Made A Terrible Mistake

Pollycat

SueC wrote: »

Lots of people seem to very strongly believe that the child has 'the right' for their father to be involved in their life, but seem to be missing the point that in these circumstances that simply isn't possible.

While the father remains married to another woman, he is just not going to be able to 'be there' for this child, whatever 'right' the child has to that. He can't take the call at 2am saying that the OP has gone in to labour, and rush to the hospital to support her. He can't be there for the night feeds (or the day feeds for that matter) to give the OP a rest. He won't be able to drop the child to nursery, soothe them when they wake from a nightmare, see them off for their first day at school, drop everything to collect them from school if they're sick, help with exam revision, reliably be there on their birthdays, or Christmas, or Mum's birthday, or any other occasion.

And through all this you have a child who knows who their father is, and knows that he has another family that he 'loves more'. In my opinion that is a whole load more damaging than not knowing who their father is.

An unpopular opinion no doubt, but I'm with the OP - plan to do this on your own, because at the end of the day, that's how you're going to be doing it. However much he says he wants to be, the baby's father simply cannot be there for either of you, so utilise whatever other support network you have available to you and bring your baby up in a caring loving environment - explaining the absence of a father in an age appropriate way right from the beginning.

Well, that would have been just peachy if the OP had stuck to her original stance.
Instead, she's let Uncle Tom Cobleigh et al see the baby.
She's even been to his house. :eek:
ETA: her lover's house, not Uncle Tom's)

I'm not one of the people who have said he should be involved in the child's life.
I have said, however, that he should financially support this child he had a hand (ahem ) in bringing into this world.

happyandcontented

Yes, allowing him contact whilst the baby is small is fine, but it will not always be small, it will grow up and will undoubtedly ask awkward questions. It will probably also feel cheated as per the post above. It is always the innocent children (and innocent wife?) who lose out in scenarios such as the one the OP is embroiled in. Selfish, thoughtless adults inflicting pain on innocent victims.

It may be 'My(your)life' OP but it has involved and tainted many others.

SueC_2

Pollycat wrote: »

Well, that would have been just peachy if the OP had stuck to her original stance.
Instead, she's let Uncle Tom Cobleigh et al see the baby.
She's even been to his house. :eek:
ETA: her lover's house, not Uncle Tom's)

I'm not one of the people who have said he should be involved in the child's life.
I have said, however, that he should financially support this child he had a hand (ahem ) in bringing into this world.

I confess.... I posted before reading the entire thread, and hadn't spotted that time, and the saga, had moved on. Having now completed it, I can see I wasted my time with that profound little epic! I'll get my coat now.

humptydumptybits

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Me too. However, most affairs where one or both of the people are lying and cheating on someone are sordid, imho.

But you support Johnson.

vroombroom

OP very quiet now questions are being raised about the kids ages :money:

Pollycat

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Me too. However, most affairs where one or both of the people are lying and cheating on someone are sordid, imho.

Well, yes.
But this particular story does take the biscuit.
Or gold medal/yellow jersey - IYKWIM.
Some affairs are kept between the two people involved and whilst one or more partner(s) are being lied to and cheated on, they may never find out.
The number of people who know about this child's origin are far too many for the truth not to come out at some time in the future.
And I'm wondering if that is exactly what the OP is counting on. :think:

gomer

Pollycat wrote: »

Well, yes.
But this particular story does take the biscuit.
Or gold medal/yellow jersey - IYKWIM.
Some affairs are kept between the two people involved and whilst one or more partner(s) are being lied to and cheated on, they may never find out.
The number of people who know about this child's origin are far too many for the truth not to come out at some time in the future.
And I'm wondering if that is exactly what the OP is counting on. :think:

The sordid details have also been plastered online. Let's hope nobody recognises the 'characters' doing the dirty here & puts two and two together. The internet is a very small world lol

seven-day-weekend

humptydumptybits wrote: »

But you support Johnson.

I don't support him having an affair! But that is his private life and nothing to do with his ability to be PM.

onwards&upwards

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I don't support him having an affair! But that is his private life and nothing to do with his ability to be PM.

I don’t know, he’s proven himself to be a massive liar in both.

Your nature is your nature I reckon. If you’re an untrustworthy rat on your own time, you probably are at work too.

happyandcontented

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I don't support him having an affair! But that is his private life and nothing to do with his ability to be PM.

I think that it does, if you show the ability to deceive those you claim to love most, then that evidences your character.

In addition to that, he has been sacked by at least 2 news outlets for being 'untrustworthy' and I wouldn't expect them to have particularly high standards!!