Made A Terrible Mistake

Mylife

Judi i hear what you are saying, its more complicated than that.

happyand co you may be right i do not know for sure, all I know is I did not want him involved.

cloudyday lol I am bright but not sensible,

Neil you may be right, I honestly can not say why or defend it, I'm just an idiot

Anna you make a lot of sense, I do have family to help out but obviously as most people have suggested that is not enough and I agree. As for the financial help, I have thought it through, both of us have very good jobs and although not rich money would not be an issue unless I lost my job even then I'm sure he can comfortably provide for both of us without much impact on his family based on our current salaries,obviously I do not know exactly how much he earns but its much more than me. I do hope the baby is healthy as any parent hopes. I will probably need more help in terms of emotional support than in terms of financial help. As for telling his wife, whilst you are right I am not going to do it, if he wants to then so be it.As Scorpio said its not my place to tell her. His brother knows but I doubt he will say anything. (there are a lot of issues going on ) not my place to discuss.I however do not think he will do it as he has more to lose in terms of house , kids etc.

Scorpio i understand what you are saying, initially I thought I could do it but had my doubts hence asking you lovely people and if you read my replies I have accepted most if not all the advice I was given. What needs to be done now is work out how to go about involving him .

Mylife

Knythia thank you, I know some commentators would like to say more ie Cloudy saying I am not bright but like I said before whats done is done, I am not a know all otherwise I would not be asking for help. I am very thankful to most for opening my eyes. Also as for using him etc I have not said what happened because it more complicated than that . I am not making excuses and will have to live with this for the rest of my life. I will resist from taking the rude posts personally as they do not help, but I take all the advice given.

gettingtheresometime

Kynthia wrote: »

There's a lot of rude and offensive posts in this thread. Two people had sex and both were responsible for preventing pregnancy so can we drop the blame being placed solely on the OP here. QUOTE]

I would agree with you but the bit I've highlighted is the bit I can't.


The OP must have been attracted to the man in the first place and even more so to have had sex with him (please tell me I'm not so old fashioned to have expected at least the first date to not have included sex).


From what we're told, the man has decided that he wants to be involved but now, for no other reason that she doesn't want to upset the status quo for his other children, she wants nothing to do with him.


If she truly didn't want to upset his other children (ignoring the wife for a moment) she could have either have rejected his advances or even not had sex with him - only then does she get to keep the moral high ground.


I'm not excusing or diminishing his behaviour in all of this but it does sound odd that now she's pregnant she wants nothing to do with him.....perhaps its a case of being careful what you wish for.

Pollycat

Kynthia wrote: »

There's a lot of rude and offensive posts in this thread. Two people had sex and both were responsible for preventing pregnancy so can we drop the blame being placed solely on the OP here. Plus no contraception is 100% so they could have tried to prevent conception and it happened anyway. I know many couples who had unplanned pregnancies when using contraception, or getting carried away one night and not, and there may be more than I realise as it's not the kind of thing everyone shares.

I'm not sure which posts you think are rude and offensive.
This is my opinion, posted way up-thread.

Pollycat wrote: »

I always think the married person bears the most blame but neither party comes out smelling of roses

However, no matter how you dress it up, the OP has made some pretty silly mistakes, the biggest being having an affair with a married man and allowing herself to get pregnant.
As NeilCr points out, women can have sexual fun and attention but getting pregnant ranks pretty high on the 'silly' list.

onomatopoeia99

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

If she truly didn't want to upset his other children (ignoring the wife for a moment) she could have either have rejected his advances or even not had sex with him - only then does she get to keep the moral high ground.

Sometimes it's the woman that makes all the advances and does all the chasing...

Pollycat

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Sometimes it's the woman that makes all the advances and does all the chasing...

And the man actually has the option of saying 'no'. :cool:

System

You know, if there had have been a scrap of love in this union it might, just have been worth it.... That's if you can discount the feelings of the innocent children stuck in the middle.

onomatopoeia99

Pollycat wrote: »

And the man actually has the option of saying 'no'. :cool:

Not sure what point you're trying to make - I was pointing out that the oft-peddled stereotype of the man always making the first move is simply wrong, I don't think anyone living after about the 1970s actually still believes it to be true any more. Of course anyone has the option of saying no.

FBaby

OP, if you are truly prepared to listen and consider what is right at this point, then please do all you can to give your child the chance of a father. Fathers can be as important in a child's life as a mum, denying them this is nothing but a selfish move. At the moment, your child will inevitably feel like your possession, something you need to look after and all the powers of bringing them up as you want held in your hands. As they get older, you'll realise that you don't have half as much power as you think you do because although kids are solely dependent on their providers, they are still human beings, with their own personality, desires and wishes and they deserve to have two parents in their lives to give them double the love, guidance and support.

fibonarchie

FBaby wrote: »

OP, if you are truly prepared to listen and consider what is right at this point, then please do all you can to give your child the chance of a father. Fathers can be as important in a child's life as a mum, denying them this is nothing but a selfish move.

Granted but there's the small matter of his wife to consider. She's going to find out at some stage, surely? I'm guessing he wears the (financial) trousers and is unlikely to be thrown out of his home, but there's going to be a right hornets nest unleashed if and when this 'secret' comes out.