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Homophobic gossip ruining my life at work

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Comments

  • HendrikSavoo
    HendrikSavoo Posts: 30 Forumite
    Third Anniversary 10 Posts
    If I was to make a complaint for being outed at work, what kind of evidence would I need to provide? In actuality, I don't have much apart from my word against his.
  • gomer
    gomer Posts: 1,473 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    HendrikSavoo wrote: »
    If I was to make a complaint for being outed at work, what kind of evidence would I need to provide? In actuality, I don't have much apart from my word against his.

    Are you really sure it's worth going down that road?
  • Savvy_Sue
    Savvy_Sue Posts: 47,638 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    HendrikSavoo wrote: »
    If I was to make a complaint for being outed at work, what kind of evidence would I need to provide? In actuality, I don't have much apart from my word against his.
    I'm just idly wondering what other evidence there could possibly be. Running through the steps.
    1. You're gay.
    2. No-one at work knew you were gay
    3. You told one person you were gay.
    4. Suddenly everyone knew you were gay, so that one person you told must have told everyone else.

    Taking those points one by one.
    1. And? How does that affect YOUR work?
    2. How can you possibly know that no-one else knew?
    3. So you outed yourself.
    4. But what evidence do you have for your conclusion that this one person must have told everyone else?
    Signature removed for peace of mind
  • gomer
    gomer Posts: 1,473 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    edited 10 December 2018 at 10:16PM
    It does sound more a case that op outed himself in this instance. Maybe that should be the focus, not to divulge things this intimate. Nobody would be any the wiser.

    I can forsee the potential for much energy to be wasted perusing this formally under the circumstances. There's a bit of a moral I can see in this tale. Don't divulge things you don't want reaching a wider audience under ANY circumstances, but don't go telling someone you're gay then get upset at other people knowing your business.
  • theoretica
    theoretica Posts: 12,691 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Did you ask the person in question if he would keep it confidential before you told him?
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
  • HendrikSavoo
    HendrikSavoo Posts: 30 Forumite
    Third Anniversary 10 Posts
    theoretica wrote: »
    Did you ask the person in question if he would keep it confidential before you told him?

    No because then it would look like I wanted it to be a secret - then he would have more leverage over me. I doubt he would have kept it a secret even if I asked him.
  • gomer
    gomer Posts: 1,473 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    HendrikSavoo wrote: »
    No because then it would look like I wanted it to be a secret - then he would have more leverage over me. I doubt he would have kept it a secret even if I asked him.
    They why tell him? It may sound a daft question but what was it that actually made you decide to tell him?
  • pmduk
    pmduk Posts: 10,695 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    One thing I learned earlier in life, what other people say about you only matters if you value their judgement.
  • HendrikSavoo
    HendrikSavoo Posts: 30 Forumite
    Third Anniversary 10 Posts
    OK, so some time soon, we have our department secret santa and I am fairly sure I am going to be given a dildo or some other sex toy.

    Seeing as this is extremely awkward, borderline bullying, what would be the best way to deal with it?

    What if people take a photo of me holding it and put it on Facebook or something/?
  • BrassicWoman
    BrassicWoman Posts: 3,220 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Mortgage-free Glee!
    HendrikSavoo wrote: »
    OK, so some time soon, we have our department secret santa and I am fairly sure I am going to be given a dildo or some other sex toy.

    Seeing as this is extremely awkward, borderline bullying, what would be the best way to deal with it?

    What if people take a photo of me holding it and put it on Facebook or something/?


    Don't take part in it
    Don't create drama before it happens
    Put down your flux capacitor
    2021 GC £1365.71/ £2400
This discussion has been closed.
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