Opinions about working kids paying Housekeeping needed!

melancholly

LouBlue wrote: »

That is outrageous!!!!! I wouldn't be able to keep quiet about it, I know an easy life is tempting sometimes to keep the peace, but she is taking the pis& out of your parents and they will never get rid of her...

Show your parents this thread.

glad it's not just me..... i only go home for short bursts and can just about keep myself in check for a weekend......... i don't know that i'll cope over Christmas though..... i guess i don't want to add to my parents' stress as i know they are already having trouble sleeping and grandparents are sick etc etc (which then winds me up even more that my sister isn't suggesting she pays more herself!). i'm going to have to address it over christmas, but at least then i'll have enough time to find a 'good time' to bring it up, rather than forcing the issue like i did last time.

families, eh?!

LouBlue

melancholly wrote: »

glad it's not just me..... i only go home for short bursts and can just about keep myself in check for a weekend......... i don't know that i'll cope over Christmas though..... i guess i don't want to add to my parents' stress as i know they are already having trouble sleeping and grandparents are sick etc etc (which then winds me up even more that my sister isn't suggesting she pays more herself!). i'm going to have to address it over christmas, but at least then i'll have enough time to find a 'good time' to bring it up, rather than forcing the issue like i did last time.

families, eh?!

Good luck. My mum basically brought me and my 2 sisters up...my dad was a useless article and we always gave her 25% of our take home. We never minded, it was the least we could do!! Its about respect!

wherediditallgo

I started having summer jobs in my final year at school. I was allowed to keep all of that money, as I was going to college & would have lots of books to buy (A-Level Law wasn't cheap, plus I had History & English as well). When I started a full-time permanent job, I was allowed to keep my first week's money for myself, but after that I had to pay my keep. As someone recently out of education, I had my tax allowance, & for quite a while I was taking home more than my Dad. There's no way he would have allowed me to live there without paying my keep - when I tried 'discussing' paying it with my Dad, he told me that if I could somewhere cheaper, I was free to move there & he'd drive me. :eek: From a take-home pay of about £75pw (very good money for someone straight out of education in those days), I paid £20pw towards my keep plus a third of the household bills, & that increased as my pay went up. I wasn't particularly thrilled by it at first, but I soon got over it. My Mum told me that wherever I live in later life, I'll have to pay to keep a roof over my head & no-one likes someone who won't pay their own way. My brother used to try giving his keep on a Friday & borrowing it back by Sunday. Mum allowed it once, but told him it would never happen again, because when you're living away from home, you can't borrow back the rent from your landlord.

My folks were right. Whatever other difficulties I've had, I've always been very aware of my household costs including utilities. I've met people who've laughed at their parents for not charging them, but who've then tried borrowing from staff when they're short of money. If they can't manage when they've got no keep to pay, how are they going to manage when they leave home & have to find rent or a mortgage? I've been in a flat-share with someone who'd never paid a penny at home & who thought nothing of putting on the washing-machine for a couple of pairs of tights & a few bits of underwear. And few things will annoy flatmates more than the person who never pays the rent or their share of the bills on time, yet makes great use of whatever facilities are in the property. I've worked with someone who'd sit on the phone at home for hours with no thought for the cost, because she'd never paid anything towards the bill when she lived at home. She had no concept of bill-paying, & when she got her first quarterly electricity bill after leaving home of over £500 & a phone bill for almost £1,000 (you're talking the days before mobiles, & when BT was your only choice), she rang up raging because they had to have made a mistake. They hadn't - they sent her an itemised bill that was the thickest I've ever seen to this day & she burst into tears, as she knew she'd be choosing between rent, food & the bill for months to come. She had absolutely no idea what it took to keep a roof over head, had bought loads of expensive new items for her flat, & then could barely feed herself. One of my colleagues is moving back home just before Christmas (at 35 years old), because his wife has left him & he has absolutely no idea how to run a home.

I think it's very important for someone to contribute to the household costs once they're earning - my friend's son is on a minimum wage, but he still has to give £10pw to his Mum. I can't get my head around a child taking home over £1000pm & either paying nothing, or paying a token amount like £50pm. If I'd offered that to my parents back in the day, my Dad in particular would have helped me find somewhere dark & damp about my person in which to put the money, & it would have gone in as notes & come out as coins. I'm not slating the parent or the child, but I honestly feel that child will be heading for a big shock when they're out in the real world & have to pay rent, utility bills & for the incidentals that they always had at home, such as washing-up liquid, disinfectant, cleaning materials & a TV licence.

gozaimasu

What's the point in having kids if you're just gonna scam them out of some money? You didn't bring them up just to make some money off them. You brought a child into the world knowing that it'd cost you money, but at the time, I'm sure this was the last thing on your mind. I think you also have a legal obligation to support them financially up until the age of 25, at least if they're still in full time education (I think).

