Homophobic gossip ruining my life at work

pinkshoes

This is not about you being gay.

This is about you reacting to something they found out, and them carrying on mentioning it because they get such a good reaction from you.

If they found out you played bingo on a friday they would no doubt do the same.

Stop reacting and being over sensitive, start ignoring them, and soon things will be back to normal.

I remember a homophobic guy I used to work with finding out another guy was gay. He kept making comments which most ignored, but the best part was when the gay guy overheard a comment and said "if you are worried I fancy you, then stop worrying. I'd rather snog a munter like Donald Trump".

HendrikSavoo

Anyone advise as to how I can react to this gay guy who outed me?
I am so angry with him I literally even stopped looking at him as I walk past, but on reflection he probably gets off on that, because he can tell I am upset.

Would you recommend that I start making more effort with him again?

xapprenticex

No, just get on with your life, do you work then go home

pmduk

HendrikSavoo wrote: »

Would you recommend that I start making more effort with him again?

Try and let go of your anger, just treat him as if he wasn't there as much as possible,

mro

Try to speak to few people and make a few friends.

Should diffuse perceived situation in time, like this is no big deal.

Workplace iin modern times is made up of all sorts, introverts, extroverts, fat thin trendy young old etc, you don't need to be something you are not or to be part of a crowd, as long you do job & get on with people in civil manner.

gilett

Look, it's not nice but it's happened now and you can't change it so learn from it.

Sad I know but if there's one thing I've learned then it's not to confide anything about your sexuality to anyone at work because if it does go wrong you can't just stop going in.

My best advice going forward would be to just try as hard as you can to carry on as if nothing has happened, rather than being constantly aware and upset by all the giggling etc. Yes, in an ideal world we could all confess to a colleague and have nothing but acceptance and nicety, but where homosexuality is concerned its not an ideal world and as enlightened as we are there is still a long way to go.

I work in a very masculine industry where 99% of my colleagues are from countries where being gay is culturally unacceptable and illegal, therefore I would never consider confiding in a single one of them. It would be incredibly foolish to do so.

Do I care that I have to hide my sexuality at work? Not really no. It's never bothered me in the slightest. My family and close friends know I'm a gay man, oh and so does my boyfriend too lol

Seriously, you can't unsay what has been said. Bite the bullet and face it down. Eventually they will see it doesn't actually matter that much to you and the situation will lose its sting, but do try and learn from the experience.

It's not an ideal world as much as our lives as gay men would be so much easier if it were, therefore sometimes it's just easier for something as personal and intimate as sexuality not to be a 'work' discussion.

My colleagues all seem to think I'm married with a family & I've never once told them that, I just avoid the conversation. If they want to think I'm some red blooded hetro, good luck to them. Who am I to disappoint them lol

Ozzuk

The steps I would take...ignore first, see if that works. If it doesn't, then challenge the behaviour - let them know the impact it is having on you. Throughout this, document the behaviour and when you have challenged.

If it carries on, present it to HR and ask them what they can do - employers should be provided everyone a safe environment to work in, that includes protecting your mental health (from impact of bullying/abuse).

None of us can say how bad the bullying is because we aren't there, could be something you should rise above, could equally be something totally unaccaptable.

Samsung_Note2

HendrikSavoo wrote: »

As for your last paragraph, is it really hard for you to understand that gay guys can be homophobic too? It is surely well known that many gay guys are unfortunately !!!!!y towards other gays. It is unacceptable to "out" someone anyway, especially if they don't want it to happen.

There is a nasty undercurrent of homophobia brewing, which recently has caused people to snigger as they walk past me and make comments like "where have you been hiding?" (a reference to the closet).

Also every 5 minutes the main ringleaders are constantly engaging in some kind of gossip in some dark corner of the warehouse and when I walk past they start to stare at me and giggle.

A male colleague said to me "good bye, darling" as I left the shop the other day.

I used to give someone a lift home after work, now he prefers to walk.

My main work colleague - and a homophobe - who worked on the same department has now 'coincidentally' moved to another area of the shop (I think this is because he doesn't want to work with 'someone like me' - and find it ridiculous that the managers allowed this to happen).

So as soon as I am outed as gay, I am all alone, ridiculed, ostracised, and isolated.

I also had a day off ill recently and most of the homophobes supposed this was because I could no longer handle the situation. This actually made me very upset as, to me at least, it kind of proves that they want me gone and know the kind of hurt it is causing me.

To be blunt it sounds like your making a mountain out of a mole hill...you sound like an attention seeker in the above,do you seriously think in all honesty that your colleges will move departments...refuse lifts....snigger in dark corners of the warehouse all because your homosexual.
Actually if you have ever watched Little Britain theirs a character in that and straight away ive got visions of him,i very much doubt if your colleges really give a rats back side what your sexuality is...why on earth would they.

You seem to like labeling these people all as homophes....maybe thats why they have taken a dislike to you (i dont believe they have except in your mind) as your happy to label people,but isnt that what your upset about...being labeled..?

As for being called Darling..ive called male work colleges sweetheart..Darling...not in a sexual way or mocking them,just friendly way...never taken offensively.

Sorry but reckon you need to stop being so offended and crack on....if what you have said IS true,beat them by smiling and showing them your not bothered.

Fireflyaway

Firstly I'm sorry to hear what has been happening and secondly quite surprised that some posters on here are just brushing it off and more or less telling you to get on with it.
It's not ok to be mocked or avoided or made fun of in the workplace for any reason and if it's because of a protected characteristic it's clearly illegal.
It sounds a bit like a school playground to me. One or two bullies who then attract followers who join in on order to fit in and not be picked on themselves. Ridiculous that adults behave like this.
I'd keep a record of the treatment so you can take it to HR. Try to be confident and assertive. Your sexuality is nobody else's business and you have nothing to feel ashamed of. If people start sniggering then acknowledge them with a loud hello as you walk past. If someone makes a stupid comment ask them why they did it. Most people will probably start to realize they are being inappropriate and stop if directly confronted. I
If it carries on then go to HR. Your workplace has a duty to protect you from bullying, harassment and discrimination.
Hope things improve.

Gavin83

Fireflyaway wrote: »

Firstly I'm sorry to hear what has been happening and secondly quite surprised that some posters on here are just brushing it off and more or less telling you to get on with it.

I'm not really sure what other advice to give. I haven't seen any evidence that could be disputed, at best it'll go to HR, they'll get an informal warning and it might stop, although the OP won't exactly make friends. Their call really.