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Made A Terrible Mistake

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
384 replies 83K views
MylifeMylife Forumite
60 posts
edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
I slept with a married man, yes I know it was wrong but what's done is done. I'm now 8wks pregnant and have decided to keep the baby. I did not want to involve the father, but he guessed it was his and eventually I admitted it. I can look /provide tor the baby alone. Financially I'm in a good place. he seems excited, wants accompany me to all my appointments, is suggesting names etc. I have tried to tell him that I do not wish to still be involved with him but he keeps calling, texting asking how I am.He is also offering money but I have said no. I'm thinking of moving and changing my no, but that would mean leaving my well paid job . Any suggestions on how I can deal with this.

yes I know I was wrong
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Replies

  • Mummy2cheekymonkeysMummy2cheekymonkeys Forumite
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    Tell his wife. Job done.
  • Kim_kimKim_kim Forumite
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    Tell his wife. Job done.

    Or tell him you’d rather do it all officially via the CSA.
  • 74jax74jax Forumite
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    Do you not want him in the child's life? He doesn't have to be in yours as a partner but he can be a father?
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
  • KateBobKateBob Forumite
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    If you're only 8 weeks pregnant, how did he guess it was his?
    Unless you informed him of the pregnancy, which must have ment your intention was for him to find out!

    In any case, if he wishes to be involved with the child he has the right. He doesn't have the right to attend antenatal appointments or the birth unless you agree. You don't have to accept money but it may be best for the child.

    The wife should be told but this isn't your place, it's his!
    Whilst you haven't broken any vows (technically), don't be surprised if his wife and others blame you.
    Kate short for Bob.

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  • MylifeMylife Forumite
    60 posts
    Thank you all for your replies, someone close to both of us told him, unfortunately I had to tell a few people including friends and family , that's how it came out . As for telling his wife I have already done so much damage and do not want to cause more misery ( should have thought of it before) As for CSA , although he earns more than me I do have a good job and can comfortably provide for the baby.

    I appreciate your replies
  • *Robin**Robin* Forumite
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    Every child has the right to know her/his father.
  • gettingtheresometimegettingtheresometime Forumite
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    *Robin* wrote: »
    Every child has the right to know her/his father.

    Or at least their paternal family medical history
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card / JD Williams cleared :) thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge
  • hazyjohazyjo Forumite
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    You might be the one carrying it, but you both created it. Fathers often get a raw deal. You don't need to be in a relationship with him if you don't want to be, but please don't act like he played no part and doesn't have any rights. He's a father, not an uncle or grandfather.
    2020 wins: nada (yet)
  • hazyjohazyjo Forumite
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    Or at least their paternal family medical history

    Not sure I agree. I was adopted and have no knowledge of mine and wouldn't trace saying they owed me that information. What difference does it honestly make? Does everyone worry about dying from what their grandparents did, or being more at risk of getting certain diseases. From what I've seen, it's as much a hindrance, if not more so, than not knowing.
    2020 wins: nada (yet)
  • KynthiaKynthia Forumite
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    Is it in your child's best interest to not have their father in their life? You don't need to be in a relationship with each other if you don't want to be.
    Don't listen to me, I'm no expert!
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