I would probably offer my parents some money (probably £50 a month) if I had to live with them, but that's not the point - I'd be slightly offended if they just expected it off me, especially since the only reason I'd be living there in the first place would be if I was facing some sort of financial difficulty and needed to live rent free to get myself back on my feet.

wherediditallgo

One of the many points of raising children is to bring them from childhood dependency to adult independence. One of the ways to do that is to slowly but surely start loosening the apron strings as they get older, so that you start treating them more like an adult & they start behaving more like one. A way of doing that is to show that, along with the rights that come with being an adult, also come responsibilities. Learning to be aware of the consequences of their behaviour (eg leaving lights on when you're not using them increases the electricity bill, & puts extra load on anyone else having to pay towards those bills) is just one of the many life skills that will see them through leaner times, when they need help from others. One of my colleagues had a niece living with her that thought nothing of spending £200 on clothing when she wanted it, but baulked at paying towards the phone bill. After a year of her selfishness & repeatedly having to argue about the bills, her aunt told her to find somewhere else to live. She has her own flat now, & hasn't spent money like that since. I see no reason for a parent to financially support a child to the age of 25 - that 'child' has chosen to take at least two stages of further education past normal school leaving age, & should have had the maturity to assess who was going to pay for that & find out whether they'd be able & willing to do so before increasing their costs.

Having children & raising them to be contributing adults in the wider world isn't just about money, but money & their attitude towards it is one of the things that will affect relationships they have with other people. If they have enough respect to pay a reasonable contribution towards the costs of running the home they live in, they'll hopefully treat it with respect too. There are many parents who save some of the money to give to their child when they get their own home & can use the help setting up, but many parents can't do that & the money is genuinely needed. To be honest, if you'd be offended at your parents expecting £50pm from you, then that might be to do with them not introducing you to the concept of paying your way early enough - we knew from very young that our parents didn't have loads of money, we were aware of what bills were & what made them bigger, & were under no illusions about having to pay keep if we wanted to live at home once we were earning. If I'd told my parents that I or the law expected them to support me until I was 25 while I studied, my Dad would have none-too-tactfully suggested that I go out to work & save some money & become a mature student later on, at my own cost. But then I wouldn't have said that, because I had respect for them & myself.

If you want to live at home, then you should either pay towards the costs of running that home or pass on the address where you're planning to get free food, heating etc. The person who can afford to pub it, club it & eat it can also afford to put something in the household kitty. If doing so means they go out less, it's a salutary welcome to the real world that many adults paying their way already inhabit. And on that note, this adult is off to work.

poorbabe

"If I'd offered that to my parents back in the day, my Dad in particular would have helped me find somewhere dark & damp about my person in which to put the money, & it would have gone in as notes & come out as coins. "

Wherediditallgo - absolutely priceless!!!:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

SarahNeedle1872

gozaimasu wrote: »

What's the point in having kids if you're just gonna scam them out of some money? You didn't bring them up just to make some money off them. You brought a child into the world knowing that it'd cost you money, but at the time, I'm sure this was the last thing on your mind. I think you also have a legal obligation to support them financially up until the age of 25, at least if they're still in full time education (I think).

I would probably offer my parents some money (probably £50 a month) if I had to live with them, but that's not the point - I'd be slightly offended if they just expected it off me, especially since the only reason I'd be living there in the first place would be if I was facing some sort of financial difficulty and needed to live rent free to get myself back on my feet.

Its not about scamming money out of them! Its about teaching them repect for their money, and repect for their parents...... my parents had very little money when I was growing up, and as soon as I started a part time job, my parents asked me to pay so money..... I had absolutely no problems with that at all... I am contributing to the cost of the bills, therefore I should contribute to the household too.... I also took on some of the daily chores.

And 25 is not a 'child', 25 is a full grown adult, who, even if in full time education, should quite rightly be expected to pay their way, even if they have to get a part time job too...

belfastgirl23

Okay Rog2 I have been trying not to post but I can't help myself I do totally see why you're helping your youngest daughter in her transition from college and if you can afford to do so I think it's incredibly generous of you and your wife and will make a big difference to your daughter's life. but I cannot for the life of me see why your son is still living at home and not paying his way. To me, it means that there is inequity between your children. He is using up some of what ought to be his sister's money. And of course since you are not willing to compromise the support you're giving her then you're getting squeezed. I don't know if it helps you to see it this way?

Personally i think you aren't doing him any favours in letting him live his life like this. I can see it's a hard conversation to have, especially if you like having him live there, but really it is having a big knock on effect. You should have been able to free up 'his' resource for his sister by now and he is making this impossible. For his own sake, his sister's sake and really for anyone he might end up living with, as well as for you and your wife, I think you should tackle this.

Okay that's my interfering done for the day, absolutely no offence meant....

rog2

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Okay that's my interfering done for the day, absolutely no offence meant....

And none taken, bg. Since posting, four weeks ago, I have discussed this, with my wife, who in turn has talked to my son (she is much more diplomatic than I could ever be) and he is, now, actually contributing £300 per month - so the thread did some good, after all.

LouBlue

gozaimasu wrote: »

What's the point in having kids if you're just gonna scam them out of some money?

Yes, because that is EXACTLY what we have been all saying....have you read the thread?? :rolleyes:

I never thought for one second my mum was just trying to get money out of us for the sake of it. What a strange world you live in. She could barely afford to put food on our plates, because of my father. So because she chose to give birth to us, does that mean she does not deserve love and respect from her children, and a helping hand financially if we are working, for keeping a roof above our heads? And even if she was ok financially, I am not talking about when we were at school, but when you are an adult, and working, why shouldn't you contribute to the household bills if you are living there?

It was a very small price to pay for the love and support we all received from her. And she passed away this year unexpectedly, thank God she had some money put by to pay for the funeral, otherwise my sisters and I would have been furious!! :rolleyes: