Opinions about working kids paying Housekeeping needed!

LouBlue

rog2 wrote: »

And none taken, bg. Since posting, four weeks ago, I have discussed this, with my wife, who in turn has talked to my son (she is much more diplomatic than I could ever be) and he is, now, actually contributing £300 per month - so the thread did some good, after all.

Glad you got things sorted.

cat4772

I'm going to add my two-penneth here!

I always had to pay board - my dad would each year find out the average cost to students and charge a similar amount. I didn't have any great issues when I moved out.

My cousin only had to buy food for her and her dad (about £10 - 15 a week) so she got used to having the rest of her wage to herself. When she set up home with her husband, she had a massive shock when she realised he expected her to contribute 50% of the cost (later reduced to a proportionate amount of her salary)!

Cat.x

wherediditallgo

poorbabe wrote: »

"If I'd offered that to my parents back in the day, my Dad in particular would have helped me find somewhere dark & damp about my person in which to put the money, & it would have gone in as notes & come out as coins. "

Wherediditallgo - absolutely priceless!!!:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Thanks. My family are Jamaican, & I've never known a Jamaican man of my Dad's generation to be tactful. They say what they mean, & mean what they say. As a child, I spent many an evening moaning to Mum after my Dad had said/done something deeply embarrassing, but at least I always knew where I stood with him.

poorbabe

My family is J'can and I was raised by my mother who would have said the same things your Dad did. Fortunately it never ever came to that as my older brothers, having been raised in JA, knew what was what.

Sometimes I think there's a lot to be said for growing up with little money, if it helps you learn the value of it later on, even if we stray from it along the way, we eventually work our way back to it, hence DFW

belfastgirl23

rog2 wrote: »

And none taken, bg. Since posting, four weeks ago, I have discussed this, with my wife, who in turn has talked to my son (she is much more diplomatic than I could ever be) and he is, now, actually contributing £300 per month - so the thread did some good, after all.

Really glad to hear it Well done!

southernscouser

I pay my mum £250 a month and my net wage is £1,610 a month! I used to begrudge it in my 'wild' days but now I've come to understand money more I don't.

I don't think it matters whether the parents can afford it or not. You're working, you're an adult, and you need to start learning responsibilities that only experience can teach you! :think:

gozaimasu

wherediditallgo wrote: »

One of the many points of raising children is to bring them from childhood dependency to adult independence. One of the ways to do that is to slowly but surely start loosening the apron strings as they get older, so that you start treating them more like an adult & they start behaving more like one. A way of doing that is to show that, along with the rights that come with being an adult, also come responsibilities. Learning to be aware of the consequences of their behaviour (eg leaving lights on when you're not using them increases the electricity bill, & puts extra load on anyone else having to pay towards those bills) is just one of the many life skills that will see them through leaner times, when they need help from others. One of my colleagues had a niece living with her that thought nothing of spending £200 on clothing when she wanted it, but baulked at paying towards the phone bill. After a year of her selfishness & repeatedly having to argue about the bills, her aunt told her to find somewhere else to live. She has her own flat now, & hasn't spent money like that since. I see no reason for a parent to financially support a child to the age of 25 - that 'child' has chosen to take at least two stages of further education past normal school leaving age, & should have had the maturity to assess who was going to pay for that & find out whether they'd be able & willing to do so before increasing their costs.

To be honest, if you'd be offended at your parents expecting £50pm from you, then that might be to do with them not introducing you to the concept of paying your way early enough - we knew from very young that our parents didn't have loads of money, we were aware of what bills were & what made them bigger, & were under no illusions about having to pay keep if we wanted to live at home once we were earning. If I'd told my parents that I or the law expected them to support me until I was 25 while I studied, my Dad would have none-too-tactfully suggested that I go out to work & save some money & become a mature student later on, at my own cost. But then I wouldn't have said that, because I had respect for them & myself.

If you want to live at home, then you should either pay towards the costs of running that home or pass on the address where you're planning to get free food, heating etc. The person who can afford to pub it, club it & eat it can also afford to put something in the household kitty. If doing so means they go out less, it's a salutary welcome to the real world that many adults paying their way already inhabit. And on that note, this adult is off to work.

Just to clarify, wherediditall go, my parents don't give me any money towards funding my education, depsite this so-called legal obligation and the parents' contribution that they were supposed to give me according to the SLCs calculation. I have had to entirely fund my own education through a lot of part time work, and as a result my studies have suffered. So if my post seems narrow-minded it's only because of the bitterness I have towards my parents. Add to this bitterness the fact that my sibling is still a student living at home (rent free lucky b**tard) whereas I was a student living away and had to pay for it all myself. Doesn't seem fair. My sibling has a part time job too and doesn't contribute anything - so of course if I went back to live with my parents then I would be offended if they expected money off me. Siblings should be treated completely equally, another parenting rule that seems to have been forgotten. A lot of resentment can build up if this rule isn't followed.

