get offended every single day,i dont as its just everyone has an opinion,if i dont like theirs i ignore it...simple.:D0 -
Outing someone at work without their permission amounts to harassment. Have a word with your trade union rep or LGBT officer (you are a union member? if not, you should be!!) and get some support to raise this with management so that appropriate follow up can happen - sounds like some equalities training is needed in your store as a minimum.0
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Outing someone at work without their permission amounts to harassment. Have a word with your trade union rep or LGBT officer (you are a union member? if not, you should be!!) and get some support to raise this with management so that appropriate follow up can happen - sounds like some equalities training is needed in your store as a minimum.
Harassment? Which requires two or more connected incidents?0 -
Harassment? Which requires two or more connected incidents?
"Harassment is defined as ‘unwanted conduct’ and must be related to a relevant protected characteristic or be ‘of a sexual nature‘. It must also have the purpose or effect of violating a person’s dignity or creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for that individual.
This can include bullying, nicknames, threats, jokes, ‘banter’, gossip, intrusive or inappropriate questions, ‘outing’ someone, ..."
"‘Outing’ someone – where their sexual orientation is revealed by another person against their wishes or without their permission – may be seen as unlawful harassment. It could also breach the Data Protection Act, if details of their sexual orientation are kept in confidence on file. Also, it might damage staff trust in their workplace. "
http://m.acas.org.uk/media/pdf/r/b/Sexual_Orientation_Discrimination_Nov.pdf
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"Harassment is defined as ‘unwanted conduct’ and must be related to a relevant protected characteristic or be ‘of a sexual nature‘. It must also have the purpose or effect of violating a person’s dignity or creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for that individual.
This can include bullying, nicknames, threats, jokes, ‘banter’, gossip, intrusive or inappropriate questions, ‘outing’ someone, ..."
"‘Outing’ someone – where their sexual orientation is revealed by another person against their wishes or without their permission – may be seen as unlawful harassment. It could also breach the Data Protection Act, if details of their sexual orientation are kept in confidence on file. Also, it might damage staff trust in their workplace. "
http://m.acas.org.uk/media/pdf/r/b/Sexual_Orientation_Discrimination_Nov.pdf
Still doesn't change that harassment requires two or more incidents.
The quote missed a key phrase "a course of conduct"0
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