Made A Terrible Mistake

swingaloo

Well OP, think about it from all sides, not just your own.

I'm that baby who had the father cut out of her life and at 60+ Im still very angry about the blank space on my birth certificate.

I'm also married to a man who's partner left him for someone else when she was pregnant and didn't tell him about the child till years after the birth and she was by then married to with the other guy.

He now has a relationship with his child but missed out on all her childhood and you cant get those tears back.

System

In my opinion, I don't think anyone has the right to tell my partner unless I deceived them into bed.



If you knew, it takes two to tango so why go to the lengths to make his life a misery.



If you didn't know and didn't ask, it's non of your business whether or not he is married or not - bascially it made no difference to your decision to go to bed.


If you didn't know and did ask then he is in hot water and it's up to you whether or not he deserves to be hung out to dry. Do think though - whath benefit do you get from any decision you make?

Fireflyaway

The wife is going to find out. If I were the wife id rather know as soon as possible regardless of who told me. I'm so sad to hear he has kids. You have most likely assisted in messing up their lives big time. My daughter's friends dad was cheating and I was shocked at the level of upset it caused. Poor little kid was traumatised. Even 2 years down the line she is not back to her old self.
If I were in your situation ( never would be by the way), I think there are two choices. You either come clean and deal with the consequences. He might leave his wife and kids for you or might ditch you, who knows. Or id move far far away and never make contact again in order to protect his family. However seeing you did what you did, you clearly don't give a stuff about them anyway. At this point it's damage limitation. His wife and kids did nothing wrong and neither did the unborn child. 5 people's lives turned upside down. This is not really about money but morals.

ChrisK....._3

It's not YOUR child anymore than HIS - It is also in the childs best interest to have contact with both parents - You and him dont have to get along, but him and the child have a right that you cant exceed - You can choose whether to have a child with anyone, but you decided THIS PARTICULAR BLOKE is going to father your child so THIS PARTICULAR BLOKE needs to have a relationship with the child

badmemory

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

You want to know why a parent is keen to be part of their child's life?



What kind of parent isn't?

The kind who is scared stiff his wife will find out, unless of course that is exactly what he wants to happen.

anna_1977

I don't think it's your decision to make - or at least it shouldn't be

es the wife will be absolutely devastated but as others have said think about your unborn child and the repercussions

I must say 8 weeks was very early in a pregnancy to be telling people

fibonarchie

You lied about your status
You lied about your life
You forgot you have three children
You forgot you have a wife
Now it’s England 2 Colombia 0
And I know just how those Colombians feel






..sorry :rotfl:


The footie's on and I do love that song

happyandcontented

Fireflyaway wrote: »

The wife is going to find out. If I were the wife id rather know as soon as possible regardless of who told me. I'm so sad to hear he has kids. You have most likely assisted in messing up their lives big time. My daughter's friends dad was cheating and I was shocked at the level of upset it caused. Poor little kid was traumatised. Even 2 years down the line she is not back to her old self.
If I were in your situation ( never would be by the way), I think there are two choices. You either come clean and deal with the consequences. He might leave his wife and kids for you or might ditch you, who knows. Or id move far far away and never make contact again in order to protect his family. However seeing you did what you did, you clearly don't give a stuff about them anyway. At this point it's damage limitation. His wife and kids did nothing wrong and neither did the unborn child. 5 people's lives turned upside down. This is not really about money but morals.

My son had a gf whose father was a serial cheat and it impacted their relationship very badly because she thought all men were just waiting for the opportunity to behave that way. It destroyed her trust in men and has made her a very unhappy woman. Their relationship was fraught with unfounded trust issues and eventually, he could stand it no longer and they broke up.

I doubt she will ever go on to have a relationship where she trusts her partner. All down to the actions of one selfish man.

Mylife

i will give a bit more info , he has been married for 17 yrs with 3 children , the youngest is 11. We work in the same industry , both well paid but him more senior to me. We do not work at the same place but have to communicate regularly.

I am sure he is scared stiff but by offering to be threr he is hoping I will not tell his wife, which I have no intention to.
Swingaloo I agree with your comment 100%

8/9 wks is too early to be telling people but I had to inform HR (work policy ) unfortunately that means there are some duties I am excused from and most people will guess.

I will update more after work but everyone who has commented I take your advice and agree. I just wish I had thought of it before but too late.

what a mess

Pollycat

Mylife wrote: »

I am sure he is scared stiff but by offering to be threr he is hoping I will not tell his wife, which I have no intention to.

Do you know this for a fact?
Offering to be there - by going to appointments and being prepared to support you financially - isn't the same as being excited and wanting to choose names.
That still sounds odd to me.

I was pretty sure it would be a work affair.