I know exactly how to pay my own way and I have an excellent attitude towards money. It's just when it comes to family that I resent the idea of "being in debt" to your parents just because you live with them. I feel more in debt if I owed someone 50p. Family is supposed to be worth more than arguments/struggles about money. I know for a fact I would rather live away from home with full independence and pay 3 times the amount, than to pay my parents to live at home with all the restrictions that come with it, even if it meant being in debt.

wherediditallgo

It would be lovely to think that, in times of trouble, someone could go back to their parental home, have time to get back on their feet & a chance to put some money behind them & start again. But hard times don’t mean the parental home is the only option, nor should it necessarily be considered an option at all.

I once moved into a house-share of about 10 people only to find out a few days later that the lease was going to expire in another week or so because the rent was going up & the tenants hadn’t agreed on a renewal at the new rate, & that I’d basically been got in to cover someone else’s part of the rent. :mad: I was livid & a bit scared, but instead of outwardly panicking, I rang the agent & explained the situation – the previous tenant of the room had got me to pay a month’s deposit & a month’s rent, presumably thinking that if the lease was extended I wouldn’t have lost anything (plus enabling them to make the rental look more legit :rolleyes:). So, having thought I’d found a decent house to move into & got all my stuff in, I was faced with finding somewhere else to live very quickly. The agent agreed to give everyone a month to decide whether they were going to take a new lease, & privately agreed with me to refund my deposit in full if I moved out before the month’s rent I’d paid ran out (& sent me a cheque post-dated for my final day), a fact I didn’t reveal to the others. It would have been relatively easy to move back home under whatever terms my parents set just to get out by the deadline, but instead I got a copy of Loot first thing in the morning (this was in the days when it only came out once a week, & there was no online edition), & used a payphone to ring all the places I could find. I managed to find somewhere & moved in the day before the end of my rent. I breathed a sigh of relief at getting a flat-share just in time at a reasonable cost near to work, only to later find that the man whose flat it was regularly put a dead mouse on the floor in the doorway of his room, which treated me to the sight of it swelling & shrinking as it decayed over a period of time as I walked past. :eek: I was horrified, & knew I had to find somewhere else again. I ended up being there just under 3 months, moving to another flat-share where thankfully things were much better. :j

The point I’m making is that at no point did I think I should just move back home. I’d left home, & having gone back a few times before, I didn’t want to do that again, though it would have been so much easier to do. There comes a point where you have to choose between difficult living conditions at home & difficult living conditions elsewhere. Growing up & becoming independent is about being both able & willing to deal with challenges as they present themselves without running to your parents as the first port of call for a roof over your head, & if you do end up back there being mature enough to live with their restrictions without complaint until you're able to move out again. It was hard for me to sort things out without going back home, but I was a stronger adult for doing it. If someone moves back home, they’re ultimately choosing to do so especially if they're not actually homeless, & they have to either sort out the terms for them being there before they move back in or live with whatever terms their parents set, even if they feel they’re being treated unfairly. What they shouldn’t do is moan after moving in.

No parent, no matter how they try, can treat their children exactly the same all the time, because the children aren’t the same as each other & are likely to respond differently in different situations. The parents themselves may well be in different circumstances with one child than they are with another. I can understand your annoyance with your sibling’s treatment, but your problems aren’t & wouldn't be caused simply by parental expectations, but also by lack of respect & communication. Even if parents don’t expect any money, someone who wants to be treated as an adult within the home & who has respect for themselves as well as their parents will offer it if they live at home, regardless of what their siblings may or may not be doing or getting away with. You’ve learned a lot from your experiences, not least of all how to manage your money, so though your formal education may have suffered, you’ve learned & benefited in other ways & you can return to education at a later date. You’ll probably have a more mature approach to it too.

Kaz2904

There is no legal obligation for a parent to fund their child through further education.
Parental income is assessed when judging for grants because many parents do help out. It is also used to stop people just going to uni instead of getting a job. If more people had to consider how they were going to fund their way through uni there would probably be less people wasting time there.
Your parents may not have been able to afford to fund your way through uni and they may not be able to help your sibling by any other means than allowing them to remain living at home. Did you not have this option?

I think people should pay towards the upkeep of the family home. Otherwise there will never be an incentive to leave and there will be no clue as to how to budget when you do actually leave.
It's not about scamming your offspring but enabling them to grow up in a safe environment within acceptable rles and boundaries.

FunBrum

We always paid mum and dad as soon as we started work,
and I charged my kids housekeeping as soon as they were
earning. I think it teaches them that they have to pay their
way in this life. They then know what the cost of living is all
about when they leave home. I think it holds them in good
stead;)