Partner still married 4 years on

phryne

1234jk wrote: »

I guess I did fall for it. Can't help who you fall in love with, not ideal but he is a good man.

She now says that she is ready but now we are not in a great financial position. Not on our knees but we do have to be careful with our money.

But you can help whether or not to have a child.

By the sound of things you already had one child from a previous relationship, he's got some by his wife, and then there's this one you two have together via your affair with him. It's all a bit of a mess, isn't it.

I've nothing whatsoever against people seeing whoever they want, but it does irk me somewhat when they feel the need to keep having children via all these temporary relationships, - children who will bear the brunt of the rather complicated mess that ensues once one or both parents have decided to go and procreate with someone else, and then someone else after that.

As for the divorce, you can't force him to, if he doesn't want to, and it doesn't sound as though he does. The Wikivorce website will give you more details if you wanted to find out more about a quickie divorce, I think they even have a forum, but he's the one who has to want to go through with it. There isn't much you as the 'other woman' can do, I don't think.

System

As I mentioned above, all finances are already divided and cleared and have been since they split.

System

You still haven't mentioned what legal advice you think I should take...

System

Yes I agree, it was a concern of his when they first split and sadly the courts often act more in favour of the woman. However, they have had an agreement in place which is in writing though not legally set (and would be done so in the divorce) and has been running for 5 years.

I just find it difficult to see that this would be affected, they cooperate well as parents and his wife is a good mum who I don't believe would use her children in this way.

I know that divorce is difficult and people can act in a way you wouldn't expect and if it came to a situation of divorce or the kids, the kids would come first every time.

Thank you for the male perspective though:)

anna_1977

a financial order is not cheap so factor that into the divorce costs.

Is marrying him such a big deal to you?

annandale

The op didn’t have an affair with her partner. He’s been separated five years and they have been together four. She wasn’t seeing him while he was with his wife.

System

Not really, it's more him being divorced and not having those ties.

For me, us getting married is something that will happen at some point but is not the main point behind wanting the divorce to happen.

smartpicture

I'm still legally married, many years after we separated, although went as far as getting engaged to someone else at one point. Truthfully, looking back, I didn't get divorced because I wasn't totally committed to or trusting of the new relationship, and it made a good excuse of why we couldn't get married yet.

System

I can see why you would be in all honesty! Hardly constructive but I guess when you post, it's a part of it you have to accept.

Your opinions on my life are duly noted.

Hope you found a use for your golden beet in your seemingly privileged life. Some don't have those cards dealt and make the most of what they have, including hardworking, polite, respectful children who care about those around them, appreciate what they have and most importantly, enjoy life. They also know not to simply pull people down but to try to support them, something you could maybe learn from them. How my children came to be on this earth has nothing to do with the well rounded incredible children they are.

annandale

Technical definition of adultery and the op and her partner having an affair aren't the same thing. She didn't break up the OPs marriage