Made A Terrible Mistake

swingaloo

Mylife wrote: »

I feel for his wife but what can I honestly do without looking spiteful and hurting the children.

But you can accept humiliating her?

to me it seems like there are issues in the marriage.

Of course there are issues, he has cheated on her, he is supporting another child with money that should be going into the family unit, he is involving his family in his sordid little secret, he is introducing his existing children to the baby behind his wife's back, etc etc. How could there not be issues.

His family is lovely and say it's not up to them he is a grown up. /B]

No, they are not lovely, they are complicit in helping him deceive the person he should be most loyal too.

His sister and wife do not get on.

That's a surprise.

I only agreed to visit the family as a one off as I did not want him to take the baby alone.


Oh well that's ok then. Jeez!

Mylife

Trust me if it wasn't for his children I would have told her. The family issues run deeper than me and the baby. I do know that at one stage early this year he was kicked out and was living with the sister for a month.

I would rather not have any money from him than contact CSA and make problems for him . He says if she finds out he will lose his kids.

onwards&upwards

100% this is not real.

It’s school in the morning, isn’t it?

pearl123

I really don't believe that this man's children have visited the baby!
If they have then it's only a matter of time before all is revealed. It's one argument away from the big reveal.
It's all got a bit too weird.

onwards&upwards

Mylife wrote: »

I will be going back to work 2 days a week. I can afford to stay at home but honestly I'm bored. We have discussed what I will say to my colleagues in terms of who the father is. Thankfully we do not work at the same site although I will still see him. 2/3 people know but they are people who can be trusted.

I mean this bit alone gives you away, as if people at work only find out about the baby when you come back from mat leave, none of them would have wondered who the father might be through the pregnancy...

swingaloo

Mylife wrote: »

If I went to CSA and the wife finds out then the children get hurt. My only option is to stop him seeing the baby,I doubt there is much he can do about it as everything could come out. Also both of us do not want work to find out. The damage is done either way without me making things worse

Stop hiding behind the children. His wife deserves to know and deserves the truth from him before someone else tells her.

Children survive broken marriages and his wife deserves the chance to start again with someone who cares for her and wont humiliate her. What the children don't need is to live in a home where it is ok to lie and deceive. What kind of example is he setting for his children, one that says its ok to lie and cheat as long as you cover it up with money.

Why should going to the CSA stop him seeing the child? The only thing that could stop him seeing the child is if he decided to do so.

As for work, do you honestly believe that you are going to be able to avoid it getting out when so many people already know. Im beginning to think you are enjoying being in this situation, playing the victim and pretending to be so concerned about the feelings of his wife and children.

Face it, the guy is a rat and you are encouraging him to keep playing the game. Go to the CSA, tell him you want nothing to do with him and stop fraternising with his family. They are not your family.

If he wants to see his child then let him collect her for visits like other absent dads have to do rather than enabling him.

Mylife

Swingaloo you are right but what can I do ,anything I chose to do now will make it worse. If I told her and she divorced him , he would think I did it to get him or he would just despise me. His children at the moment are happy with noth parents. I would rather leave it like that.

when I say his family is lovely I meant they were civil to me . They obviously knew about the baby and wanted to see it. It's not okay that I went to his family house but I couldn't let him take her (baby) alone.

again I'm caught between a rock and a hard place.

Mylife

Onwards you make a good point but I'm.not brave to break a family. I am not a victim I made this bed. Both of us a terrible people.

Mylife

Pearl 123 if you read my earlier posts I have met the children before ,they are young and I doubt they would understand what's going on.

gomer

Mylife wrote: »

If I went to CSA and the wife finds out then the children get hurt. My only option is to stop him seeing the baby,I doubt there is much he can do about it as everything could come out. Also both of us do not want work to find out. The damage is done either way without me making things worse

Well i suppose you have at least one thing in common with his wife - he treats you both equally....... Like fools!

Have some respect for yourself and grow up. What do you care if his wife gets hurt? Don't make out you are a martyr in this. You didn't give a damn about her feelings when you were screwing her old man.

He is playing you like a fiddle.