Made A Terrible Mistake

fibonarchie

FWIW I doubt if it's the first time (or the last) that that dog's gone astray. Sounds like OP is working in a lab environment or suchlike, and work need to know if a female employee is pregnant due to safety concerns.

Pollycat

fibonarchie wrote: »

FWIW I doubt if it's the first time (or the last) that that dog's gone astray. Sounds like OP is working in a lab environment or suchlike, and work need to know if a female employee is pregnant due to safety concerns.

My thoughts too.
And it's quite possible that his wife is aware of his predilection for work affairs and turns a blind eye as long as he's relatively discreet and doesn't rock the marital boat.
Oooops.

FBaby

I have done enough damage and my plan (not well thought) was to keep quiet and just have the baby.

So do things to suit you without a care of those involved.

I am getting tired of reading more and more posts from women who fall 'accidentally' pregnant, funnily always single women, very often very early in the relationship, who then decide to keep the baby and want nothing to do with the father except for money, as long as there are no string attached to it.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. You are about to give birth not to an object to suit your desire to mother, but a human being who will grow to have emotions, desires and question things. Many single mums raise their kids alone and do an amazing job at it, but this should be a last resort when the father is not interested. A child will always be happier if loved by two caring parents, even if they are not together. Give your baby a chance to have this opportunity rather than assuming you can provide everything your child will need yourself. What we think we want to give our kids and what they grow up to need are often two very different things.

LilElvis

OP, if you want to know what damage being denied knowledge of a father can do to a young adult then look at the numerous websites/ blogs from the US written by children born through anonymous sperm donation. The HFEA here recognised the problems this can cause so children born as a result of gamete donation in the UK are now entitled to be given their donor's name when they reach adulthood. I could have lied to our daughter about her conception - after all i was the one who was pregnant, I have the c-section scar - but, personally, I couldn't spend my life lying to her. So I've been entirely open with her that, though I will always be her Mummy, a special lady gave us the egg which helped to make her. And I will support her if, when she is an adult, she wishes to make contact with her donor and her genetic half-sisters because it is all about her and not what would be easiest for me.

Mummy2cheekymonkeys

I agree with Fbaby people seem to think that because they can financially have a baby, that's all that matters. Yes having money helps but there's a heck of a lot more to raising a child then just having the money to.

neneromanova

If you do this, be prepared for your child to get to 18 years, go look for their father and in turn hate you when they find out he wanted to be part of their life and you didn't. Could you handle that?

Mylife

Thanks everyone who commented, certainly I had assumed since I could manage financially I could do it alone but most of the advice saying a baby needs both parents is right. I hope we can work something out.

Polly I know his behavior is opposite to what most married man would do ( I think) I think him offering money is his way of dealing with it as its unlikely the wife would notice. As for going for appointments it wouldn't be difficult as long it's during work hours and his wife would be none the wiser. I don't know if he will remain involved once the baby is here.

Seanymph your comment is spot on.

LilEvies what you say makes sense ,

Mummy2, that's true I thought as long as I could financially look after the baby that's all that mattered but I admit I'm wrong.

thorsoak

OK - I'm ready for the flaming, but someone has to say this: as this pregnancy was unplanned and you are concerned about the sperm donor's wife finding out if he wants to stay involved, not to mention the fact that you had not thought out the relationship between this baby and his/her half siblings, maybe you should think about a termination?

swingaloo

Mylife wrote: »

Polly I know his behavior is opposite to what most married man would do ( I think) I think him offering money is his way of dealing with it as its unlikely the wife would notice.


Really? How would you know that? If a lump sum was going out of our family towards someone else's child Im pretty sure I would notice.


As for going for appointments it wouldn't be difficult as long it's during work hours and his wife would be none the wiser.

Im amazed you can think like that. His wife is going to be devastated when she finds out that not only has he been having an affair but that he has got someone else pregnant.
And now you and he want to kick her in the teeth again by him trotting along to the appointments.

Just imagine how she will feel when someone casually mentions to her that thy have seen her husband at the anti-natal clinic with another woman.

Besides your own behaviour, what was it that you saw in this fabulous, wonderful man who was willing to cheat on his wife and now wants to keep on doing the dirty on her by leading a double life with you and his child.

Anyone who knows him or his wife could be in the same hospital/clinic at the same time you are there. Its a very small world.


I don't know if he will remain involved once the baby is here.

So why does he want to be involved in all kinds of ways at the moment?
Just out of interest, when (not if) when his wife finds out and probably chucks him out leaving his kids and her devastated will he want to come to you and play happy families? What will you do then.

Pollycat

Mylife wrote: »

what a mess

Very true words.
I think you believed you had it all worked out.
But as this thread progresses, I think it's all unraveling for you.
And I can't see it getting any better.

Would you consider Thorsoak's suggestion?

Did you want to get pregnant?

I have to say that you do seem to be taking advice on board even though most of it is the opposite of what you originally planned.