Would you like a surprise party?

Mojisola

swingaloo wrote: »

One of the sisters is a great 'party animal' and loves doing this sort of thing (she will probably use it as an excuse to invite her own friends as well) but they know that I will really hate it and its that which has upset me.

I could understand it if they didn't know how I feel but we have had other parties for family and Ive always said it would be my idea of hell.

Your sisters haven't done this for you - they've used your birthday as an excuse to do something they love doing.

I would feel the same as you.

I hope I would have the guts to tell them that I'm not going to be around that weekend - if it's done now, there will be time to let everyone know.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

If you go to the effort of organising a surprise party for someone, you have to be very confident they'll enjoy the surprise element. They've knowingly taken a risk, and it's backfired.

However, I would take a moment to think about the possibilities now the surprise factor is removed. Could you insist the event be downgraded to something much less formal and fancy, but still involves the pleasure of seeing some old friends? No speeches, no toasts, no arranged tables, just a casual buffet, drinks and chatting?

warby68

Without a direct message to the sisters though, there is the small risk that they will rearrange the party for another date.

Its odd that they presume you are available and won't have other plans though which is very likely for a significant birthday - are you sure they haven't broached it with your OH?

I don't blame you at all for hating it and finding it hard to see good intentions in the plans when your feelings have been made very clear for many years.

And poor sister 3 - she was between a rock and a hard place

Lucy_Lastic

I agree with the idea of booking (or OH booking) that weekend away for your birthday. Then tell the family how you are looking forward to a lovely quiet time away. They can then do what they like, have the party, not have the party, it's up to them.

As they didn't even involve your husband in their plans, how was he to know?

TonyMMM

It shows appalling lack of consideration and ignorance by those organising it, but you have to consider the effect on your future relationships with your family. Decide now what you are going to do and be very clear about it.

You can't just book a weekend away and pretend you didn't know about the party (you do know, so does your husband, and it will come out that you know)..

So either:

1) Tell all concerned that whilst you appreciate the thought, you will not be attending any party and let them worry about cancellations/costs etc. Be firm and don't leave them in any doubt at all. Then book a weekend away if you wish to make sure they know there is no chance of persuading you.

2) Go along with it, and go to the party.



I've received two recent invites to surprise parties in the next couple of months (seems to be a trend) - in once case the person will love it so I will probably attend ... the other person will hate it and be very embarrassed by the idea so I won't be part of that and have already given my "sorry" rsvp.... (but I've since heard a rumour that the person may have been tipped off and has made arrangements to be elsewhere and uncontactable that night)

Oakie

Its seems odd that your sisters didn't consult your hubby first to check if he had plans for your birthday.
How are they planning to lure you to the venue?
Think I would be 'somewhere else'

Janey3

I would hate a surprise party, but would slap on a smile, grit my teeth and go. A couple of drinks and a promise to myself to 'have a migraine' if things get too much for me, and leave the party early.

Pollycat

TonyMMM wrote: »

It shows appalling lack of consideration and ignorance by those organising it, but you have to consider the effect on your future relationships with your family. Decide now what you are going to do and be very clear about it.

You can't just book a weekend away and pretend you didn't know about the party (you do know, so does your husband, and it will come out that you know)..

So either:

1) Tell all concerned that whilst you appreciate the thought, you will not be attending any party and let them worry about cancellations/costs etc. Be firm and don't leave them in any doubt at all. Then book a weekend away if you wish to make sure they know there is no chance of persuading you.

2) Go along with it, and go to the party.



I've received two recent invites to surprise parties in the next couple of months (seems to be a trend) - in once case the person will love it so I will probably attend ... the other person will hate it and be very embarrassed by the idea so I won't be part of that and have already given my "sorry" rsvp.... (but I've since heard a rumour that the person may have been tipped off and has made arrangements to be elsewhere and uncontactable that night)

Did sister 1 & 2 consider the effect of their future relationship with their sister before going ahead with this !!!!-eyed plan?
Of course they didn't.
So why should the OP consider them?
They knew that she wouldn't appreciate a surprise party but went ahead with planning it anyway.

Pollycat

Janey3 wrote: »

I would hate a surprise party, but would slap on a smile, grit my teeth and go. A couple of drinks and a promise to myself to 'have a migraine' if things get too much for me, and leave the party early.

If you're not a 'centre of attention' person - and it sounds like the OP isn't (I understand because neither am I) - why should you have to 'slap on a smile and grit your teeth' simply because your sisters think they know best.

It's probably a good 8 weeks before this likely shambles.
I'd be telling my sisters to cancel the lot.

rach_k

I know what I'd like to say I would do, but in reality I know I would probably end up going along with it. If that sounds like you, remember that you don't have to make it easy for them! Keep mentioning things you might plan for that day, or totally disappear for most of the big day to really get them panicking. Perhaps even refuse to get out of your favourite tiger onesie!

If you have some close friends you know you can trust, talk to them about it. Explain the problem and ask them to surround you at the party. Everybody else can have a wild night if that is what's planned, but you can sit with your actual friends and just have a natter if you want.