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Would you like a surprise party?

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  • Ok speaking from the other side, my mother isn't a party person and always said not to dare have a surprise party for her. For her 50th I mooted the idea of a surprise party with my Stepfather (half joking) and he thought it was a great idea, we talked at great length about whether mum would actually be mad or not and decided to keep it relaxed, a garden party but just pulling together old friends and family, and whack on a band because mum loves to dance. Mum went off to do the weekly shop and get her hair done and we managed to transform the house and garden in the 3 hours. She arrived home to find everyone in the garden, after the initial shock and tears (she refused to get out the car, I felt utterly dreadful) she went and got changed and joined us all.


    She had a wonderful afternoon, once over the initial shock she couldn't stop smiling and laughing with old friends, she was amazed how far some had come to be there and how loved she was. 10 years later she still talks about what a wonderful day it was, what a complete shock it was, and how the hell did we all pull it off. Sometimes being thrown out of your comfort zone is a good thing.


    And before anyone say she put on a happy face for us - trust me if my mother wasn't happy it would have been made very clear and I would never be allowed to forget it!
  • Izadora
    Izadora Posts: 2,047 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts
    Sometimes being thrown out of your comfort zone is a good thing.

    And at other times it's just excruciatingly uncomfortable.

    I'm quite a sociable person, I love parties and spending time with large groups of people, but I utterly detest surprises and wouldn't react well at all.

    OP, is there any way you can discuss it with the 2 sisters who have organised everything without dropping sister 3 in it?

    Explain that it's a lovely thought and you appreciate the effort but it's really not something you would enjoy and ask that they cancel the party.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,571 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Izadora wrote: »

    Explain that it's a lovely thought and you appreciate the effort but it's really not something you would enjoy and ask that they cancel the party.

    But it isn't a lovely thought - better to be honest and tell them that they know you hate this kind of do and that they can either go ahead without you or cancel it.
  • dreaming
    dreaming Posts: 1,219 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    My SIL organised a surprise party for my birthday/retirement and contacted colleagues etc. to come (I had chosen not to have a "do" at work). I turned up to what I thought was a small family gathering to see a whole host of people - many of whom, quite frankly, I was looking forward to never having to see again, and some of whom had only come for the free food and drink. Obviously I did get through it (with gritted teeth) and understood that it was done with good intentions as SIL loves parties, but I have made it plain to all my close relatives that they must never do that again as I will just walk away.
    The trouble is that a lot of people say they hate surprises when they really mean they would love one. Personally I would speak to the organisers and tell them that I had found out and was not prepared to go. If they get upset then is that worse than you being upset? Only you can answer that.
  • maisie_cat
    maisie_cat Posts: 2,136 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Academoney Grad
    To be honest although you hate the idea you might actually like it. I'm the oldest so first to get to 50 and I made it clear that I did not want anything and made my hubby stop anything if it started. He couldn't stop my 2 sisters once they got going and in the end although I knew about it I played along.
    It was fun actually and I just got very drunk with my nieces and nephews playing drinking games.
  • Izadora
    Izadora Posts: 2,047 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts
    Mojisola wrote: »
    But it isn't a lovely thought

    I know, I just thought that phrasing it that way would probably be better received than "!!!!!! were you thinking?" :D
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 35,785 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Savvy Shopper!
    Izadora wrote: »
    I know, I just thought that phrasing it that way would probably be better received than "!!!!!! were you thinking?" :D

    I think in the circumstances, the above is totally appropriate.
    Really... what were they thinking?
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,571 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Izadora wrote: »
    I know, I just thought that phrasing it that way would probably be better received than "!!!!!! were you thinking?" :D

    But it also opens her up to the "but you'll enjoy it if you come!" comments.
  • Primrose
    Primrose Posts: 10,703 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper I've been Money Tipped!
    Just get your husband to tell your sisters that he has already planned something for the date in question so they ought to know well in advance that you won't be available!
  • Seanymph
    Seanymph Posts: 2,882 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    You have to weigh up what you can live with - disappointing your sisters and not going, or gritting your teeth and living through something you have not instigated.

    And no one knows how heavy each of those weighs on you but you.

    I am in the hate gatherings camp - but on the occasions I have been forced through politeness to attend things have often found a) it's been enjoyable and b) it's been over very quickly (which will not be case for not turning up, that will rumble on for years potentially!).

    So, you have to choose - as you can see people are in two camps, either is equally acceptable. Which would you rather?
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