Homophobic gossip ruining my life at work

Comms69

HendrikSavoo wrote: »

I am trying to understand how to restore my dignity by looking at options to make things better.
If he is just going to laugh at me forever because he "outed" me then at the very least he needs to be made aware of how his actions have upset me.

So tell him?

lincroft1710

Comms69 wrote: »

So tell him?

I think the OP dislikes confrontation.

He won't tell management about how he perceives the situation at work, so I doubt he would take the obvious route and tell the other gay how he has upset him.

sangie595

HendrikSavoo wrote: »

I am trying to understand how to restore my dignity by looking at options to make things better.
If he is just going to laugh at me forever because he "outed" me then at the very least he needs to be made aware of how his actions have upset me.

Someone will no doubt flame me for saying this, but whatever...

Or toughen up? "Gay" used to be a term of insult, until people decided to own the word and make it something else. I'm not seeing what damage is done to your dignity. In some ways, you are doing some of this yourself, by your perceptions. It seems that anyone who doesn't immediately act in the way that you define as correct is a homophobe. But I'm genuinely struggling to see your point. You seemed to have little or nothing to do with your colleagues previously, and you still don't. How is that homophobia? Someone has asked to move to work on another section, and that makes them a homophobe - or possibly, just someone who wants to work somewhere else for some other reason? Some people laughed as you walkec by - what makes you so sue they are laughing at you? If these people are all homophobes who harbour such derision and hatred of gays, why on earth are they talking to him or believing anything he says?. Why aren't they treating him the same way?

You might have preferred that your colleagues didn't know. You might not have told them on that basis - and it might have been wise to have not told anybody if you wanted to keep your sexuality a secret. But you clearly did tell someone, and given what you have said about him here, you seem to have discussed a lot about your mutual circumstances. You didn't want anyone at work to know - so you told a workmate? So why are you not proud to be who you are? Why don't you rise above what might be a bit of gossip - but equally might be nothing, or might be a result of something else that they don't like about you.

You may be right about all this, but you really aren't demonstrating that you have any evidence of it at all. And I suspect that if this is just the latest gossip, it's your reaction that is fuelling the fire. Regrettably, most cliques find that something is more fun when their target reacts. No reaction, no fun.

Savvy_Sue

TBagpuss wrote: »

As you mentioned that this is a supermarket, check out what policies they have - they may have specific policies which you can reference if you raise a grievance or even simply make an informal initial complaint, and it is possible they may even have a LGBT officer or liaison within the HR dept.

If they don't, USDAW will: my advice to the OP would be to join, now, before he gets ideas about raising grievances, constructive dismissal etc.

Ineededaname

There's an openly gay guy at work that speaks to these people on a friendly enough basis to gossip?

How can they be homophobic. It doesnt add up. You haven't replied to anyone mentioning this from what I can see? If they were homophobic they would be targeting him in the same way.

This sounds personal to you and not homophobia, even if there are some related comments. People that want to will always find something to pick on.

You need to think about this if you intend to complain etc. How will management view the allegation of homophobia If they are fully aware these people are on friendly terms with a homosexual?

That's not to say their behaviour towards you is acceptable, but you are looking at bullying allegations not homophobia?

HendrikSavoo

Ineededaname wrote: »

There's an openly gay guy at work that speaks to these people on a friendly enough basis to gossip?

How can they be homophobic. It doesnt add up. You haven't replied to anyone mentioning this from what I can see? If they were homophobic they would be targeting him in the same way.

This sounds personal to you and not homophobia, even if there are some related comments. People that want to will always find something to pick on.

You need to think about this if you intend to complain etc. How will management view the allegation of homophobia If they are fully aware these people are on friendly terms with a homosexual?

That's not to say their behaviour towards you is acceptable, but you are looking at bullying allegations not homophobia?

Homophobia is more difficult to engender when a person is protected by their friends. A young openly gay guy who has lots of friends is always going to be more popular/protected than an 'older' discreetly gay guy who has been outed (lol) and is known as a bit of a loner at work.

There are homophobic people at work, but there are also straight people who are friends with this gay guy. Of course the homophobes don't like him, but at least they knew he was gay in the first place...

pmduk

HendrikSavoo wrote: »

I am trying to understand how to restore my dignity by looking at options to make things better.

Dignity comes from within you; from being proud of who and what you are; Of not giving a toss what the others are gossiping about. Just being the best person you can be and an example to others!

That can apply to all Gay, straight, bi, confused, other, black, white, striped!

theoretica

HendrikSavoo wrote: »

I am trying to understand how to restore my dignity by looking at options to make things better.
If he is just going to laugh at me forever because he "outed" me then at the very least he needs to be made aware of how his actions have upset me.

Do you think he wanted to upset you? If yes, do you want to let him know he succeeded?

unforeseen

Daffydd Thomas keeps springing to mind here. Substitute supermarket for village.

lincroft1710

unforeseen wrote: »

Daffydd Thomas keeps springing to mind here. Substitute supermarket for village.

My earlier post

lincroft1710 wrote: »

I feel the other gay guy is upset at not being "the only gay in the village" and has probably told fellow workers some rather untrue, unflattering stories about you