Partner still married 4 years on

cheeky-peach

When I met my partner has was still married, 8 years after separation. He started divorce proceedings shortly after separation but hit hurdles as he didn't seek legal advice and a few forms came back etc. and money became an issue. When I met him, I was going through a divorce myself and made it perfectly clear that it was something I wanted to do as hastily as possible. From his perspective, as soon as they split up after her affair, that was their relationship over, whereas for me, it was officially over at divorce.


We had many arguments over the fact that he was still married until one day I walked out and he followed me in tears, explaining a few things which I didn't really understand before. I then told him how it made me feel and it sort of clicked with him how it was for me. That frank conversation was albeit emotional but in hindsight, he didn't fully appreciate my view and I didn't appreciate his view so the lines of communication were slightly askew. It's all sorted now but it did take time.

culpepper

Is he waiting for her to say she will let him divorce? If so he has reached the stage where he doesnt need to...

from https://www.gov.uk/divorce/grounds-for-divorce

You can apply for a divorce if you’ve been separated for at least 5 years, even if your husband or wife disagrees.

phryne

1234jk wrote: »

I can see why you would be in all honesty! Hardly constructive but I guess when you post, it's a part of it you have to accept.

Your opinions on my life are duly noted.

Hope you found a use for your golden beet in your seemingly privileged life. Some don't have those cards dealt and make the most of what they have, including hardworking, polite, respectful children who care about those around them, appreciate what they have and most importantly, enjoy life. They also know not to simply pull people down but to try to support them, something you could maybe learn from them. How my children came to be on this earth has nothing to do with the well rounded incredible children they are.

Hit a raw nerve, I can see..

Anyway, get over to Wikivorce, as it's dedicated to that subject only and is more likely to be able to offer you the assistance you seem to be seeking.

System

No nerve hit, I don't get offended that easily. Also no response to a very privileged life...Maybe hit the nail on the head!

I will head over there thank you. Much appreciated!

suki1964

Mine was still married 14 years down the line, it never bothered me at all

Tabbytabitha

annandale wrote: »

The op didn’t have an affair with her partner. He’s been separated five years and they have been together four. She wasn’t seeing him while he was with his wife.

If he's married to someone else then he's committing adultery. I'm not criticising him as I'm sure many of us have been in this situation at the start of a relationship but it is, by the meaning of the word, adultery.

jackieblack

anna_1977 wrote: »

a financial order is not cheap so factor that into the divorce costs.

If, as OP states, the finances have already been agreed between the two parties, it's not expensive - if you can't agree and have to have the court decide for you, that's when it gets expensive!

Find a solicitor who will draw up a Consent Order for a fixed fee and submit to court (this has to be done once Decree Nisi is granted) and once approved it becomes binding on the issue of Decree Absolute.

Mojisola

1234jk wrote: »

He is committed to our relationship yes and is a wonderful dad.

We do have wills yes.

Do you have each other registered as Next Of Kin with your GP and the hospital?

If not, you could end up with a health crisis where his wife (for him) or your parents (for you) are asked to share in the decision making about your health.

Artytarty

I have had a very privelesges life, but only compared to some.
I wouldn't take anyone stating that as a criticism! You'll have to try harder.
Seems this is another thread where only certain people will be allowed to post what the OP wants to hear.

Yes, he loves you without reservation or hesitation, he desperately wants to be divorced but doesn't know how.
Make a plan on paper of the next steps he needs to take and go on from there. With any luck he'll follow the line of least resistance.

phryne

1234jk wrote: »

No nerve hit, I don't get offended that easily. Also no response to a very privileged life...Maybe hit the nail on the head!

No I don't always respond to each and every silly remark people make on forums, or I'd be here all week!

I hope you get the help you require.