Partner still married 4 years on

chesky

I was still married to my ex some 35 years after we separated. He'd left a will - our children inherited - but, much to my surprise, I inherited his company pension. If I were the OP I'd make sure the financial arrangements are watertight.

pickledonionspaceraider

I wouldn't like it.


As he is in a committed relationship with you OP, but someone else is his wife...and another woman calls him her husband


I don't understand why people stay married for years after a separation, to be honest

harrys_nan

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

I wouldn't like it.


As he is in a committed relationship with you OP, but someone else is his wife...and another woman calls him her husband


I don't understand why people stay married for years after a separation, to be honest

I split from my husband in 96, never divorced, couldn't be bothered. I will never get married again anyway and if he wants to remarry that's fine, he can just pay for it, I won't object. We both live with other people, he with the women we split up over and me a guy I met after being on my own for 13 years.

Loz01

Why doesnt he just do a DIY divorce? There is a wealth of info on the internet about how to avoid paying through the nose.

Silvertabby

chesky wrote: »

I was still married to my ex some 35 years after we separated. He'd left a will - our children inherited - but, much to my surprise, I inherited his company pension. If I were the OP I'd make sure the financial arrangements are watertight.

Chesky beat me to it. Many company pension schemes now pay survivor benefits to unmarried co-habiting partners - but subject to certain terms and conditions. In the case of the LGPS, for example, both partners must be free to marry, in addition to other criteria. Otherwise the survivor's pension for life would be paid to the legally married spouse and not the partner.

pickledonionspaceraider

harrys_nan wrote: »

I split from my husband in 96, never divorced, couldn't be bothered. I will never get married again anyway and if he wants to remarry that's fine, he can just pay for it, I won't object. We both live with other people, he with the women we split up over and me a guy I met after being on my own for 13 years.

Really? I find that astounding (don't mean that in a patronising/horrible way) - but wow that is a long time to still be connected to someone legally and financially..over and above both current partners

So you split up over this other woman? If that was me, I would want to cut ever tie possible, honestly. Mind you, I have never stayed friends with ex's even

I wonder if both new partners are happy they are living with someone elses husband or wife. It wouldn't do for me..but each to their own - I guess it is not something that you think about every day

If i were to be in an accident or someone be asked to give permission for my life support to be turned off...there is no way I would want an ex, over and above my current partner, to be given that choice.

Like one of the posters above, you could inadvertently end up leaving your husband something in your will - as in a pension - rather than going to the man you actually spend your life with. I would be turning in my grave if a decades ago ex, got my hard earned pension, over and above my current partner

Can I ask, the chap you live with now, would you be OK if he was married to someone else, long term? If someone referred to him as their husband

Like I said, not meaning to sound horrible, I know there are some knives at dawn on this thread, but im genuinely interested x

annandale

f he's married to someone else then he's committing adultery. I'm not criticising him as I'm sure many of us have been in this situation at the start of a relationship but it is, by the meaning of the word, adultery.

Someone else mentioned the word affair. She wasn't having an affair with this man, he was separated and free to have another relationship no matter the textbook definition of adultery

NeilCr

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Really? I find that astounding (don't mean that in a patronising/horrible way) - but wow that is a long time to still be connected to someone legally and financially..over and above both current partners

So you split up over this other woman? If that was me, I would want to cut ever tie possible, honestly. Mind you, I have never stayed friends with ex's even

I wonder if both new partners are happy they are living with someone elses husband or wife. It wouldn't do for me..but each to their own - I guess it is not something that you think about every day

If i were to be in an accident or someone be asked to give permission for my life support to be turned off...there is no way I would want an ex, over and above my current partner, to be given that choice.

Like one of the posters above, you could inadvertently end up leaving your husband something in your will - as in a pension - rather than going to the man you actually spend your life with. I would be turning in my grave if a decades ago ex, got my hard earned pension, over and above my current partner

Can I ask, the chap you live with now, would you be OK if he was married to someone else, long term? If someone referred to him as their husband

Like I said, not meaning to sound horrible, I know there are some knives at dawn on this thread, but im genuinely interested x

I am in much the same situation.

We split in 2001 when she thought there was someone else. There wasn't but it turned out the best for both of us. We are both happier and we remain good friends and talk every week on the phone. My ex has her issues and having the financial security of a possible widow's pension and
one or two other things makes life easier for her. That's fine with me (I am still fond of her) and I have made separate provision for my current partner. Any emergency contact etc is my partner but, I'd entirely trust my ex if it came down to the life support situation. Just because you have separated doesn't mean you cannot continue to have a healthy and supportive relationship

It made my partner jump when I first told her but she has, absolutely, no problem with it. She thinks it's my life and does not want to get married nor live with me. My will is very clear. There is no ambiguity.

onomatopoeia99

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

If i were to be in an accident or someone be asked to give permission for my life support to be turned off...there is no way I would want an ex, over and above my current partner, to be given that choice.

You can nominate the "next of kin" on admittance to hospital, and / or carry a card stating who you wish to fill that role to cover you being unconscious on admittance. The NHS is finally arriving in the 1970s with its attitude to relationships and realises that not everyone lives in an ongoing happy marriage and things can be more complicated.

There is no legal definition of next of kin in this context and that person has no legal powers relating to your treatment.

Mojisola

Next of kin and hospitals -

https://www.royalfree.nhs.uk/patients-visitors/advice-and-support/next-of-kin/

http://s3-eu-west-1.amazonaws.com/files.royalfree.nhs.uk/next_of_kin002.pdf