Made A Terrible Mistake

DevilsAdvocate1

Mylife wrote: »

As for CSA , although he earns more than me I do have a good job and can comfortably provide for the baby.

You don't know how you'll feel once the baby is here. I had a great career and my pay was good, but once my eldest was here my career paled into insignificance. I really didn't want to go back fulltime once he was born. Having a baby can change your outlook on life.

Rainbowgirl84

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

You don't know how you'll feel once the baby is here. I had a great career and my pay was good, but once my eldest was here my career paled into insignificance. I really didn't want to go back fulltime once he was born. Having a baby can change your outlook on life.

15 months on from conception I'd say the baby is already here wouldn't you?

gomer

Mylife wrote: »

Swingaloo you are right but what can I do ,anything I chose to do now will make it worse. If I told her and she divorced him , he would think I did it to get him or he would just despise me. His children at the moment are happy with noth parents. I would rather leave it like that.

when I say his family is lovely I meant they were civil to me . They obviously knew about the baby and wanted to see it. It's not okay that I went to his family house but I couldn't let him take her (baby) alone.

again I'm caught between a rock and a hard place.

....and yet you didn't foresee any of this?

You come out of this whole sorry mess looking rather selfish and needy. Stop trying to make out you are doing his wife & kids some kind of favour.

POPPYOSCAR

onwards&upwards wrote: »

I’ve never met a mum who refers to their baby as it.

Reminds me of Fools and Horses when Raquel has just given birth and Del goes out to Rodney who is waiting outside.

Rodney "well what is it then"

Del "It's a baby!!!!"

ska_lover

Pollycat wrote: »

No, pearl123, I don't think you've missed something at all.
I think you've just found a pretty big hole in the OP's 'story'. :T
Or should I say 'Jackanory'? :cool:

Oh god, really?

Well I have been had hook, line and sinker then

I should have seen it coming months ago :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Ive deleted my posts, I cannot believe I have actually spent time trying to help someone who thinks it is normal for a married bloke to do this, and then bring his teenage kids around behind his wife's back and still not want to go to the CSA incase he thinks badly of her

I feel a right gormo

Pollycat

ska_lover wrote: »

Oh god, really?

Well I have been had hook, line and sinker then

I should have seen it coming months ago :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Ive deleted my posts, I cannot believe I have actually spent time trying to help someone who thinks it is normal for a married bloke to do this, and then bring his teenage kids around behind his wife's back and still not want to go to the CSA incase he thinks badly of her

I feel a right gormo

Maybe the OP really does believe that an 11 year old and another child of unspecified age (but older) wouldn't think it odd that their Dad would take them to visit some random colleague (who doesn't even work at the same site) who has just had a baby.

POPPYOSCAR

ska_lover wrote: »

Oh god, really?

Well I have been had hook, line and sinker then

I should have seen it coming months ago :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Ive deleted my posts, I cannot believe I have actually spent time trying to help someone who thinks it is normal for a married bloke to do this, and then bring his teenage kids around behind his wife's back and still not want to go to the CSA incase he thinks badly of her[/I]

I feel a right gormo

You missed out the bit about having another child with him.

Pollycat

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

You missed out the bit about having another child with him.

Yes, it was the sister of the baby's Father and some friends who seemed to think this was a good idea.
Really? (Where's that roll-eyes smiley when you need it?)

If the wife ever finds out the depth of deceit that's been going on - from the initial affair to the monetary support to the behind-the-back visits by SIL and cousins and culminating with the visits by the 2 younger children - the sh*t will really hit the fan.
EastEnders could write the script. :cool:

TBH, reading the above back, I'm shocked, sickened and disgusted by the deceit in this sordid affair.

seven-day-weekend

Pollycat wrote: »

Yes, it was the sister of the baby's Father and some friends who seemed to think this was a good idea.
Really? (Where's that roll-eyes smiley when you need it?)

If the wife ever finds out the depth of deceit that's been going on - from the initial affair to the monetary support to the behind-the-back visits by SIL and cousins and culminating with the visits by the 2 younger children - the sh*t will really hit the fan.
EastEnders could write the script. :cool:

TBH, reading the above back, I'm shocked, sickened and disgusted by the deceit in this sordid affair.

Me too. However, most affairs where one or both of the people are lying and cheating on someone are sordid, imho.

SueC_2

Lots of people seem to very strongly believe that the child has 'the right' for their father to be involved in their life, but seem to be missing the point that in these circumstances that simply isn't possible.

While the father remains married to another woman, he is just not going to be able to 'be there' for this child, whatever 'right' the child has to that. He can't take the call at 2am saying that the OP has gone in to labour, and rush to the hospital to support her. He can't be there for the night feeds (or the day feeds for that matter) to give the OP a rest. He won't be able to drop the child to nursery, soothe them when they wake from a nightmare, see them off for their first day at school, drop everything to collect them from school if they're sick, help with exam revision, reliably be there on their birthdays, or Christmas, or Mum's birthday, or any other occasion.

And through all this you have a child who knows who their father is, and knows that he has another family that he 'loves more'. In my opinion that is a whole load more damaging than not knowing who their father is.

An unpopular opinion no doubt, but I'm with the OP - plan to do this on your own, because at the end of the day, that's how you're going to be doing it. However much he says he wants to be, the baby's father simply cannot be there for either of you, so utilise whatever other support network you have available to you and bring your baby up in a caring loving environment - explaining the absence of a father in an age appropriate way right from the beginning.